Facebook Reflections on Sociopathy, Feminism, Familial Dysfunction and more.

Three · April 4, 2015

It's portfolio building time! Actually, I just really like some of the writing I've published on facebook and didn't want it to be forever buried under posts. This is the first of many compilations I will do. The second might include the entirety of my work on Emotional/ Abuse/Narcissism/Sociopathy.

Disclaimer: These are not rigorous arguments with footnotes, but shared thoughts to an audience who has largely seen the same data or presentations that have inspired the writing. For further reading I will post links of such material.

Extending Personhood to Children

(Inspired by Alice Miller’s “For Your Own Good”)

It is when children are the most inconvenient and most grating on the nerves that they deserve our undivided attention, but not in the form of coercion with the goal of manipulating and dominating the child's will into deadened obedience as if she were some unruly canine.

No, it is during these difficult moments that the child deserves our curiosity the most, for even the most unpleasant of behaviors are simply the child's best attempts to tell us something about her inner world. And because a child is effectively in the position of a hostage, they do not choose their parents, cannot leave their parents, do not choose how to be reared and because a child's behavior is largely the symptom of a brain that has developed as a result of how well the caregivers meet the child's unique needs, which is not under the child's control, then we cannot logically condemn a child as morally bad and assign moral responsibility to a child for her "difficult" behavior.

And if taking other people's needs into consideration is a universal rule that applies to everyone, then given the circumstances I just mentioned, children deserve this consideration the most as children are people too, albeit miniature people who need support. Tragically, because children are not seen in this way, are not seen as equals who deserve freedom from aggression as much as anyone else, they consequently become the receptacles in which the parents, not always consciously, dump their own repressed pain and humiliation, much to the detriment of society.

If only children were accorded the same level of respect and care that we give puppies, or even adult dogs for that matter; that would be a leap for mankind so great as to surpass even the Apollo 11 moon landing in significance and this world would be such a less hostile and difficult place to live in as to be nearly unrecognizable. For whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

Cruelty as Self Mutilation
(Processing my feelings after unjustly being accused of cowardice on Facebook.)

When somebody is cruel to me or my friends, I certainly do feel anger, but that's not all I feel. In addition, I experience a kind of nauseating pity coupled with horror, similar to what I might experience towards the sight of a cutter, a person who self mutilates his or her own flesh. The sheer depth and magnitude of misery and self loathing that is haunting the tortured soul of the self mutilator is, to the outside observer, truly a difficult thing to grasp.

It makes sense in many respects that I would feel this way towards an aggressor too as inflicting harm is, to me, a kind of self mutilation, a mutilation of the conscience, of the 'soul' rather than that of mere flesh. I say mere flesh only because the skin is an organ that can heal over time with little to no conscious effort, while the conscience is much different. The conscience has no such natural regenerative processes. The picture becomes even more grim when we consider the social environment surrounding the aggressor,which applauds such behavior through it's disregarding silence, in effect guaranteeing its repetition.

To be clear, this pity I feel does not override my contempt’s desire to disengage with such a person nor does this pity motivate me to want to change or fix the other person. What it does do is humbly remind me that the false self, even for those who proclaim high standards and a commitment to self knowledge, is like fat that must constantly be burned and worked against. There is no guarantee that, without consistent work, after a person accepts the same conclusions or mouth’ the same values that they will forever be healthy. Anyone can let themselves go.

Reclaiming Masculinity
(From Shame to Acceptance)

Today, a coworker of mine brought his Playstation portable to work. I haven't exactly been keeping up with the exponential growth that the portable gaming console has been undergoing since I owned a Gameboy Advanced in 2001, so I was really interested to get my hands on his new console to compare its new features and graphics to the last one I owned, which now seems beyond archaic by today's standards.

As we got onto the subject of his gaming library, the fact came up that he still had not played his new Japanese beat em up game, which involves incredibly attractive anime women fighting until their clothes rip apart and they are left fighting in nothing except their bras and panties.

It was an all male crew working and without hesitation there was an overwhelming consensus that he should pop the game in, so we could all enjoy the spectacle. He generously agreed, and shortly after there formed an audience of 4 that crowded around to watch the game on this 5 inch LED screen. It was our equivalent to the super bowl.

It was in that moment that I noticed something wonderful, no doubt as a result of consuming men's rights material, which was that I felt no shame or embarrassment, whereas before I likely would have become possessed by a feminist alter, internalized from the incessant nagging voices of my past who feverishly scorned the "objectification of women", and as a result I would have chosen to opt out of viewing such "blatant sexism." Or even worse, perhaps even partake in the shaming by communicating my disapproval through a haughty eye roll or a superior, condescending grin.

