opinion of my relationship

[dmart1287]

I have been saying my current g.f for a year she has stuck with me with tough times during this year. Recently I have been very distant from her I've been noticing we do not have much in common. Long silences and not much to talk about She's is in love with me as she said I'm her best b.f ever. As she has had a history of abuse and x b.f. who were terrible. In my Head I keep thinking there is someone out there who can be more like me. Who likes my interest just as much as me economics philosophy or should I Stay with someone who already cares for me dearly.

[Matthew Ed Moran]

Sorry to hear.

 

Have you thought about calling into the show?

 

Also, you might want to check this book out: 

 

http://cdn.media.freedomainradio.com/feed/books/RTR/Real_Time_Relationships_by_Stefan_Molyneux_PDF.pdf

[J. D. Stembal]

I keep thinking there is someone out there who can be more like me.

 

Change this sentence around to "I keep thinking there is someone out there who is more like me," and you've already got a lot more possibilities.

 

The choice of the words can be implies that they are being compelled to act like you.

 

Other than that, you haven't provided much information on what troubles you about your girlfriend. Having not much in common is a vague phrase. It could mean that you don't like the same television shows or music genres. Do you have virtues in common?

[dmart1287]

We do share peaceful parenting in common I'm attracted to her. She is too me as well. She has none of the same interest as me learning and growing. And I want a best friend as Well as a lover Where we can talk for hours and I don't have that with her.

[RicardoMata]

I'll start by stating that probably no one here will tell you what you should do.

 

Having said that I still cannot help you as I'm not a tarot card dealer. If you could provide more information about the relationship and some background that would help alot.

 

Also: what Matthew M. said is very important.

[Invicta]

Hello dmart127,

I have a couple of thoughts for you based on my own experiences and judgments based on the little information you posted.   

I'll start with the judgements:

I think you have already decided that this girl is not the right one for you.  You are hiding behind a fabricated sense of obligation to her because she stayed with you while you where in a shitty state.  You are actively avoiding confronting real personal issues, which you have not described, by cowardly distracting yourself with these fabricated relationship responsibilities.  You are fully aware that your girlfriend is also desperately trying to avoid confronting her own insecurities through the mutual delusion and subjugation the two of you are acting out with the relationship.  You know in your heart that the impetus is on you to make the hard decision of initiating perhaps the first honest discussion the two of you have ever had.

 

Thoughts:

You make a brief statement about how she has supported you through your troubles, but then the entire focus of your post is how she does not meet your needs.  To me this reveals that there is a great divide in your relationship.  If she is so supportive how is it possible that she is not interested in having deep discussions with you on topics that are important to you?  Likewise, how can you seek out relationship advice on this forum, and post such a self involved question, if you are honestly concerned with well being your current partner?  You cannot simultaneously ask weather or not you should stay with her and only be concerned about your needs.  I'm not criticizing, I'm pointing out what I read in your post.

 

Solution:  Have an honest discussion with your girlfriend about your relationship.

 

I recommend you read or listen to "Real Time Relationships" by Stephan, as recommended earlier by Matthew.  If the material is meaningful to you then try to get your girl to read it as well.  Unfortunately it's one of those books that only has an impact when the person is ready for it.  If you owe her anything it's the chance to learn from this book.

 

 

The discussions I had with my ex-girlfriend of 8 years using the real time method made the light bulbs go on over my head.  My girl refused to read the book and bringing it up became a pejorative.  Regardless, I followed the methodology and resisted the urge to storytime reality.  I had previously been in a vicious cycle of escalating arguments that left me feeling drained and putting up emotional shields.  The very first time I stayed in the moment during an argument I had a completely different experience.  For the first time in 8 years, she was the one that backed away and tried to end the fight.  It was shocking for both of us.  

She eventually revealed to me that she's really not interested in genuine resolution of our relationship issues.  She even went as far as to suggest that we separate for a few months so I have some time to deal with my personal issues so it wont interfere with our relationship.  She straight up told me she expected me to be her listener while she decompressed from her daily stress, but that she was not interested in reciprocating.  I'm single now with my own place.  Stephan's book is awesome.

[DaviesMa]

I think Invicta has called it spot on in his first paragraph, although none of us have enough information to really dissect your situation.

 

It is telling to me that you say that she is not into learning and growing. If this is accurate then this wil be hugely destructive to your future happiness. Trying to pursue personal growth whilst in a relationship with someone who wants to stay the same is like trying to run the 100m with a bungee cord attached to your starting block. The more you grow, the more it will be at the expense of the relationship and become uncomfortble for you.

 

I get the sense that your real question is, 'Am I a bad person for wanting to break up with her?'

 

If this is the case then it is healthy that you are reluctant to hurt someone that you care about and it is understandable that you feel an obligation to her, although misplaced.

 

I would be honest with her, if you want to stay with her then tell her that the you have to learn to grow your relationship and I would go to counselling and definitely read RTR together and apply it's principles. I would not use this as an ultimatum or a way to blackmail her into doing it as this would be futile and manipulative, (I am sure you won't.) See if you can work through your problems with her and figure things out and if not, then you will be sure that things won't work.

 

If you want to leave her then honestly tell her the reasons why. Tell her also that you are concerned that she will end up with another bad boyfriend if she does not find out why she has had such bad boyfriends in the past. Advise that she have therapy, find some useful call in shows and introduce her to RTR. In this case, you can only show her the door, she has to walk through it and in my experience, few people do.

 

She has free will and personal responsibility.

 

I get the sense from what little information that we have, that you are both unaware of how connected a real relationship can be, although as with all of this I could be wrong.