regevdl Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Hello FDR friends, Does anyone find it insulting when you hear stories or see in movies the 'death bed apology'? I used to get sucked into those stories and scenes and cry and get all emotional but now it just pisses me off when I see/hear about them....if I know the person receiving the apology has tried to 'reform' the person on the death bed. My initial personal view on this is if I or anyone lives a life, unafraid to speak the truth in a compassionate manner to friends, family/close loved ones consistently and the friend/family mocks, resists, etc and only on the death bed apologizes or 'reforms', I would not show any mercy in terms of accepting their apology because I see it as selfish. If they believe in an afterlife, then they are only trying to 'hurry up' and conform to the standards of their afterlife, rather than try to provide any closure or healing to me in the grievence they may have caused in our lives over the years. If I was a person who was too afraid to confront immorality, etc and never spoke the truth and was given a death bed apology, I guess I would be more susceptible to accept it because I myself am more likely to hold in my guilty thoughts until my dying day if I haven't spoken up over the years. Being that I am a person who doesn't shy away from controversial topics and someone who I have tried to 'reform' for a lack of a better term, over the years gave me a death bed apology I would not accept it. Any thoughts or other perspectives on this?
Alan C. Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Does anyone find it insulting when you hear stories or see in movies the 'death bed apology'? Yes, because it's not an act of contrition; it's an attempt to gain absolution. 1
NotDarkYet Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 I imagine a bad-guy falling to his death, firing his last shots into the air. 1
Crallask Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 It just shows they knew they were doing evil but want to admit it when they can face NO consequences for it. I think it's evil in its own way. It's like admitting to a murder after you become the emperor. You only admit to it because no one can give you any punishment for it! 1
J. D. Stembal Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 I imagine a bad-guy falling to his death, firing his last shots into the air. I had to do it. A better question for this thread is if a person is waiting until they are sick and dying to apologize for wrongs they have committed, why didn't you excommunicate them from your life long before then? Apologies are pointless when nothing can be done about it. 2
Marshall B Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 What a great observation/question. All good replies too. Wouldn't it depend on how they apologized. It's true that the door of eternal darkness being right in front of them is the reason they now see the light but the apology is probably genuine. Or let's just say it is is. They totally get it now and aren't just apologizing but giving a detailed response as to why and how they went wrong. Death being their rock bottom. It's too late to make amends and it is pointless but at least they finally got it. Some don't even get it at that point. I'm not sure what I would do to be honest. If anyone was watching I wouldn't accept the apology because I wouldn't want the dieing persons behavior getting justifed and portrayed as somewhat exceptable. Maybe I just answered my own question. 1
regevdl Posted January 31, 2015 Author Posted January 31, 2015 kudos for video response. lol To play devil's advocate, let's say there was attempts by the living/healthy person to 'reform'....I really hate using that word so if anyone has an alternate...please feel free. But the virtuous person has made attempts to reform the other. I don't really know anyone who is sitting around and waiting to die or become ill. I mean I was a selfish bitch back in the day but I wouldn't say I was subconsciously or consciously thinking 'man I will definitely come clean on my last day'. That's why I was a selfish bitch because I didn't even recognize I was being a selfish bitch. No one knows when they are going to die and when a virtuous person reaches out to try to reform another (a loved one), no one knows when they will finally 'get it' or wake up. In that time of reasonable attempts, they could fall ill or injured that may lead to an untimely death. I agree that when a virtuous person has lived honestly and tried to 'reform' loved ones and cuts ties when hope is lost in their participation but there is usually a window of overlap to give the person a chance. I agree with your last statement completely that apologies or amends are pointless when action is no longer possible. I find it actually more passive aggressive than even a benign or courageous act. I find it quite hostile to apologize in such a manner if i'm being totally honest. What a great observation/question. All good replies too. Wouldn't it depend on how they apologized. It's true that the door of eternal darkness being right in front of them is the reason they now see the light but the apology is probably genuine. Or let's just say it is is. They totally get it now and aren't just apologizing but giving a detailed response as to why and how they went wrong. Death being their rock bottom. It's too late to make amends and it is pointless but at least they finally got it. Some don't even get it at that point. I'm not sure what I would do to be honest. If anyone was watching I wouldn't accept the apology because I wouldn't want the dieing persons behavior getting justifed and portrayed as somewhat exceptable. Maybe I just answered my own question. For me, no...how they apologized wouldn't trump the fact that they are apologizing in a situation where they can not take actionable recourse. The fact that even if they believe in eternal darkness or fluffy clouds and that is influencing their behavior more than a human to human contact over time especially if one was honest enough to share their grievance the other person caused and they still never apologized or used lame justifications only to 'come clean' their last day is quite hostile, cowardly and insulting to everything religion or morality and ethics stands for the way I see it. I didn't always feel this way. I went along with the 'forgive' propaganda or 'show sympathy' and I fortunately have never been in this situation but know people who have and it might give the living resolve in the moment but from what i've seen on the sides is that it still eats at them in the long run. It's sad. I don't think that those living would feel differently if they had more 'explainations' from the dying.
tasmlab Posted February 3, 2015 Posted February 3, 2015 When Darth Vader talks to Luke right before he steps into the void at the end of Return of the Jedi, he seems to gloss over the fact that he was instrumental in killing billions of people. Yea, not quite satisfying.
Carl Green Posted February 4, 2015 Posted February 4, 2015 An apology is just words, and words are only worth the breath used to speak 'em. 1
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