Child Abuse Intervention (Mall)

[Three]

The Holiday ambience and decor of Christmas time has really encouraged me to take more walks throughout the cities shopping areas, if not for its beauty than for the associations it has with positive memories of my childhood.

Towards the end of my walk I notice from maybe 20 feet away a blond woman in her twenties hit a small child, who was probably no older than 3, on her buttocks. After the blow the child fell down on her rear and started crying. 

Another woman, presumably the other girls sister, turned to the girl and barked at her to get up. This poor child was being tag teamed. 

I the  sped up by pace in order to confront these women. I walked in front of the blond girl and said firmly "You shouldn't hit children. That's wrong"

"Okay, that's just what we do", she responded in the southern valley girl esque accent. The tone was very deadpan, as if I made a really embarrassing joke. She wasn't quite the wittiest woman I've ever met. 

I then repeated myself, "Just has it would be wrong to get my hand to strike you its wrong for you to do that to her."

She replied again with another deadpan "Okay, we'll we're going home."

Before she left I knelt down to tell the child that no one should hit her. They walked away and sadly,the child was still in tears.

I then followed them for a bit to make sure she wouldn't strike the child again. 

She didn't.

[MysterionMuffles]

Oh man it's gotten to the point of following to make sure...how did you feel doing that? I would be worried about being seen as a stalker or something, but forget my vanity if it comes to protecting a child, right?

[Three]

Oh man it's gotten to the point of following to make sure...how did you feel doing that? I would be worried about being seen as a stalker or something, but forget my vanity if it comes to protecting a child, right?

I felt anxious, but I would walk ahead of them and then stop to pretend to check my phone while keeping my attention on them as they walked to the car. I made sure it didn't look creepy, but kind of hoped they'd feel uneasy. That way their focus is on me and not the kid. 

[MysterionMuffles]

And I would get the sense that even from just your actions and careful, they might become more paranoid about enacting more sadism in public. Hopefully teaching them that if they can control themselves there, then they should be able to at home. But one can only hope...

[A4E]

Sorry to hear you had to go through this. If I saw something like that happen in my area, I imagine I would feel awfull for a week or something.

 

Thankfully child abuse is strictly illegal in my country, but that doesnt stop parents from barking and screaming at their children, and then ofcourse complaining that they are screaming.

 

The other day here I walked past a car where a girl around 4 or 5 years old was hitting the window from inside and yelling, I immediately thought I was in a candid camera setup because there is a show going on tv to see if people care about people in need or other bad situations. The equivalent of "what would you do" from the USA.

 

I stopped and looked around if anyone owned the car, and nothing happened, so I went inside a nearby building and asked the only person I found about it and he also got upset about a child being left alone in the car. So we went outside and got a hold of a state employee who was strolling by and got him to interveene.

 

Turns out the child must have been told by her parent(s) to protect the car from strangers or something because she was worried we would do something to the car. I said I was inclined to call the police, but the state employee insisted that he would handle the situation, even though I could tell he did not really care.

 

My day was ruined. But it turns out its not uncommon to leave children locked in to cars according to my mother.

[Carl Green]

Mr. Patterson, you are THE MAN!

 

We were discussing abuse intervention techniques in chat and one that came up was saying to the parent "I was hit as a kid and now I never talk to my parents (regardless of whether you do or not) so if you don't want to risk that with your kid, it might help to find more peaceful methods"

 

Have you ever tried this approach?

[nathanm]

How loud were you speaking to her Joel?  Could a crowd of people hear what you were saying?  My own internal plan is that if I project my voice I will cause more of a scene and the abuser will feel the spotlight on them more.

 

I think it's an ostracism thing.  Abusive people should feel uneasy about acting like that.  Crowds looking the other way is a big reason why this stuff even happens in the first place.  If good people cause a scene there's going to be silent sympathizers within the crowd and maybe one day there will be more than one good person in the crowd who will verbally not put up with an abusive person's bůllshít and join your cause.  Maybe then hitting kids will be as taboo as public urination.

 

Now, if I were writing this scene for a movie I would have the hero punch the valley girl in the face sending her to the ground, then stand over her and say, "Sorry ma'am…it's just what I do."  I know it doesn't help and isn't UPB, but it's fun to fantasize.

[TheSchoolofAthens]

Courageous and inspiring, Joel! I was not so courageous in a recent sighting of child abuse. I was about to start babysitting these two kids when the mother was saying goodbye to them, she told them she was leaving and asked for hugs and kisses. One of them - a  5 year old - ran towards her, hugged her, but accidentally hurt her because he used a bit too much force for a hug. She was angry, she grabbed his hair, pulled it back in order to force his face up to look at her, and she told him not to be so aggressive (or something incredibly hypocritical like that). I am disappointed in myself. I said nothing. But I want to fix my wrong and text this mother, whom I've babysat for on many occasions, and tell her to be less violent.

