has anyone conquered hard addictions?

[the wandering shaman]

i understand addictions are an attempt to escape unresolved traumas, i have had a lot of problems with morphine addiction because 'it feels like love'...it's a warm feeling similar the the womb and it feels like a replacement for a life without love, i must admit to having a very addictive personality, I'd be interested in discussing the philosophy and self knowledge angle of addictions, specifically addictions that cause you an immense amount of physical and psychological pain to quit to the point where your Dr tells you that you cannot quit due to how dangerous it is physically to stop, I'm talking about for example opium/morphine addiction

 

anyone with thoughts and experience on this from a self knowledge and philosophical perspective?

[Justin K.]

.

[Mothra]

I have experienced addiction. Not to the extreme you speak of, but I battled some pretty hard drugs for a while. I was lucky in that I got pregnant fairly soon after going down that road and was able to steer myself off that path.

 

I was always a terribly shy person. I was always extremely conscious of how I presented myself, what I said, etc for fear of being criticized or made fun of. The first time I ever got drunk I felt so liberated. All of those self-erected barriers came down and I could be myself. The first time I tried cocaine, it was the same thing but even more intense. I remember talking for hours and stuff just came pouring out. No filters at all. And not only was I not laughed at, but I was even liked. It was an awesome feeling. When I did crack it was very different. It wasn't about releasing inhibitions, but releasing reality. For a few minutes the world and my head would disappear.

 

I still have a lot of work ahead of me in terms of self knowledge, but I'm at a place now where I don't have nearly as many barriers. I have people in my life that I can be myself around. I never went the 12 step route because it's bullshit. I have occasionally had a few drinks, but have noticed that it's not as fun as it used to be. I would just end up getting tired and falling asleep. I suspect it's because I'm already uninhibited so there's nothing for the alcohol to do. I now don't even bother with alcohol. I haven't touched cocaine in 12 years and have no desire to.

 

I would be curious about your experience. I've heard other people say that morphine is like love or a warm hug. What do you think drove you to that particular drug?

[J. D. Stembal]

I've avoided IV drugs due to my immense dislike of doctors, hospitals and the needles, but everything Zosha said about feeling free, especially in social situations, is spot on.

 

My greatest and most debilitating addiction is with alcohol and sex. Throw cocaine into the mix and it's porno on nitro. Many times, the morning after the congress, I could not recall much of it. I've also experienced much shame at whom I found lying in bed next to me. From Hell's Heart I stab at Thee.

 

I've been to one NA meeting and I will never go back. Any program that encourages you to give up your autonomy to a deity cannot be helpful in the long run. Plus, all the members were chain smokers, and I've been trying to quit smoking for decades.

 

The bottom line is that I have been drug and sex free for nine months and it feels wonderful. I also went cold turkey. I've had one beer and one glass of champagne since then.

 

Why does the doctor say you can't quit the morphine? Could it be he wants to keep seeing you as a patient? I would be highly skeptical of what most health professionals tell you. Most of them are bought by pharmaceutical companies. Morphine was invented by an apothecary, which is another word for pharmacist.

[Drew.]

For what it's worth, I've never had any addictions to any hard substances in the manner that would impact my health. But, I've been drawn to things like video games to such a degree that I was near the point of becoming homeless by neglecting searching for work. The intensity has dropped a lot as I've managed to reduce the stressors in my life--getting rid of certain toxic relationships--and also work on why I'm so unhappy with myself and my life. Addictions are a substitute for love and acceptance, so we need to give that to ourselves to fill those needs so we're no longer drawn to the surrogates as much. My situation is certainly not the same as yours, but I still think that my experiences are relevant to your own path.

[Hayden]

From a personal experience, I used to self medicate with marijuana and other things through out high-school (in retrospect now) because of a growing loss of self and interactions with my family. I had a step parent who could be quite verbally abusive, and the other would never do anything to negate the negative interactions between all of us. After a few years of self destructive habits and relationships, I tried mushrooms and it ironically got me to stop using drugs as I came to realize the scope of the win-lose relationships I got sucked into because of it (e.g. friends who were there just for drugs etc.) and after awhile came to the terms of the social anxiety I have which I repressed with drugs.

 

I can't quite relate to the extreme physical pains you speak of, but I know for my case it filled the emotional/social gap for awhile I couldn't relate to people who were sober and rather couldn't empathize with my self because it was too anxiety provoking to come to the truth of the matter.

 

I got a lot of work to do, but is this the kind of thing you are alluding to The Wandering Shaman? Anyway, sorry for all the negative things mentioned so far, I hope you all find peace with it!