Thankfully, however, with the help of material that is being put out there by people such as Kevin Beal, the more I listen to the reason that is coming from the Men's Right's activists, the more the obnoxious shaming inner voice of feminism grows fainter and fainter. I really enjoyed those largely drawn anime breasts.

Humanity’s Darkest Division
(Inspired by Martha Stout’s “The Sociopath Next Door”)

One of the most remarkable and mind bending shifts in perspective that I've experienced during my philosophical efforts to see the world and myself more clearly comes from the unnerving truth that the human species is divided into two categories: predator and prey.

It is even more stunning that this division can be based on objective, vast differences in how the brain is wired between the two. Though, this fascination transforms into a real strain when I attempt to empathize with what it might feel like to have the brain of a sociopath, so that everything is sort of a dispassionate game of chess.

Right now, I'm looking out my window and I see a naked tree. I see it everyday. Its ordinariness further works to dull my senses, so I feel very little if any emotional reaction when the tree's presence catches my attention. Even if I were outside, and if the tree were smaller, I might consider breaking off a branch and using it as a walking stick without remorse, but with maybe some minor satisfaction while using my new tool.

When I imagine how little I feel from this tree and when I keep in mind that sociopathy is the complete inability to process emotional experience, I can't help but think that this is the closest I'll ever come to empathizing with how a sociopath might feel while interacting or exploiting another human being.

Love Counterfeiters

Professing love is one of the many ways in which a manipulator attempts to instill a guilt trip for noncompliance. When a manipulator professes love for you, what they are doing is setting up these words like a blockade around your boundaries in order to cut off the communication of the words "no."

Such attempts at healthy assertion will be re-framed by the aggressor as something synonymous with "breaking her heart". Suddenly, now you are the aggressive one and the aggressor becomes the victim in this topsy turvy narrative that is so typical of projection.

With the stage set up in this way, the aggressor now has a rudimentary justification for any form of retaliation. Besides, if you are so cold, cruel and inconsiderate as to willingly crush a persons heart, you must deserve whats coming. Right?

Familial Decay

There is a special kind of foul stretch that is distinctive to familial decay. It permeates the entirety of a broken home, leaving a chilling atmosphere of threat, suspicion, and doubt.

Like the elephant in the room, it too commands for the insane disregard of its obvious presence. The main difference being that, due to the elephant's superimposing nature, he never fully achieves secrecy.

The odor, however, relies on the sense of smell which, after prolonged exposure, can become subject to olfactory fatigue wherein after time, awareness of the odor fades to the point of being completely imperceptible.

The inevitable consequence of staying within its proximity is the resulting detachment from the most essential tools for discerning reality, our emotions

The effects of familial rot achieves what the elephant, with all its might, cannot- genuine insanity by those who near it.

Magical Thinking

The Narcissist is the ultimate postmodernist.

He fancies himself as flawless, unique, and beautiful, without regard to the facts.

So, rather than working towards achieving high standards of moral excellent, when the Narcissist gazes upon his own reflection, he simply redefines whatever he sees, no matter how petty, cruel, and incompetent he truly is, as the pinnacle of quality.

The image that this brings to my mind is of the special kind of "artist" who, rather than working hard to to learn skills through countless hours of practice to create a wonderful artistic achievement rich with meaning and metaphor, instead opts to create a 3 foot diameter smiley face with bloody used tampons and justifies its existence through the use of terms like "avant garde" and "interpretability".

It's not only an insult to the concept of standards, it's just downright repulsive.

“Pure” Metal Doesn’t Exist
(Inspired after revisiting the bands of my youth)

Ah, the imfamous Limpy B. I remember when I first started to really enjoy music, Nu metal was on top of the charts. Yet, at the same time, it's one of the most mocked and derided genres in recent years besides emo. Especially, from those who are self proclaimed "metal heads" and I've honestly never been able to figure out why.

In my opinion, many of these bands, while not very technical, were composed of quite inventive and competent musicians. System of a Down's vocalist is great, Limp Bizkit's guitar player writes great funky riffs, and Korn's bass player Feildy has an incredibly unique and interesting style as well. i know much less about drums but, David Silvera's licks from from Korn sure do sound cool to me. Sure, the virtuosity isn't there, but the creativity sure is. Even still, metal heads generally don't want anything to do with it. Which is strange because Metal exists because of musicians who were willing to do something inventive. Black Sabbath sure weren't that technical, but their genius was in in how they tweaked and mixed pre-existing genres to create something new. It was about groove, mood and texture, much like nu metal.

