Online bullying, and Monica Lewinsky

[utopian]

So I was watching this TED talk by Monica Lewinsky, and I must say, as strange as it is, it has provoked a respect for her from me. It's really very interesting what she chooses to speak about, and really, there probably is not anyone else better suited to talk about it, or champion its cause. 

 

 

 

For those of you who need a TLDR, Monica is talking about being the first person to be at the center of a world wide cyber bullying phenomena. She talks about the effects of shaming being magnified over the internet, and the general effects of cyber bullying online today. It's really quite an interesting speech, and I feel it must have taken some bravery for Monica to come out to speak about these things even after all these years.

 

 

She comments as well about modern events like people who get humiliated online and kill themselves, and humiliating events like people hacking into the Icloud server and stealing nude pics of Jennifer Lawrence and other people. She calls for a new conversation on the necessity of empathy for people online.

 

 

 

 

Now this subject has an interesting resonance for me. I was humiliated as a kid in many ways by my parents. I was humiliated by classmates in certain ways. And you know what I did to cope with it?

 

First, I learned not to care about people.I developed a capacity for unempathy. It seems to have been a survival mechanism; you try to shame me, and its ok, because you don't matter. I still feel and operate this way today. It is one of the problems I am here to explore about myself, because I am near 30, I dont have any friends, I have never had a real relationship, and I feel very OK with it. I realize now that this is very unusual however. 

 

But second, I learned to retaliate against people who continually tried to shame me, by being ruthlessly vicious with humiliating other people. I get to know people only with the sole intention of hurting them very badly if they ever try to hurt me. I usually succeed, and succeed very well. I would tell people how their parents don't care about them. I would tell people how messed up they are  because of their failed relationships. I would tell people no one gives a fuck about them and that they should go kill themselves. I would tell people things that were even worse to them specifically.

 

I developed a skill to break people with words, and break people I did. I broke my mom and my dad, sent them running and crying. I was filled with a sadistic glee about it. I would do this to anyone who tried to humiliate me in real life. But where I really used to break people, where I could magnify my effects and develop this skill exponentially, was online. Everyone does it; I just practiced it and do it much better than anyone else. Its exactly the thing Monica is speaking against. Thats why I like her speech, because she has put into words what I have already known but couldnt say. 

 

 

Now, this "skill" of mine comes with obvious side effects. I don't know how to turn it off. I cant make friends. I cant have a real relationship. I don't think I will ever really recover. I am too old to spend much time on it, and if I did spend as much time unlearning this as I have spent learning it, by the time I was done I will probably be in my 60s. The real issue here, I think, is that what Monica sees, and what I see, is being institutionally developed, all across the internet. People are trolling each other online on a day to day basis, developing this skill I have developed, and they arent realizing they are putting themselves in my position. Its a worldwide cultural revolution of unempathy, and there seems to be no end in sight. That's the real problem. And I don't think there is anyone in the world "equipped" to handle this problem, except philosophers. 

[labmath2]

Your story resonates so much with me that if i had empathy, i would cry. I dont have friends either and i can usually tell something that i can say that would hurt someone's feeling within a few hours of spending time aroung them. I think unempathy is both a strenght and a weakness. I dont troll online, but i enjoy reading someone else being trolled.

[fractional slacker]

I am sorry to hear your parents were shitty to you as a child. If they were abusive, you had every right to retaliate. They are responsible for your success, not the other way around. I hope you find a way to reconnect with yourself, and others.

Would it be "cyber bullying" to point out this woman made her name performing voluntary sexual favors on a married man?

 

Would it be "cyber bullying" to point out Ms. Lewinsky has parlayed that "mistake" into a career of spouting the virtues of victimhood?

Would it be "cyber bullying" to point out her political parasite married boyfriend decided to lob a few cruise missiles at an aspirin factory to try and distract the press from this whole tawdry mess Ms. Lewinsky and Billy boy got themselves into?  

 

Would it be "cyber bullying" to criticize Ms. Lewinsky and her fellow SJW cohorts who prefer to cloak censorship by playing the victim card for consensual relations?

[utopian]

Don't get me wrong, I don't think anyone should forget anything that Monica did.

 

But it's been nearly two decades. There has to be some forgiveness at some point. Otherwise, what does it say about people who hang on to such constant shaming for so long? Who does it hurt, after all that time? Eventually, after shaming and hating on someone or anyone for so long, you may not notice, that is the kind of person you become. 

 

I never noticed myself what a nasty person it was I became, until I started getting off the virtual world, and more into the real world, and seeing the new person I was reflected in others. 

 

And I do think the best that can be made of this situation, is to bring to light the culture of unempathy that does pervade the internet. It is a real issue that people slander each other online, humiliate them to the point of suicide even. Innocent people who do not deserve it, as much as guilty people. What about yourself? Can you say you are the one who can cast the first stone?

[fractional slacker]

The issue at hand, correct me if I am wrong, is which do you value more: freedom of speech or freedom to not be offended. 

I don't condemn Lewinsky for her tawdry behavior two decades ago. I could care less. I am opposed to anyone that champions suppressing free speech even if that speech hurts someone's feelings be it online or in a classroom ( eg Jeremiah True).