What is Narcissism? (transcript to a video)

[Three]

What is Narcissism?

 

When you think of the word Narcissism what comes to mind?

Perhaps this word is associated with negative character traits, such as selfishness, arrogance or an unrealistic sense of entitlement. Maybe you are thinking of a person who is obsessed with looking physically attractive and vivacious, who goes through great lengths to stuff their facebook photo album with perfectly lighted, albeit cringeworthy, “selfies”.  You could be thinking of fictional film and television show characters, such as the wicked queen from Snow White, whose gross infatuation with her own beauty was so great that it was sufficient enough reason to murder Snow White when the Queen’s Magic Mirror proclaimed that Snow white was in fact, “a thousand times more beautiful” than she, or the cold and arrogant Doctor House who, when relaying important information, seizes the opportunity to belittle his patients and colleagues. Or, perhaps your imagination lies on the more criminal end of the spectrum of human behavior and you associate Narcissism with those who utilize their verbal prowess and charisma to lie their way into political power and money hungry brokers who achieve their wealth through stock fraud.


Doubtlessly, Narcissism is a conceptual label that is cast, by professionals and laymen alike, over a wide scope of traits and characteristics much like how the term “Heavy Metal” is cast over an extensive number of bands, all of whom differ in so many ways and incorporate so many opposing musical elements that there’s much debate over who actually qualifies to receive the title and under what criteria this decision should be made. The result of this confusion has led to the invention of numerous sub-genres of sub-genres to narrow the scope of the definitions, which has frustrated some to the point of suggesting that “Labels Suck” and we should do away with them altogether. Similarly, in addition to the classical psychological definition of Narcissism, which is “extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one's own talents and a craving for admiration”, there has been attempts to narrow the scope of the category “Narcissism” with the invention of subcategories such as “Cerebral Narcissism”, which involves obtaining admiration and envy through intellectual achievements as oppose to “Somatic Narcissism ”, which involves provoking similar feelings in others through their physique and sexual prowess.





Whether or not doing away with labels altogether is the most effective way of ensuring clear communication, I'm not sure. Categories, in any sphere, certainly do have value in so far as they allow for the easy convenience of communicating numerous things about something with one word, rather than repetitively reciting an exhaustingly long list, which can be a strain on both sides of the conversation. On the other hand, the cost of using speedy, broad labels is that, often many more nuanced details get left out of the message which, depending on the importance of such subtleties, the communicator might not be able to afford excluding. And, if knowing even the most intricate of details is paramount to helping someone understand the concept, especially when a misunderstanding could result in grave suffering, then perhaps going through the grinding process of reciting an exhaustingly long list of details is worth the strain. For example, if I tell you that a film that I just saw is Science Fiction, I’ve managed to convey quite a lot of information in a very short amount of time. Then again, as with any word, this can be problematic if the person you’re talking too has a very different understanding of what the word ‘Science Fiction’ means.


However, whether the epitome of science fiction to me involves action and adventure, like “The Empire Strikes Back”, while to you the epitome of Science Fiction involves something more cerebral and realistic, such as “2001: A Space Odyssey”, there are still some basic fundamentals about Science Fiction that we will agree on. Whether the story will include elements of action, romance, mystery, will occur in the distant or near future, is up to speculation unless you want me to elaborate, but if you tell anyone that you just saw a Science Fiction film, there is most likely going to be a consensus that the film will include a futuristic setting, futuristic devices and that these futuristic places and things will serve as a way to explore the consequences of certain ideas and innovations. The same reasoning applies to Heavy Metal music. Whatever Science Fiction or Heavy Metal are, there is enough agreement about what the labels represent in their fundamentals, which allow them to be useful. This is why when I say Science Fiction, nobody thinks of “Gone With The Wind” and when I say Heavy Metal, nobody thinks I’m referring to the kind of relaxing music that is produced by Tibetan Singing Bowls.

 

And it is here that lies the major difference between labels such as Science Fiction and Narcissism, which is that, while with Science Fiction there is a bare minimum consensus on what Science Fiction is in its fundamentals, nearly every definition and subcategory of Narcissism misses the point entirely. Going back to the question posed earlier, when I asked, “When you think of Narcissism what comes to mind?”, did you once think of the words child abuse? I want propose that Narcissism fundamentally is a symptom of early Childhood neglect and abuse. When children are traumatized, the result is that they develop excessive fear, excessive shame and guilts, reality distortions, trust disorders, and difficulty feeling, empathizing, bonding and loving. The result of inheriting  the combination of the two wounds, reality distortion(I’m superior than others) and a difficulty feeling, empathizing, bonding, and loving, often causes the symptom whereby someone is thrilled by themselves at the exclusion of others.  Not recognizing this fact, unlike with disagreements about other categories previously mentioned, has detrimental consequences.


Similarly, if we are approached by a woman with amnesia who has severe burn-like scars on her face and body, whether she has an incurable skin disease or is suffering from wounds inflicted by a murder attempt, changes the situation entirely and determines the kind of treatment she will or will not receive. The magnitude of unnecessary, prolonged suffering that survivors of low-nurturant, dysfunctional, chaotic, abusive households endure, who just so happen to exhibit traits which we can conveniently categorize as Narcissism, as a result of mischaracterizing Narcissism with all its traits a “genetic disorder” rather than symptoms of childhood trauma is beyond comprehension. Regardless, however hard it is to see how far that this grim atrocity will echo misery throughout the generations, what is certain is that the beginning of wisdom is to call things by their proper names and until we do so, until we see Narcissism as a consequence of extreme parental cruelty, we will at best continue to promote expensive and harmful brain destroying drugs as “treatments” and at worst, more parental cruelty. Either way, it’s always the most innocent, most helpless, most dependent, it is children who suffer the most from this lie, which is why it has to stop.

The magnitude of unnecessary, prolonged suffering that survivors of low-nurturant, dysfunctional, chaotic, abusive households endure, who just so happen to exhibit traits which we can conveniently categorize as Narcissism, as a result of mischaracterizing Narcissism with all its traits a “genetic disorder” rather than symptoms of childhood trauma is beyond comprehension. Regardless, however hard it is to see how far that this grim atrocity will echo misery throughout the generations, what is certain is that the beginning of wisdom is to call things by their proper names and until we do so, until we see Narcissism as a consequence of extreme parental cruelty, we will at best continue to promote expensive and harmful brain destroying drugs as “treatments” and at worst, more parental cruelty. Either way, it’s always the most innocent, most helpless, most dependent, it is children who suffer the most from this lie, which is why it has to stop.

http://sfhelp.org/gwc/wounds.htm