Maybe it's not "heavy enough". But, again this to me doesn't make sense because when you compare a song like One Step Closer by what's considered to be the most soft Nu Metal band, Linkin Park, to Iron Maiden, Iron Maiden sounds like classic rock. And Iron Maiden is like worshiped by the Metal community, while Nu Metal is derided. It's as if Iron Maiden had a premonition and saw that rap was going to be mixed in with metal and as a result they wrote "Run To The Hills!", as a reaction to this terror. And to me heaviness is totally subjective anyway. What's heavy for you isn't heavy for me. Much like what's scary to you isn't scary to me. I still consider Korn to be heavy.

Heavy, for me personally, is slow or medium tempo, maybe tuned down, slower, melodic and groovy. The dynamics in Korn's music make the payoff of a breakdown at the end of the song that much greater because it's not constantly in your face the whole time. So, when the break down occurs its worth it, since the song built up to it. Somebody Someone is a perfect example. When so many of my old friends started listening to metalcore/death metal/ hardcore stuff like norma jean or white chapel, it wasn't heavier to me. It was was louder, faster, some of the stuff was more technical, but to me personally, it didn't sound like it had much weight to it. It was so high pitched and screechy.

Maybe, it's the inclusion of rap. To many seasoned metal heads, it's out of place. It doesn't mesh. but to me, because my first exposure to more aggressive music was bands like Linkin Park, the rap/rock/dj mix doesn't sound odd to me. It wasn't a deviation from the norm to me. Back then I didn't have a standard for what normal metal should sound like because i never really listened to music. It simply was what it was. I guess you could say I normalized it.

The last reason I'm going to say I like this, is because it's fun. Much like Banjo Kazooie and Guardians of the Galaxy, it doesn't take itself so freakin seriously, it knows it's silly, kind of like this essay long facebook post about an opinion. It's just for fun.

The Humility of Learning

On my Bookshelf, of course!

Is where I once thought

true wisdom could be found.

Because I would never choose an author

whose logic was unsound

So, I acted on that assumption

and left not a single word unread

Yet, despite my incessant studying
I found out my ignorance instead.

Compassion for a Young Thief
(Seeing petty theft as a symptom of an even greater crime...)

As I was shopping in Kroger today I saw, in of the corner of my eye, a boy probably around the age of 12 pocketing some gum while I was walking down past the ailes.

He must have noticed that i saw him, because when I turned my head around to look at him he was quickly taking out from his shorts his ill gotten gains and putting the candy back in its place. Then he ran off. One of the employees saw this too, who's first reaction was to tell the security guard. So, he began to describe to the guard what the boy looked like and I began to continue my walk down the hallway to get my dinner.

As I was walking, a number of thoughts and questions began to spring to my mind. While I was walking, I imagined what would happen if the security guard were to find this boy. I began to worry that all that would happen is that the security guard would lecture the boy, the boy would be humiliated, and he would then go home to his parents who would further humiliate this kid by giving more boring pompous lectures or by hitting him. This would more than likely ensure that he would continue stealing in the future.

Children are not born evil. They steal because their childhoods have been stolen from them. (The boy was african american and studies show that african american parents and more likely to use corporal punishment than white parents, so I knew that the chances of that happening wasn't too slim. )

As I made my way towards the cash register, I really hoped to run in to the boy. I didn't know what I was going to say, but I hoped to keep him from doing something that would make his life more difficult. I started looking down the ailes.

Eventually, I ran into him. With as much compassion that my face and my monotone voice could express I said to him "Hey, man. I can buy you a pack of gum. I really don't want you to go down that path." He looked frightened and quickly replied 'naw, I'm good.' I have no idea how this kid is going to turn out, but I hope by showing him some compassion, he'll at least know that the world isn't that shitty.

That their are people who care. So, I bought my food and ate it in the parking lot. And with relief I saw this boy and his family walk down the sidewalk, get into their car and drive off, which was to say he didn't end up getting lectures by the "authorities". I have no control over his behavior, but you never know. I wish him well.

Why Feminism Fails
(Inspired after seeing a video on the internet of a mother screaming at her son)

Maybe it's true that "manspreading" and putting women in "damsel in distress roles" in video games are examples brutal male prejudice against women. Maybe there really is this thing called a patriarchy that pressures women to be nothing more than subservient caretakers of men and children as well as discouraging women from partaking in pleasurable activities, such as a career or promiscuity, which men have the benefit of enjoying without societal sanctions.

