utopian Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 So I have had a lot of problems all throughout my life, and have lived around these problems. More recently I have been on a path of self discovery, and have found out that life was not supposed to be this hard for me. It is kind of a relief knowing that, but also fairly depressing, as I am wondering what my potential is now limited to. I still do not understand the depths of my problems. I will likely be posting them piece by piece here. The first thing I think I want to understand, is what it means to be a shaken baby. Both my parents confirm it happened to me when I was a newborn with a broken collar bone. No one knew until an xray later, but I did cry an awful lot. My mother would jump around with me trying to cheer me up, making it worse. Unfortunately what my mother would often do in foolishness, my father would do in maliciousness. My father, a few days into my birth, would shake me angrily trying to get me to shut up. I read somewhere that 3 out of 4 babies die of shaking. It must have some very clear effects. Everywhere I go to read more about it however I run into a wall of jargon and cant understand the complete ramifications. I get confused easily. I was hoping if anyone could tell me, fairly simply, what kind of symptoms shaken babies develop, and how it effects their lives.
ResurrectMyself Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I'm very sorry to hear you've been treated this way as a child. Shaking babies can lead to neurological damage or death, however, since you are still here and are capable of forming coherent sentences I think your brain is physically fine.I have no idea if it might have psychological effects though, but I can imagine that finding out your dad used to maliciously shake you is enough cause for you to reconsider your treatment in childhood.
utopian Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 One of the reasons I am posting this is I am going to college, and a professor noticed I was struggling unusually hard, and put me up for testing. I found out I have a learning disability. I have a perceptual reasoning score of 127, which is exceptional, but a processing speed of 78. I cant absorb information from outside my senses very well, but I can usually theorize in my own head about things. It makes certain things easy and certain things difficult. Like learning about baby shaking. I often can't grasp what I am reading. I suspect it had a large part in creating disability, and I am thinking if I understood it more, I could better deal with my disability. There are other things too. One step at a time though.
ResurrectMyself Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 I'm very sorry to hear that, it might very well be that your learning disability stems from being a shaken baby. There are definitely ways to deal with such things and it'd be advantageous to find a personal coach that can help you with your studies. Consider asking your teacher if there are any resources you could make use of because of your disability. 1 1
aliasneo Posted February 28, 2015 Posted February 28, 2015 Very good job for making this post. I know it must have been difficult, but congratulations for making it to this point. I hope your experience here is very helpful. This is a very good community. Have you ever had problems talking about subjects like this in the past, such as with your family, teachers, friends...? Welcome to the community. I hope you're going to do stick around for a long time. With your screen name, I can tell you have a lot of peace now in your life or you're well on your way.
utopian Posted March 4, 2015 Author Posted March 4, 2015 My life was more difficult than the post I think. I have gotten by mostly by sticking to the idea that I do not need people and their opinions do not matter. I don't get ashamed so easily. Although, I certainly have never understood socializing, always been alone and rarely had any friends. I am fairly old and dont really have any. I am almost OK with it, though now that I am achieving certain philosophical goals I am starting to understand thats not the way its supposed to be for a fulfilled life. I also am very unempathetic. Sociopathic maybe. I dont care about anyone, cept maybe my sister. I often have found myself wishing my parents would die painful deaths, and that I even hope it gets recorded so I can watch it. Then I think about what I am thinking about, and wonder at how much of a messed up person I must be. The thing is, being shaken as a baby was only a part of what I went through, its just the first thing I am looking to understand. I don't really talk to anyone, cept online. Never had a forum where I could discuss things philosophically. Therapy has not helped much, but philosophy has. I think if I am going to find answers, it will be here.
Drew. Posted March 18, 2015 Posted March 18, 2015 I'm really sorry to hear that man. Like, so very sorry to hear that. That's so messed up what your parents did to you. Given how they treated you, I think that it is perfectly reasonable and healthy to feel that much anger toward your parents. They nearly killed you as an infant, and they certainly have left you severally damaged. I would imagine that connecting with that anger (but not actually doing it!) would be a very helpful, healing, and cathartic pursuit. I'm sorry to hear that therapy hasn't helped you much, but I'm glad to hear that philosophy has. I wish you the best, man.
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