I don't know how to say it, I want to be effective in actually getting her to stop using violence, what would the best thing to text to her? Child abuse statistics and the consequences of them in later years - drug abuse for example? I really want to do this but I want to do it the right way. I applaud you for standing up for that child, could you help me do the same for this one? 

[BaylorPRSer]

Thank you for your moral courage.  I feel choked up right now knowing there are people like you out there.  You planted a seed in that child's mind that could save her life one day.  

[J. D. Stembal]

Wow, this community is fearless. I applaud everyone speaking out for the better treatment of children when they have no voice of their own.

 

I can only imagine what this heinous mother posted on Twitter once she locked herself in her car. "OMG, a creepy man stuck up for my son and then threatened me! Should I call the police??"

[fractional slacker]

Sorry you had to witness that. Thank you for protecting the defenseless. Thank you for sharing.
Your courage is admirable, even inspirational.

[MysterionMuffles]

How loud were you speaking to her Joel?  Could a crowd of people hear what you were saying?  My own internal plan is that if I project my voice I will cause more of a scene and the abuser will feel the spotlight on them more.

 

I think it's an ostracism thing.  Abusive people should feel uneasy about acting like that.  Crowds looking the other way is a big reason why this stuff even happens in the first place.  If good people cause a scene there's going to be silent sympathizers within the crowd and maybe one day there will be more than one good person in the crowd who will verbally not put up with an abusive person's bůllshít and join your cause.  Maybe then hitting kids will be as taboo as public urination.

 

Not sure if this is a good idea. I hear you're supposed to appeal to the parent's self interest and empathize with the frustration they're having, which most likely has nothing to do with their children. The putting them on the spotlight thing sounds like straight out of a movie, but I think in real life, the shame of anyone at all confronting them is powerful enough because they haven't experienced it before. I could be wrong, but I would not suggest making a scene. I've only intervened once so I don't know...

 

Have you tried this approach yourself? And how did it turn out, Nathan?

[MysterionMuffles]

Courageous and inspiring, Joel! I was not so courageous in a recent sighting of child abuse. I was about to start babysitting these two kids when the mother was saying goodbye to them, she told them she was leaving and asked for hugs and kisses. One of them - a  5 year old - ran towards her, hugged her, but accidentally hurt her because he used a bit too much force for a hug. She was angry, she grabbed his hair, pulled it back in order to force his face up to look at her, and she told him not to be so aggressive (or something incredibly hypocritical like that). I am disappointed in myself. I said nothing. But I want to fix my wrong and text this mother, whom I've babysat for on many occasions, and tell her to be less violent.

 

I don't know how to say it, I want to be effective in actually getting her to stop using violence, what would the best thing to text to her? Child abuse statistics and the consequences of them in later years - drug abuse for example? I really want to do this but I want to do it the right way. I applaud you for standing up for that child, could you help me do the same for this one? 

 

Damn that's horrible...and I don't think you can accomplish anything with texts alone. She can easily ignore them. You need to sit her down and have an actual discussion about this. I totally sympathize in your situation. It's hard to think of everyone's best interests when you're babysitting a child of an abuser. 

[Carl Green]

...

I don't know how to say it, I want to be effective in actually getting her to stop using violence, what would the best thing to text to her? Child abuse statistics and the consequences of them in later years - drug abuse for example? I really want to do this but I want to do it the right way. I applaud you for standing up for that child, could you help me do the same for this one? 

 

Would you be texting because you no longer babysit her children? I agree with RJ that this should be discussed in person or at least discussed on the phone.

 

If she's open to talking about it, I would suggest you make sure you ask plenty of questions (and not the leading kind like "why don't you know that's wrong") so you can understand why she thinks it's the best way to go about it. How was she raised? When her parents wanted her to do something, how would they get her to? How did she feel about that method then, and how does she feel about it now? How does she feel in the moment of grabbing her son's head to get force his attention?

 

The more you (and her) know about why she's doing that, the easier it'll be to affect the change to peaceful parenting her children deserve.

[Three]

Sorry to hear you had to go through this. If I saw something like that happen in my area, I imagine I would feel awfull for a week or something.

 

Thankfully child abuse is strictly illegal in my country, but that doesnt stop parents from barking and screaming at their children, and then ofcourse complaining that they are screaming.

 

The other day here I walked past a car where a girl around 4 or 5 years old was hitting the window from inside and yelling, I immediately thought I was in a candid camera setup because there is a show going on tv to see if people care about people in need or other bad situations. The equivalent of "what would you do" from the USA.

