MysterionMuffles Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Got any jokes that are so unfunny that they're funny? You know those corny jokes with a question as a set up and a silly answer as the punchline? What is the #1 trusted e-mail site for owls? HOOTmail.com! Yeah, lame, I know, and that's the point. Post your favourite lame and unfunny jokes XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the wandering shaman Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 a man walks in to a bar...ouch 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProfessionalTeabagger Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Two pigs in a bath. One pig says, "Could you pass me the soap?" and the other pig replies, "What do you think I am? A typewriter?". 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pretzelogik Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Two philosophers walk past a bar....hey, it could happen! I was wondering why that baseball kept getting bigger... then it hit me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dylan Lawrence Moore Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I know a bunch of unemployment jokes, but none of them work. Two fish are swimming up a river. One of them hits a concrete wall. He looks at the other one and says, "Damn!" A guy dies and he goes to hell. His spirit drifts down to the fiery caverns below and a demon meets him at the entrance. The demon is well-dressed and has a friendly smile. "Welcome to Hell!" he says to the recently deceased. Noticing the red skin, the horns, and the smell of sulfur and brimstone, the guy puts two and two together and begins to freak out. "Oh my God! I swear she was legal! Please don't make me go in there! I'm begging you!" The demon leans back, his eyes wide in shock. He holds his hands up and says, "Woa, woa, woa, man. Calm down there. I know we in Hell get a really bad rep up on Earth. But it's not so bad here. Honest." Unmoved, the man continues to plead, "I'll do anything! Just don't make me go in there." The demon rolls his eyes and says back, "Look man, I'm telling you it's not so bad down here. We manage to have a really good time. I mean... for example, do you smoke?" The man stops mid-stutter about the technicalities of statutory rape, blinks, and says, "What? Uh... I guess? Yeah. I smoke." "Great!" says the demon, "Monday is Smoke Night! We all hang around smoking cigarettes, cigars, pipes, hookahs, you name it! We make the entire underworld cloudy with tobacco smoke. And you won't have to worry about getting lung or throat cancer or whatever, because you're already dead, right?" The man stays silent for a moment, pondering. He replies, "...right?" The demon continues. "What about alcohol? Do you drink?"Eyebrow reaching for his receding hairline, the man says, "Yeah.""Great!" The demon exclaims, spreading his arms wide, "Tuesday is Booze Night! We drink everything, man! Beer, wine, whiskey, vodka, rum, tequilla, champagne, sake, anything you can think of! We spend the whole day getting absolutely wasted and you don't have to worry about your liver crapping out on you, because you're already dead, right?""Right." The man says, rubbing his chin, "Right!" "What about drugs, man? What's your fix?" The demon asks. "Wellllll..." The man says with the same tone as when he was discussing the legal technicalities of the aging of pussy, "You know, back in college I experimented a little bit with a couple things, but I never--" "Doesn't matter!" The demon boomed back, "Wednesdays are Smack Days! We get FUCKED UP on Wednesdays! We do so many crazy drugs: LSD, mescaline, shrooms, coke, ecstacy, and heroin and any other assortment of opiates, that we need to smoke weed just to chill out! And you don't have to worry about all the nasty side effects and withdrawal symptoms of all those drugs, because you're already dead, right?""Right!" The guy says, standing up straight and his face beaming. "You're right! Hell isn't so bad after all!" "Are you gay?" Suddenly the demon asks. The guy leans back and his eyes go wide again, "What? No! Why?" The demons cringes and says, "Ooohhhh maaaaaan. You're going to hate Thursdays..." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Three Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Why did the narcissist cross the road? He thought it was a boundary!XD 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysterionMuffles Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 Why did the narcissist cross the road? He thought it was a boundary! XD Sorry, Joel. The title in the thread says unfunny jokes...THIS IS GOLDEN! XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mothra Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I know a joke about social security... Never mind, you wouldn't get it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirgall Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's not funny! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A4E Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I think this qualifies as a bad joke. -Jesus is walking on water. Then suddenly he meets an ice fisherman. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devon Gibbons Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 How is it that people with fortunes seem to get lucky, but I have four chins and I can't?!? The rich are successful, but the poor are success full too!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysterionMuffles Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 lol good pun marginalist but I dont understand the 2nd one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devon Gibbons Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 lol good pun marginalist but I dont understand the 2nd one Meant to say: The rich are successful, and the poor are success full. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysterionMuffles Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 I still don't get how the poor are "success full" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devon Gibbons Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I still don't get how the poor are "success full" Welfare. They fair well with welfare. Fairly well. Fair well : A well at a fair. Like the money well of cheap games at the fair. (They call them "fair games"...) Farewell... Money goes down the drain of instant gratification. Sewer grate-ification. The sewers are polluted with green sludge of toxic moneys. The mutants are those on welfare. (referring to futurama episode). Does that help? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LiberT Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Why did the narcissist cross the road? He thought it was a boundary! Wow, i have a question as i seem to not understand the joke. Does this joke mean that it is a very common behavior pattern for a narcissist to cross (violate) the boundaries of other people? And the joke makes sense and is obviously funny to most people because any average person understands this fact? Is that the humor of the joke or am i misunderstanding it? Thank you in advance. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regevdl Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I know...sorry to be annoying but I too would like to understand it. I understood your Fair Well/Welfare reference but your original pun regarded success-full not well fare. Something isn't computing with the original play on words in your 2nd joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Three Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Does this joke mean that it is a very common behavior pattern for a narcissist to cross (violate) the boundaries of other people? Hey, LiberT. Yes, that's correct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devon Gibbons Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 I understood your Fair Well/Welfare reference but your original pun regarded success-full not well fare. Something isn't computing with the original play on words in your 2nd joke. Right. Successful just means having achieved the desired aim or goal you have. But it can mean "rich", or "wealthy". "success full." What I wanted to emphasize with this was my equivocation (to hint towards a misunderstanding) of what it means to be successful, that is: saving, producing, investing RATHER THAN consuming and spending. In the joke, then, a tangible fortune is thus equivalent to something like a "fortune" cookie. And eating enough cookies consistently, through positive reward conditioning via its opiate production, strengthens -if not reifies- the fantasy that consequentialist thinking literally conforms to reality and has stability and security value, and thus it becomes a necessary mode of thinking because deferred gratification becomes nearly impossible due to tiny opiate centers. The same opiates are produced naturally through successful deferred gratification. An action is the associated reward with deferred gratification, while an object is the associated reward with instant gratification. The longer the time stretches out before you and the further you think ahead, while programmed with instant gratification and conditioned consequentialist thinking, the quicker to anxiety you become and fear insecurity and instability. You've replaced the opiate production center through opiate consumption. Thus a fortune cookie, like anything else instantly gratifying, is not really a fortune, but four-chin mutating and debilitating like anything in excess. Consequentialist thinking (satisfying whatever means to achieve the end goal) actually ironically ends up reducing the various real means available at hand to get to your sacred end because you're like an addict grabbing at anything, and a lot of the things you try won't get you that high-of-an-end, crippling you if that's your main mode of thinking. So the play on words in "successful" and "success full", was just a basic equivocation of consumption and production that I thought would parallel the first and tie the meaning together, but the additional line was just confusing. I didn't create a comprehensible transition between them, but if you append this to the pun, I guarantee you'll get laughs.... ...(10 days later)... sorry if this post was too long, I got really into it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirgall Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Does this joke mean that it is a very common behavior pattern for a narcissist to cross (violate) the boundaries of other people? And the joke makes sense and is obviously funny to most people because any average person understands this fact? Yeah, that joke was borderline. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regevdl Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Right. Successful just means having achieved the desired aim or goal you have. But it can mean "rich", or "wealthy". "success full." What I wanted to emphasize with this was my equivocation (to hint towards a misunderstanding) of what it means to be successful, that is: saving, producing, investing RATHER THAN consuming and spending. In the joke, then, a tangible fortune is thus equivalent to something like a "fortune" cookie. And eating enough cookies consistently, through positive reward conditioning via its opiate production, strengthens -if not reifies- the fantasy that consequentialist thinking literally conforms to reality and has stability and security value, and thus it becomes a necessary mode of thinking because deferred gratification becomes nearly impossible due to tiny opiate centers. The same opiates are produced naturally through successful deferred gratification. An action is the associated reward with deferred gratification, while an object is the associated reward with instant gratification. The longer the time stretches out before you and the further you think ahead, while programmed with instant gratification and conditioned consequentialist thinking, the quicker to anxiety you become and fear insecurity and instability. You've replaced the opiate production center through opiate consumption. Thus a fortune cookie, like anything else instantly gratifying, is not really a fortune, but four-chin mutating and debilitating like anything in excess. Consequentialist thinking (satisfying whatever means to achieve the end goal) actually ironically ends up reducing the various real means available at hand to get to your sacred end because you're like an addict grabbing at anything, and a lot of the things you try won't get you that high-of-an-end, crippling you if that's your main mode of thinking. So the play on words in "successful" and "success full", was just a basic equivocation of consumption and production that I thought would parallel the first and tie the meaning together, but the additional line was just confusing. I didn't create a comprehensible transition between them, but if you append this to the pun, I guarantee you'll get laughs.... ...(10 days later)... sorry if this post was too long, I got really into it. cool., thanks for taking the time to explain further. got it now. sorry I was in a fog earlier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AncapFTW Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 A man walks into a brothel. "If I pay $100," he asks, "How much does the girl get?" "Well, this isn't a union brothel, so we split it 50/50." the Madam said. The man didn't like that, so he went to another brothel. "If I pay $100, how much does the girl get?" "Well, this is a union brothel, so we get 10%, they get 90%." said the Madam. "Good," he said, "I'll take the 20 something blonde over there." The madam motioned to the girls and an 80 year old woman came over with her walker. "Actually," said the Madam, "Ethel here has seniority, so..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirgall Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I hate you! Wait no come back. I was expecting to be charged with disorderly conduct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanT Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 My neighbor's notorious for his, the other day I was putting some WD40 on the gate and he asked if he could borrow it, 'Sure' I said to which he tells me he's got quite a big mouse infestation in the shed I was a bit dumbfounded and asked if he was planning on using it to try and kill them ''no'' he replied ''but it'll stop them squeaking''. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AncapFTW Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Found on another website: My wife asks me while I carry my gun at home. "Decepticons" I answered. I laughed. She laughed. The toaster laughed. I shot the toaster. Good times. --- And an oldie science joke: Two atoms walk into a bar. One says "I think I've lost an electron?" "Are you sure?" said the other. The first one replied "I'm positive." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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