MysterionMuffles Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/siblings/should-you-make-your-child-apologize After there's been a falling out between siblings, most parents insist that their children apologize to each other. If you ask children what they think of this practice, they’ll tell you: “When I’m mad, I hate apologizing. It just makes me madder at my sister.” “I don’t like it when my brother apologizes to me when my parents make him do it, because he acts like he doesn’t even mean it. It makes me mad all over again.” “It’s lying to apologize when you don’t mean it.” “When my parents make my brother apologize, I feel like I won. That feels good, but it doesn’t make me like him any better.” “Later I always like my sister again. I could apologize then. But not when I’m mad.”
ParaSait Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I'd say obviously not. If you do this, you're instilling that unconditional forgiveness is the right thing to do. That you're at fault and deserve to be shamed if you hold someone responsible for undesired behaviour towards you. And I guess we can all imagine what that leads to... But that doesn't mean the situation should be ignored. The parent ought to bring clarity in the situation and guide the children in figuring out how the conflict originated, and make clear who is at fault.
villagewisdom Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I couldn't get past the title / wording of the question. When would you ever "make" your children do anything? I wouldn't even attempt to respond to the apology issue until that is cleared up.
DaviesMa Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 I would ask what is the goal when having people apologise? Presumably it is to have them to realise the consequences of their actions and to adjust their behaviour in the future. If you force anyone to do anything then you are just addressing the symptom rather than the problem. As a practical solution: If you are trying to talk to a child (or adult) when they are angry, you will get no where. Find out the source of the conflict and try to agree why it happened. Stay calm when you do this, the biggest example you set for your children is emotional rather than verbal.Children aren't inherently 'bad', they have good reasons for their emotions, it is up to you to understand them. Encourage both sides to be empathetic. Put in place a way of resolving disputes in the future and if necessary, act as a mediator for disputes. 1
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