I vs. You

[TheSchoolofAthens]

I was just downstairs about to make myself a sandwich when I thought "You are going to make a yummy sandwich!" I paused for a moment in a bit of confusion and thought "You? I mean I! I am going to make a yummy sandwich." 

It may seem like a weird way of coming to this question, but I wonder, is there anything significant when one is thinking to oneself whether he or she uses I or you? If one uses you, it sounds like it is coming from a third party and being directed at the self. Now, even if one says I when talking to oneself, one could still be talking to oneself through ones internal mother, father, etc. 

I hope its of interest to someone here, I certainly think its worth sharing to get peoples thoughts. Please tell me what you think or share some interesting sources! 

[Kevin Beal]

Who did it sound like?

 

Are you familiar with the concept of the Mecosystem?

 

Philosopher Kings have premium content specifically about this topic which I find absolutely fascinating. (It used to be available to bronze donators, hmm...). There's also a lot of podcasts in the general stream about it, but which don't go too deep into the theory.

 

I talk about my own experience of it here, and here.

[hitbox]

I concentrated on staying positive while running my erands today and had two pleasent encounters, I believe, because of it.

 

Saying to yourself "You are going to make a yummy sandwich," sounds to me like a happy, positive thought. Almost like, "I'm going to make you a yummy sandwich!" "I" and "you" both being yourself.

 

It reminds me of the advice to be nice yourself.

[JanneW]

That's a fascinating topic! Years ago, long before I'd heard about IFS or the like, I noticed that I had several modes of talking to myself. Sometimes I would say "I", sometimes "you" and sometimes even "we" when addressing myself. These different choices of pronouns was what led me to discovering the existence of "sub-personalities" within me. It was later that I noticed that there were more than just three of them and that they differed in tone and content as well, but it all began with me noticing the strangeness of me addressing myself as "you". Like in: "You blew it again, now did you!" or "You can't do a thing right!"

 

It took me years to separate this voice from the rest of my inner dialogue and to trace its origins to a black figure hiding in the cracks of the walls, trying to bring me down with endless criticism while taking not a shred of responsibility upon itself. Then I found another part in me, the part that was actively doing this exploration, the only voice that would use "I" to describe myself. I found that this "I" had to take responsibility, to give the structure and solidity that all the "you" and "we" voices lacked.

 

Today, things are more relaxed within my mecosystem. Whenever a voice speaks up like: "You need to have everything ready before the guests arrive! You spent too much time on your own stuff!", I usually take notice and greet the voice: "Hello. Take a seat and say what you have to say. Who's that 'you' you're talking about, doesn't that include you too?" Then I rephrase all the sentences with "I". Oh, *I* need to have everything ready? Is that really true? Would it be the end of the world, if everything is not ready? To what extent do *I* find this task important? And I feel much, much better.

 

Thanks for bringing this up! I'd certainly like to hear more of the inner 'yous' of all of you!

[TheSchoolofAthens]

Who did it sound like?

 

Are you familiar with the concept of the Mecosystem?

 

Philosopher Kings have premium content specifically about this topic which I find absolutely fascinating. (It used to be available to bronze donators, hmm...). There's also a lot of podcasts in the general stream about it, but which don't go too deep into the theory.

 

I talk about my own experience of it here, and here.

Sometimes, I think it sounds like my mom - you know those moments where our moms were very sweet and playful, I hope we all had at least some moments like that. I appreciate those links! I am listening to the video as I type this. I want to look more into mecosystems now.

I concentrated on staying positive while running my erands today and had two pleasent encounters, I believe, because of it.

 

Saying to yourself "You are going to make a yummy sandwich," sounds to me like a happy, positive thought. Almost like, "I'm going to make you a yummy sandwich!" "I" and "you" both being yourself.

 

It reminds me of the advice to be nice yourself.

I agree, it can sound very nice! But I will touch back up on the potential flaw in this below!

 

That's a fascinating topic! Years ago, long before I'd heard about IFS or the like, I noticed that I had several modes of talking to myself. Sometimes I would say "I", sometimes "you" and sometimes even "we" when addressing myself. These different choices of pronouns was what led me to discovering the existence of "sub-personalities" within me. It was later that I noticed that there were more than just three of them and that they differed in tone and content as well, but it all began with me noticing the strangeness of me addressing myself as "you". Like in: "You blew it again, now did you!" or "You can't do a thing right!"

 

It took me years to separate this voice from the rest of my inner dialogue and to trace its origins to a black figure hiding in the cracks of the walls, trying to bring me down with endless criticism while taking not a shred of responsibility upon itself. Then I found another part in me, the part that was actively doing this exploration, the only voice that would use "I" to describe myself. I found that this "I" had to take responsibility, to give the structure and solidity that all the "you" and "we" voices lacked.

 

Today, things are more relaxed within my mecosystem. Whenever a voice speaks up like: "You need to have everything ready before the guests arrive! You spent too much time on your own stuff!", I usually take notice and greet the voice: "Hello. Take a seat and say what you have to say. Who's that 'you' you're talking about, doesn't that include you too?" Then I rephrase all the sentences with "I". Oh, *I* need to have everything ready? Is that really true? Would it be the end of the world, if everything is not ready? To what extent do *I* find this task important? And I feel much, much better.

 

Thanks for bringing this up! I'd certainly like to hear more of the inner 'yous' of all of you!

Thank you for sharing your experiences and expanding upon what I've discovered in myself. I've listened to podcasts where it's been discussed how individuals can have their internal parents - or other familiar people from the past - speak to them. 

 

I think there is a danger in talking to ones self by addressing ones self as "you" or "we." You excellently pointed out that lack of responsibility that comes along with this, as well as the horrible criticism. Throughout our lives, we probably hear "You did this wrong! You messed up! You x, you y, you z! You, you, you!" In other words, when we heard "you" in not the nicest of ways, yelled at us, it stuck with us and we internalized those voices. Of course, sometimes I talk to myself by addressing myself as "you" in nice ways, like hitbox above mentioned, it can sound like a cheerful thing! The danger with this, I believe, is that by talking to myself with anything but I, I am opening myself up to the criticism and praise of others. This is dangerous because there can be many voices (people from the past that I have internalized, of course) that want to do me harm, or maybe don't have the intent do me harm but still do. On the contrary, if I am to get praise it needs to be permitted and accepted by me, not by a third party that if I let in to praise me can just as easily destroy me. 

 

I also like how you pointed out the responsibility aspect. When I tell myself "You should do this" I feel like it's the third party nagging me or telling me to do something, instead of myself. This makes perfect sense, after all, "you" is a word that comes from someone else addressing me. If I say I should do this, I know that it is I, Nicholas, who is in charge, thinking, and making decisions - not the good or bad of someone else.