MysterionMuffles Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 https://www.facebook.com/DramaFever/posts/10152597903126961 I wanted to know what you guys thought of this video where a mother teaches her daughter how to say no to strange men. There's no reasoning behind it, and at face value it's a nice sentiment but something is still off about it to me... I also want to open up the discussion on other ways a parent can help shield them from predators. Public, online, or even in private predators.
AynRand Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 I wish the mother would explain the process of why the daughter should ward off predators, and maybe the mother did do that later on and just didn't post that video on facebook. I saw nothing cruel to the daughter in the video so that is a nice change of pace for youtube video's on parenting.
J. D. Stembal Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 This is terrible. Notice how the daughter's natural response to the scenarios is to agree since she likes swimming, ice cream and cookies. Her mother corrects her every time and prompts her to deny or refuse, especially if it is a man asking her these hypothetical questions. I'm not sure how rote memorization is going to protect this child from strangers. What if she encounters female abusers? Also, how will this grooming affect her future relationships with males? 1
Pepin Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I am not sure if this is good or bad. The mind at that age may have a difficult time understanding social aspects, especially if they believe that people are resources and the world is a great place, so the muscle memory approach might be most effective. There is going to be differences in intelligence which may make the understanding part difficult despite the level of parenting. I mean the girl in the video isn't really understanding what is happening, which may be because she is watching TV or something, or it might be because she isn't at an age where she can really understand what to do, making route muscle memory important. I want to believe the opposite is true, that teaching the child would be the best approach, but I don't know enough about child development to say. Up until some age, it might just be best to tell a child not to touch something without explaining why, because what does a word like "hot" mean to someone so young? Even if memorization is the best approach, which I don't know if it is, I am unsure if it is addressing the risks properly. Most kidnappers are friends and family, so having the emphasis on strangers a little dumb.The gender specificity also might provide some harm. Though it seems men do tend to kidnap at twice the rate, the female rate is still pretty significant, and it might enforce a "if its a female stranger, she is safe". 1
shirgall Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 While it's definitely inappropriate to teach risk analysis by claiming that all risk is unacceptable, everyone needs to learn to avoid being eaten by whatever the local variant of the tiger is. It is more difficult to teach critical evaluation skills, but it's definitely worth the time. This mom is not taking that time in this video. An important scenario to teach is "who do you trust when you are lost?" and "no" is not the right answer.
Better Future Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Also, I'm sure there are many strange men who just want to eat cookies and icecream.
J-William Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Seems pretty useless to me. Avoiding dangerous people is more about thinking than responding. If your kid doesn't know how to think they'll be vulnerable to predators and scams their whole life. Predators aren't stupid, if they're targeting your kid they won't just say "Damn! My plan is foiled, she doesn't want candy!" They'll seep through whatever cracks are there in her confidence or your relationship with your kid. And of course the most important thing for kids to know is that most predators are not strange men offering candy. That's a laughable stereotype.
Pepin Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 I do not know if candy and other bribes aren't actually used. I could see it as a good tactic in places where there are people because it would look pretty normal and the child would likely just go with it. The child without a bribe would likely become startled and start screaming for its mother. Bribes would be pointless if nobody was around, but then again you may not want a screaming child at least until they are in a car or house. Not sure if there is data on this. I might guess that most kidnappings happen in seclusion, but I do know that some occur at busy places like malls, and I think it would be more difficult and risky without ice cream.
kahvi Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 I'll preface this by saying that I haven't watched the video because I can't right now. Most predatory behavior against children is done by those the children already know anyway. So, it seems like this type of training would be useless. It's not necessarily strangers we need to worry about.
MysterionMuffles Posted January 4, 2015 Author Posted January 4, 2015 I'll preface this by saying that I haven't watched the video because I can't right now. Most predatory behavior against children is done by those the children already know anyway. So, it seems like this type of training would be useless. It's not necessarily strangers we need to worry about. Then that's really scary because how can you possibly have friends who are friends with your children? How do you know who's safe or not? I read that predators groom children right under the noses of their parents before they strike. I forgot where I read all this, I'm gonna have to find it again, but I remember reading that if you force your children to have to hug and kiss every last relative--even strange ones they don't even see often if at all--it will set them up to be susceptible to predators because the children are taught to never say no to uncomfortable instincts to not hug or kiss somebody.
kahvi Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Then that's really scary because how can you possibly have friends who are friends with your children? How do you know who's safe or not? I read that predators groom children right under the noses of their parents before they strike. I forgot where I read all this, I'm gonna have to find it again, but I remember reading that if you force your children to have to hug and kiss every last relative--even strange ones they don't even see often if at all--it will set them up to be susceptible to predators because the children are taught to never say no to uncomfortable instincts to not hug or kiss somebody. It's totally scary! But, I think you're right on with the kissing and hugging thing. Also, we need to listen to our children. When they adamantly don't want to be around a particular person, pay attention. I almost don't want to let my daughter spend the night over at other kids' homes, either.
J-William Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 It's totally scary! But, I think you're right on with the kissing and hugging thing. Also, we need to listen to our children. When they adamantly don't want to be around a particular person, pay attention. I almost don't want to let my daughter spend the night over at other kids' homes, either.In the abstract I think it can be fine for your kid to sleep over at some other kids home once their old enough. But in any specific case where I felt uneasy I would always trust my instincts. Trusting yourself and your kids will keep you safe most of the time.
kahvi Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 In the abstract I think it can be fine for your kid to sleep over at some other kids home once their old enough. But in any specific case where I felt uneasy I would always trust my instincts. Trusting yourself and your kids will keep you safe most of the time. True. At some point, children get old enough to understand what is and isn't acceptable and are able to communicate with parents about troubling issues. Then, it's important that the parent is always there to support their child and trust them. If the parent has always modeled honesty, created a secure connection and have never alienated their children by using punishments, I can't imagine that a child making something up like that.
Jonathan111 Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Why does it always have to be "strange men"? And how many children know what "strange" means in concrete terms? I explained to my daughter the difference between Type I and Type II errors of judgement. I quote Michael Shermer here: "Imagine that you are a hominid on the planes of Africa and you hear a rustle in the grass. Is it a dangerous predator or just the wind? If you assume it is a dangerous predator and it is just the wind, you have made a Type I error, but to no harm. But if you believe the rustle in the grass is just the wind when it is a dangerous predator, there’s a good chance you’ll be lunch" I then said, What if you are on the playground and you see a girl your age and her mother. Do you go up to them without your mommy and start of a conversation? Are they good people or bad people? If you think they are good and it turns out they are bad, what type of error did you make? We talked a bit more and she completely understood - and she is 5 years old. 1
neeeel Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 True. At some point, children get old enough to understand what is and isn't acceptable and are able to communicate with parents about troubling issues. Then, it's important that the parent is always there to support their child and trust them. If the parent has always modeled honesty, created a secure connection and have never alienated their children by using punishments, I can't imagine that a child making something up like that. Lets say that you let your child go to a sleepover, where they were hugged and kissed by the other parent, and your child was totally ok with it? Is it still not acceptable? Or just not acceptable to you? I mean, if you arent forcing them to kiss or be kissed by their granny when they leave from a visit, then you also need to accept the opposite, that you cant force them not to kiss someone, or accept a kiss from someone. The fact that it makes you uncomfortable is on you, not them. Yes, if you have a good relationship with your children, then they will come to you and talk about it, and thats good, you will be able to learn how they feel about it, and if they dont actually like being kissed, then you can discuss ways for them to say no. But if you are giving them the power to say no, then you ( unless you are inconsistent) are also giving them the power to say yes.,
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