BaylorPRSer Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 I listened to the "Atheist Apologizes to Christians" call in show. I saw on the boards some people say they "reached a cornerstone" or made peace with their religious histories and relationships with religious people. I feel envious because I did not feel myself reaching a cornerstone. I feel every bit as angry as ever. In the call, Stef mentioned that he hadn't given Christians enough credit in the past. He mentioned the community aspects, the cooking dinners when other churchgoers were sick, etc. There happen to be a lot of people who identify as Christians who do a lot of laudable things such as selflessly helping others in the community, charity, volunteering time and energy, etc. I get all of that, but can't other organizations say that as well? What if a local Ku Klux Klan chapter was taking care of each other and participating in community service. Should i hold back on my disdain for their racism because they do certain things well? I guess it wasn't possible for me to reach a cornerstone here because I was raised in a network of Christians and observed the positive characteristics mentioned in the call to the point where I don't need reminding of them. I even went on a trip with a Christian organization called Family Legacy to Zambia where they are getting orphans off the streets, taken care of and educated. I even donated for a time and may donate again. I don't like that Family Legacy indoctrinates the children, but I'd rather them safe and indoctrinated than growing up on the streets where they'll be drunks at best and are very likely to get AIDS. I'm aware of the positive stuff. No matter how much i remind myself of it my hatred burns. The guilt, shame, the breaks from reality, the repression around sex, all of it wounded me deeply. My roommate in college had a pastor for a dad. Toward the end of the year he mentioned being unsure if he believed anymore and started to think that "god is chaos and only shows up when you don't need him." His approaching the acceptance that he was lied to must have been awful given how he adored his dad. I've mentioned him on this site before, but he hung himself on my ceiling fan at the end of the year. He had other issues as well of course, but all of them seemed to be in the realms of low self-worth and girls. 2 areas that I and TONS of other Christians struggle with to varying degrees. I've wandered for 6 years what a healthy and reality-based upbringing would have yielded in my roommate and myself. If instead of a religious family what if he had a reality-based upbringing with a healthy and balanced approach to self-worth and intimate relationships? What if he were raised without all of this shame-based bullshit and repressive nonsense? Deep down, I don't know if it is in my best interests to ever trust a Christian again. Anything positive a Christian has done can be attributed to human action, not God, as he or she will insist. Christians don't live in reality. I am glad the man in the call is doing what it takes to take care of his family, but after I wiped away the tears that call produced, I felt my seething hatred of religion come back to the surface as it is wont to do. 3
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