things make sense Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 I was watching this video: It is about a mom telling a boy he shouldn't hang out with her daughter at school and leave her alone basically. I'm not sure why but after watching it, I had this surge of emotion that emerged out of nowhere and wanting to defend this boy. I felt that she was being condescending and thought she should be talking to the boy's parents. Still trying to figure out why I reacted emotionally though. Anyone else feel the same way?
PatrickC Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 One way to test this in your mind. Is reverse the genders and ask yourself how does it feel for you then. It's by no means scientific, but it will give you some idea as to the validity of this complaint. First thing, why is this mother not teaching her daughter that this is normal for boys to ask her out. That they can get crushes on girls and it's something young ladies have to go through. That it's very often a compliment. There is very little background to this, since we don't know how long it's been going on for. It could have been a month or it could have been a year. However, if it's now becoming "harassment", as the mother is suggesting. Then it's the mothers duty to either try and connect with the boys parents or the schools principle to see if there is an issue in his personal life that is causing him to not understand her disinterest. But no the mother goes on YouTube and posts a shaming video for all the world to see. It's a low rent response that is only teaching her daughter that publicaly humiliating guys that she doesn't like is normal and preferred behaviour. 4
things make sense Posted March 15, 2015 Author Posted March 15, 2015 Hmm yeah, she might not have a lot of empathy for men in generally. I could be wrong of course. But spot on analysis!
PatrickC Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 I had this surge of emotion that emerged out of nowhere and wanting to defend this boy. I certainly have empathy for your feelings here. What one of us men can honestly say we never experienced some of what this boy is experiencing now.
Matthew Ed Moran Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 I'm not sure if she said anything unreasonable (depending on what the context actually was), but I do think making it a public video is wrong and humiliating.
J. D. Stembal Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 This thread brings me back to middle school. I had a crush on a transfer student. Her and I were the two tallest people in our grade that played basketball competitively, so we often guarded the other as centers in the intramural leagues. We were both centers on our respective school team. This was after I had called her a few times earlier in the year to ask her out and her father had to tell me not to call the house again. Needless to say, we were incredibly physical with each other in the paint, throwing elbows, and fouling hard. She got me in the face really hard one time, and I thought I was going to have a bloody nose. The referees had to warn us and threaten ejection on at least one occasion. Of course, I was a bit bitter about being rejected for being so forward about wanting to go on a date with her, so that explains my aggressiveness, but I wasn't quite sure what motivated her. Perhaps it was her father telling her to pulverize the creep that dared to call the house several times, or she was insulted that a boy two inches shorter than her would dare to ask her out. It's hard to know at age twelve what the hell is going on socially and sexually. Regarding the video, it would be instructive to have learned why the boy liked the girl in the first place, and why the girl has no desire to reciprocate, or even handle the situation herself. The video is tacky. Get over yourselves, boys! Persistence isn't attractive! I have a feeling this is all about the mother and the daughter being offended that a male of lesser perceived status has the gall to make a play for the honeypot, so to speak. 2
kalmia Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Did you have someone to help you sort things like this out when you were an early teen? Did you have a mother who supported and loved you then? I think the thing that makes rejection from a girl sting so hard is not having the feeling that you have a mother who will still love and support you through the rejection. Also, not having a father figure to help you make sense of it adds a huge amount of confusion. I know this is what made it so difficult for me at that age. I didn't see my mother or grandmother empathizing with my boy feelings. I remember pointing out something said to me, and my mother and grandmother would minimize what happened. They didn't bother to try to understand why it bothered me so much. My dad was too awkward to discuss anything like this.
Recommended Posts