A strange time for drugs...

[EasyNumbers123]

Since I have been listening to Freedomain Radio I have been experiencing a great conflict between my desire for true, connected relationships and the relationships I currently have with my peers, as well as my parents. (maybe there should be a warning label somewhere, I don't know...)

 

This conflict has only recently hit home, that it is 'one or the other' so to speak.

 

So a couple of days ago it was a friends 20th birthday party. And whilst 'speaking' with the peer group that day, I found that all i could focus on was that anything that I truly cared about or wanted to say, could not be spoken to these people. Not because I would necessarily get attacked, but probably minimised. And it saddens me to say that all the people who I know and hang out with, have highly evolved methods of dissociating from uncomfortable topics, or really anything of substance.

 

The theme of the night was MDMA. I told myself that I would not take any but I think that night I was confronted with the 'either-or'. I could choose the illusions of my current relationships, or myself, and I have become very alarmed (after giving my motivations some thought) that I chose the illusions and to take the drug.

 

It has become horrifyingly clear, that I am living a double life within myself. I am living the life of illusions without the pleasure of illusion. I am making some progress in the realm of self-knowledge - having almost completed Nathaniel Brandons' sentence completion program for self-esteem - and am making progress towards my career goals but am stuck with the knowledge that I am failing in my pursuit of relationships composed of honesty.  

 

I am planning to move to London soon to enrol as a sound engineering student at a college in the area. When I do I intend to attend the freedomain radio meetup group there. Not to 'dump' on anyone, but at this point I think I need people who I can have a genuine interaction with. I feel like a siren of wisdom in an echo chamber right now.

 

So I suppose my question is; 'given that I know I am am in dead end, unconnected relationships and that I know that I need to leave them soon, for myself, what now? And what might I expect?'.

      

Any and all questions are welcome and I appreciate your time.

[MMX2010]

Forgive me if my post seems overly harsh or snarky, but I've become quite impatient with men who unjustifiably self-flagellate.

 

(1) You state that you are "stuck with the knowledge that I am failing in my pursuit of relationships composed of honesty."  Since when can relationships, (by definition involving two-or-more people), be distilled into either, "It's all my failing." or "It's all their failing."?  Mathematically, if you are having problems with another dude, and I don't know either of you, I'm smart to assume that the fault is split 50-50.  More interestingly, if you're having problems with another dude, and I know that you have more self-knowledge, then I'd be smart to assume that the fault is split 75-25. 

 

(2) So why do you present this issue as if it's entirely your failing?  I can guess two simple reasons: (1) You don't realize that focusing-on-relationships is a feminine-primary perspective, (which means that it's damaging for you, as a man, to focus like that).  (2) You don't realize that when a man focuses on relationships, it's almost always because he has nothing going for him.  No passion.  No mission.  No iron-clad (to himself) way of self-improving that he can feel working, day by day, week by week, year by year. 

 

(3) For me, it's as simple as, "Focus on my life and my mission, and the relationships that happen will 'magically' be the ones I need.  In other words, the less I worry/wonder about relationships, the more my relationships become stronger and better."  For you, it's probably not that simple (yet), so I can only offer two simple solutions:  (1) Start working out.  I'm not kidding about that.  Having either excess fat on your body and/or very skinny, weak muscularity floods your body with estrogen.  Estrogen is the female hormone, and too much of it causes a man to become overly emotional and all-too-highly focused on "relationships".  (2) Make a list of things that You Know You Should Be Doing, But Aren't.  And whenever you start worrying about "relationships", do something on that list.  This solution is simple to conceive of, but difficult to accomplish.  When you tell yourself, "I don't want to do that because I feel so lonely right now", do the friggin' thing anyway!!  This will help you develop the simple-to-explain, hard-to-find, and crucially important life-skill called "Getting Shit Done, Even When I Don't Want To". 

 

(4) I'm 38 and have become very solid in myself and in my relationships with others.  Consider that I, too, need to lead a double life at times.  Consider, also, that I'd have no problem dropping E with 20-something idiots.  I would do so, if I wanted to, because I think it would be fun.  Simple as that.  Or I would refuse to do so, because I don't want to.  Again, simple as that. 

 

So consider, ultimately, that a night of pill-popping has little, if anything, to do with your degree of self-knowledge.  Sometimes a pill is just a pill. 

[Alice Amell]

I'm sorry that these people don't want to connect with you. It can be hard to find someone who is willing to talk about real things. I hope you do find people in the FDR meetup group. If you need someone to talk to feel free to pm me as well.

 

I disagree with what I think MMX asserted that men have to do X and focusing on relationships is a female only perspective. Why should we limit what we can do based on gender? 

 

So these people you hanged out with, they care not for philosophy and so on? You can't connect with them? So why do you want to conform to them and do drugs with them? I agree that doing drugs is not wrong and it could be "just a pill" but I would try to find out why you want to do it, and if you are okay with the answer, then you could continue if you still find the answer acceptable. As for me, not everyone I interact with wants to connect with me and I keep those relationships at a superficial level. Sometimes I do feel lonely because of that but other times it can also be enjoyable. Not all relationships have to provide everything. You could get something else out of them, even if you can't get meaningful conversations or a deep emotional connection. If I avoided all people who didn't live up to FDR standards I'd be very lonely in the real world.

[MMX2010]

 

I disagree with what I think MMX asserted that men have to do X and focusing on relationships is a female only perspective. Why should we limit what we can do based on gender? 

 

It's not about "we"; it's about EasyNumbers123. 

 

EasyNumbers123 shouldn't necessarily limit what he can do based on his gender, BUT he must realize that the overwhelming majority of people do, indeed, limit themselves because of their gender.  These highly predictable self-limitations produce highly predictable expectations-of-others.  By catering to those expectations, the OP can greatly increase his chances of connecting to other people, which is what he claims to want to do. 

 

Now, if EasyNumbers123 happens to be transgender, (or whichever one of the 80-plus gender newspeak terms Millennials use), then you can counsel him on how to defy gender-expectations.  But if he isn't, then it's beneficial for him to understand what these expectations are, and how to live up to them.