 

I stopped and looked around if anyone owned the car, and nothing happened, so I went inside a nearby building and asked the only person I found about it and he also got upset about a child being left alone in the car. So we went outside and got a hold of a state employee who was strolling by and got him to interveene.

 

Turns out the child must have been told by her parent(s) to protect the car from strangers or something because she was worried we would do something to the car. I said I was inclined to call the police, but the state employee insisted that he would handle the situation, even though I could tell he did not really care.

 

My day was ruined. But it turns out its not uncommon to leave children locked in to cars according to my mother.

 

It is a dreadful thing to witness. The awful feeling doesn't linger on, but I do experience anxiety being in public since the odds of encountering child abuse are extremely high, whether it's spanking, yelling, with holding, belittling ect.

 

Also, I think it's great that you attended to the child and got help. What country do you live in? 

 

 

Mr. Patterson, you are THE MAN!

 

We were discussing abuse intervention techniques in chat and one that came up was saying to the parent "I was hit as a kid and now I never talk to my parents (regardless of whether you do or not) so if you don't want to risk that with your kid, it might help to find more peaceful methods"

 

Have you ever tried this approach?

Thank you for your kind words! I have not tried that approach. My approach is usually decided within a few milliseconds, so sometimes if I feel like being gentle is the best way, I'll try that, sometimes I'll opt to be more shaming and assertive towards the parent. I would like to mention that there has been one great time when simply asking "is everything okay?" prompted the parent to behave more gently to the child. 

 

 

How loud were you speaking to her Joel?  Could a crowd of people hear what you were saying?  My own internal plan is that if I project my voice I will cause more of a scene and the abuser will feel the spotlight on them more.

 

I think it's an ostracism thing.  Abusive people should feel uneasy about acting like that.  Crowds looking the other way is a big reason why this stuff even happens in the first place.  If good people cause a scene there's going to be silent sympathizers within the crowd and maybe one day there will be more than one good person in the crowd who will verbally not put up with an abusive person's bůllshít and join your cause.  Maybe then hitting kids will be as taboo as public urination.

 

Now, if I were writing this scene for a movie I would have the hero punch the valley girl in the face sending her to the ground, then stand over her and say, "Sorry ma'am…it's just what I do."  I know it doesn't help and isn't UPB, but it's fun to fantasize.

I was speaking at a pretty average volume. Unfortunately, nobody around me really paid attention. And I think that's a good point. Because people do nothing, this is allowed.

 

 I wish I was not alone during these times though. It would be way easier to have friends backing me up.

That would make a great movie scene!

 

Courageous and inspiring, Joel! I was not so courageous in a recent sighting of child abuse. I was about to start babysitting these two kids when the mother was saying goodbye to them, she told them she was leaving and asked for hugs and kisses. One of them - a  5 year old - ran towards her, hugged her, but accidentally hurt her because he used a bit too much force for a hug. She was angry, she grabbed his hair, pulled it back in order to force his face up to look at her, and she told him not to be so aggressive (or something incredibly hypocritical like that). I am disappointed in myself. I said nothing. But I want to fix my wrong and text this mother, whom I've babysat for on many occasions, and tell her to be less violent.

 

I don't know how to say it, I want to be effective in actually getting her to stop using violence, what would the best thing to text to her? Child abuse statistics and the consequences of them in later years - drug abuse for example? I really want to do this but I want to do it the right way. I applaud you for standing up for that child, could you help me do the same for this one? 

 

I appreciate your feed back and support. I understand that must be a difficult situation to be in. Nicholas, I feel really frustrated right now since I really want to give great advice, but I'm not really sure what the best approach would be. If you want to PM me, I would be curious to know more about your thoughts on what you would think would be a good approach or your feelings in general about the woman. 

 

 

 

Thank you for your moral courage.  I feel choked up right now knowing there are people like you out there.  You planted a seed in that child's mind that could save her life one day.  

I hope so, thanks for your response and your support, Baylor

 

 

 

Wow, this community is fearless. I applaud everyone speaking out for the better treatment of children when they have no voice of their own.

 

I can only imagine what this heinous mother posted on Twitter once she locked herself in her car. "OMG, a creepy man stuck up for my son and then threatened me! Should I call the police??"

haha yeah, I really hope that I caused that much discomfort in her. Maybe it's enough to disincentivize her from doing that in public again. 

 

Thanks for the reply!

 

 

Sorry you had to witness that. Thank you for protecting the defenseless. Thank you for sharing.

Your courage is admirable, even inspirational.

 

I appreciate your kind words! The support makes the next time that much easier, it really does. 

[TheSchoolofAthens]

Thank you for this post Joel, and thank you for those who tried to offer advice to me. I am going to figure out a way to approach this.