Musings on Emotional Vampirism.

[Three]

The Narcissist's incessant hunt to acquire narcissistic supply is an exhausting full time job. Narcissistic supply, simply put, is any kind of attention that provides the narcissist with a feeling of power and self worth. This supply as essential to the Narcissist's mental equilibrium as alcohol is to an alcoholic. It is an addiction that arises from early abuse and neglect since abuse damages centers of the brain involved with processing endorphins and dopamine, which are essential for functions like emotional pain reduction and motivation.

This hunger, like all addictions, is insatiable and thus requires a lifelong time commitment. In addition to the excruciating amount of work that is inherent to this hunt and gather campaign, because the Narcissist cannot admit his shortcomings, cognitive dissonance is the default state of his mind and so he also needs to exert copious amounts of mental energy towards the impossible task of sustaining a plethora of reality distortions.

You see, he isn't a primitive, barely functioning, developmentally stunted,  fragmented shell of a personality compared to what a human being's potential actually is.

Neither his abusive outbursts nor his violent mood swings are symptoms of a traumatized brain, damaged by severe childhood abuse and neglect. No, these are not indications of dysfunction within the mind, but rather, these are unfortunate by products of a superior mind.

Similarly, If a Lamborghini cannot make certain maneuvers, such as quick 90 degree turns, it isn't because the steering wheel and brakes are damaged, it's because the car is always going so much faster than the Subaru or Mitsubishi and not to mention with so much more style and finesse. Or at least, that's what the narcissist tells himself, regardless if those other cars specialize in rally racing..

Redefining vices as virtues and turning shortcomings into badges of honor on a round the clock basis might sound inconceivable hard, but actually it's quite doable and that's where you come in. As long as you are within close proximity of the Narcissist, he will attempt to offload work of sustaining his contradictory fantasies onto you. Carrying the weight of falsehood is much easier if you can get others to support them.


Whether its by desperately putting himself at the center of attention in every interaction by talking louder than everyone else,  constantly fishing for compliments, bragging about his achievements so that you notice his brilliance, 1-uping you with condescending put downs disguised as jokes, he will find away to bring the interaction full circle back to him until the crumbling pillars of his ego is shored up.


These kind of interactions are incredibly draining to the target and it is for this reason that there has never been a more appropriate metaphor for the narcissist than mythical Vampire. That which we don't acknowledge within ourselves we recreate in others and it is during these kind of interactions that the Narcissist transmits their exhaustion to us. During these interactions wherein we feel the vitality sucked out of us, I believe, we are experiencing for a moment what the Narcissist avoids feeling within himself.


In addition to feeling exhausted, I also get a sense of sheer helplessness from these people. The emotional reaction I have is similar to how I feel when a perfectly decent looking individual wears about a gallon of make up and perfume in an attempt to either feel attractive, hide a physical flaw which they perceive will be a source of ridicule, provoke envy or maybe a combination of all three and something I haven’t mentioned all together.


Either way, the excess of extra junk on their face and body makes it really difficult to connect as it is incredibly distracting. I get this huge urge to convince the other person that they, ” look fine without the makeup! If anything, your attempts to fix yourself through makeup is making you uglier Could you please not wear so much perfume, it smells really bad. It's giving me a headache!”. This is shortly followed by the despair of knowing that such an attempt is futile. An even more grim example is that of the people who end up mutating themselves from humans into gargoyles through plastic surgery addiction.

Similarly when somebody piles on huge layers of achievement and character traits, such as intelligence, through obsessive boasting, which they perceive will make them more attractive, it’s incredibly distracting and if anything, makes the person uglier. Alas, there is no external solution to the problem of insecurity, whether that external solution applied to the self by the self or imposed from the outside.





 

[J. D. Stembal]

As an alcoholic, I would like to point out what alcohol meant for me. I used to think of it as a lubricant for social anxiety. Once I got a couple drinks in me, I could open up, focus and trust people. What I didn't understand was that I should have been trusting myself, and not opening up to untrustworthy people. The alcohol was the honey to attract me to hang out with losers, users, and abusers.

 

Take the alcohol away, like I did last year, and hanging out in certain groups of people quickly became intolerable for me, so I don't hang out with them. Alcoholism means for me that I was surrounded by assholes, as Stefan suggested in a show last April or May.

 

I was one of those males who would put on more cologne than I ought to have. I also spiked my hair up straight to the ceiling in an effort to make me look taller, like the bros from Jersey Shore. I didn't spend any time in tanning beds, though. I liked my pale white pallor. All this was in an effort for a Me Plus strategy to give me the confidence to deal with the emotional vampires of the club dating scene. I was one of the biggest narcissists out there.

 

Luckily, I never seriously considered plastic surgery. I did, however, fraternize with a plastic surgeon who told me all about penile enhancment. I shiver at the thought of the trade now. How ghastly!

[Three]

I'm glad to hear you're doing much better!

 

I can relate to some degree with using the me+ strategy of adding sexual attractiveness and vivaciousness to the self in order to feel valuable.

 

My old shirtless myspace selfies are a great testimant to this.

[J. D. Stembal]

I'm glad to hear you're doing much better!

 

I can relate to some degree with using the me+ strategy of adding sexual attractiveness and vivaciousness to the self in order to feel valuable.

 

My old shirtless myspace selfies are a great testimant to this.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with having pride in your health and body, but it's very obvious when men post shirtless selfies online that they are making the statement, "Look! See what I did to impress you?" Without the body, the brain cannot survive, and vice versa. The motivation for health and well being should come from within you.

 

I had a female friend a while back who was 28-ish and heavily playing the field. She had a profile on every free dating website out there, and she shared with me her profile once. It read like a who's who of every man she had slept with in the last three years. "If you have minimum wage tattoos (neck, face or hands), please don't contact me. If you have daddy issues and like dating girls young enough to be your daughter, don't contact me."

 

One of the lines referenced narcissist men who show their man tits on their profile pictures. I now understand that she thought it was acceptible for her to call men out on their shortcomings (men whom she had dated in the past), but why couldn't she just come out and say, "This is the man I want...?" It struck me as peculiar that the profile read like an admission of her terrible choices in partners without her coming out and saying, "I have a terrible choice in men."

 

After listening to Mr. Molyneux, I can say with near certainty that her inability to find the man she was seeking was due to her not having a stable father in her life. I met her mother, almost 50, and she was even more gorgeous than her daughter, and also perpetually single. I've heard that she's now married and expecting, so I hope her sense of judgement turns out to be better than her mother's for her child's sake.

[Three]

I don't think there's anything wrong with having pride in your health and body, but it's very obvious when men post shirtless selfies online that they are making the statement, "Look! See what I did to impress you?" Without the body, the brain cannot survive, and vice versa. The motivation for health and well being should come from within you.

 

I agree.  Self generated self worth, pride, respect, and motivation to take care of one's self are all essential aspects of individuation and healthy development.