And if you want to make that case then go for it, but don't pretend that it is the most egregious form of prejudice that is rife in the world today or that it is anything but a symptom of an even greater evil: that greater evil being childism, a greater evil that involves screaming, humiliating, and hitting children, a greater evil that denies the child of personhood, a greater evil that is the source from which all other prejudices are birthed.

And because it is the source, even if all the men in the world closed their legs and refused to "insult women's strength" by ceasing to hold doors for them any longer, if feminists choose to remain silent about child abuse and the degree to which the cycle of violence is perpetuated by women, then all of their protests against male privilege make about as much sense as demanding the "freedom" to vote so that you can vote to segregate black people.

It's worse than a Zero sum game. I do not suggest that we fully condemn Feminism, rather we should help reorganize their priorities by giving women the respect and equality they truly deserve, not by giving up our seats on the subway, but by extending the same level of moral agency that has been accorded to men now for decades; for to exempt a person from moral agency is one of the highest forms of contempt that can possibly be demonstrated. To exempt yourself from moral agency is one of the highest forms of self loathing.

Feminism’s Dire Fate

(Inspired after watching a truly shocking presentation entitled “The Truth About Rape Culture”)

Perhaps one of the most devastating effects that the politicization of any complex social problem has on society is the way in which it fundamentally reverses incentives.

When a complex social problem is politicized by the state, failures pay and success is punished, which inevitably encourages more failure. When a government fails, it is not dismantled, but in fact rewarded with more time, resources and support. No one in government is liable for failure. Instead, the worse things go, the more you get paid and the better things go, the more you lose. Suddenly, destruction becomes as profitable as gold and like gold, is rushed to and mined intensively.

The unfortunate difference being is that destruction can always be manufactured, while gold cannot.

As a result, every social problem that the government has ever sought to solve, whether that be education, poverty, or war, has worsened.

Feminism is no exception to this trend. Since the politicization of feminism, gender inequality has worsened and tragically, the disaster of victimhood, the disaster of being rendered powerless in some way, has been mutated into a means to power.

Certainly, victims deserve time, resources, sympathy and support. But, what victims of even the most egregious crimes, even rape, need more than anything is the empowerment of responsibility. Responsibility allows for the examination of at least the potential of having made a bad choice which could have played a role in enabling the injury.This is essential in order to prevent the prevalence of rape, to accept the fact that there are precautions that can be made to prevent such horrible atrocities from occurring.

Feminism strips away such opportunities for empowerment by portraying rape as an unopposable lightning bolt that descends from the the oppressive stormy skies of patriarchy, rather than as a preventable evil that is statistically inflicted on and perpetrated by women and men alike.

Thoughts on Magic as a Metaphor in Art
(Inspired after watching a trailer of Cinderella’s 2015 remake an Stefan Molyneux’s analysis of of the film Frozen)

Dawkins ends his book "The God Delusion" with an analogy, comparing the eye-slit of a religion-mandated burqa to the worldview of humans who are forced to look through the lens of religion and suggests that removing the metaphorical burqa allows us to see more of the universe.

This is a very apt metaphor as it loses none of its potency when one changes the word "religion" to any other form of irrational propaganda, such as statism or the medical model of mental illness.

When we remove the burqa of propaganda, not only do we see more of our universe, but we see more of ourselves.

When we look at our dreams, we find meaning. When we look at a soldier, we see a murderer. When we look at public buildings, we see guns. When we look at a heroine addict, we see the wounded child (or the damaged brain) within.

When we look at art, our interpretations are no longer bound by the surface narrative as we see into the multi-layered metaphors.

When we look at fantasy in art and see that magic is a metaphor for madness, suddenly, as if we had just simply widened the frame, we see the thought bubble surrounding the images on screen and we see the crushed soul that it leads to..

2015 Mission Statement

If there’s anything I would like to do with my life, it would be to remove the shroud of relativism that surrounds the subject of parenting and to elevate it to at least the same standard of rigor and objectivity that is expected of disciplines such as architecture. That way, parenting may enjoy its level passion and dedication and as a result, produce the same kind of beauty and magnificence that we have grown so accustomed to admiring in the world's most impressive towers. For if we are to create a society in which humans can ascend to the towering heights of fully actualized potential and grandeur that we're so capable of, then a sturdy foundation is needed. That sturdy foundation is peaceful parenting.

Further Study:

Further Study:
“The Truth About Rape Culture”