madeira Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Hi guys, My first post here My 6yo old daughter asks about what happens when people die in a sense what is going to happen to HER. The discussion started perhaps 1 year ago when we talked about how long people leave, how a person grows up and becomes adult, then old and then person dies. She related this to herself and asked how long will she live and me and my wife explained that it will be a very long time for the parent to become old and for her it will be VERY VERY long time. But still she asked what will happen when she will die. As heartbreaking it is I tried to explain that it will be like going to sleep without dreams and never wake up. The dialog was as follows (we are foreign, so translated to English as closely to original as possible": HER: "What I am going to see?" ME: "Nothing, it is like a sleep with no dreams" HER: "Will it be dark, will there be no dreams?" ME: "Nothing at all" HER: "But it will be boring. How long it will be?" We spent some time discussing this and it seems hard to explain that she will not be feeling anything when dead. Then she asked what will become of the body. Seems like the fact of the burial was shocking, she asked "why to bury the body, is it because it will be a nuisance for others?". At this point our other daughter (4yo) said "I don't want to die and I don't want to be buried in the ground" It is tough. We parents are both with PhD in science and look at death from this point of view. Once synapses in a brain cease, there will be nothing at all. My wife seeing how it upsets our oldest daughter started to say that we don't know exactly what happens after death and some people think that there will be a place where after death people become angels with wings, but seeing the reaction in my daughter's face of happiness totally broke my heart and we discussed that it is definitely NOT true. So this topic comes back occasionally I try to explain matter-of-factly with no much fuss. It seems like the only thing that calms her down is that she will live for very very long time. What do you guys do in similar situations? Madeira 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ribuck Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 It's common for children to gain an awareness of death around the age of 5 or 6. I can remember from my own childhood having a disturbing mental image of the world endlessly turning but me unable to be in it. With my own children, I explained it in three ways. First, I told them that after life ends it is exactly like the time before birth - there is no awareness of anything, no sadness, etc. It's just outside of the time that a person experiences and is aware of. Second, I related to them my own life experience. After having children, my own unease about death reduced. A little part of oneself lives on. Thirdly, I pointed out to them that without death it's fundamentally impossible to have life. They responded that they would rather be alive for a limited time than never to have lived at all, but that they still don't want to die. Fair enough, neither do I! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tasmlab Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 That was a good approach IMO. About me: I always thought death would be some careful discussion I would have with my kids when they were like 10, but it came up with all of them around the age 3. It's too prevalent in media to avoid. I use a similar approach as you. Just tell them the truth. Their grandma died last year (my mom) and they wanted to go to the funeral. It was too far to take everybody. I did snap a photo of her in her coffin so they could see. They sometimes say they miss her if they see a picture or video clip of her, but they know that she's dead and gone. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysterionMuffles Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 That was a good and truthful approach. I would add "everybody dies, it's a part of life. Some people take longer than others, and life is short, which is why we need to make everyday count." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheRobin Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Maybe you can try saying that it's like before you were born? Maybe that gives it a bit more clarity, idk. If one can have any clarity in that sense about something that by definition is unknowable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hannahbanana Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 To a point, I don't really think there's a way to talk about death without it being uncomfortable and a little painful. I'm pretty sure most people are afraid of it, and I don't blame them. Most of the time people use religion or ideas of the afterlife to run away from that discomfort or fear, which is not really accepting death, it's just altering the way you think it is so it's sugar coated. But in the end, it's all the same. Maybe if you talked to your kids about the discomforts that you face when thinking about death, but that you don't try to run away from it, it would help. That way, they understand that it's okay to feel weird about it, and that it's also possible to live a happy life while still accepting the reality of it? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luxfelix Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 You could also describe (and you'll certainly know better than me) the law of conservation of energy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drkmdn Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Wow so I suppose if you were Christian, you would have also brainwashed her to believe that angels and sky ghosts came down and took her away to heaven? You should have told her the truth instead of your propaganda. The truth is that nobody knows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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