Alin Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Hey. Here's something a bit silly but it keeps bugging me - and this is the place where I feel safe to share it Throughout high school I've been bullied but it was nothing physical - just random, rude comments, which nonetheless hurt given the fact that I was already crushed by being bullied or beat up at home. Anyway, sometimes I used to run after the bus to not be late for school. One day as I left the building where I live, there was a girl there who attended elementary school with me. We never spoke. And there were also two guys. As I passed she made a comment in a bullying way ridiculing me for sometimes rushing for the bus. I didn't give it much thought. But later was annoyed at it and at the fact that I didn't respond. I remember an analogy that Stefan made: if someone steals your bike today, and you find that person later in time and you know for sure that's your bike, you can take it back right? About 4 years later, which is nowadays, I saw her a few times, rarely, in the bus station. One time I think she rushed for the bus. So I thought: shouldn't I call her out on her hypocrisy? At the time I didn't process this or what Stefan said, I just kinda froze and thought. Saw her again last week and it really triggered me. I know it's silly, maybe even funny, I mean. it's not like she did something really horrible to me, but this thing keeps bugging me. And it's been a long time. I find myself thinking. To the point of getting angry. Should I call her out on it, or leave her alone?
LookupukooL Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 someone made fun of you? for running?i'd suggest keep on running and don't give so much thought to silly comments from silly people
TheRobin Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I don't understand the analogy here. If someone steals your bike and you steal it back, then as a result you get your bike back. So what would you get back when you called her out on it?That reminds me of a short comment I made on fb a few days ago about restitution vs revenge. So since she wouldn't be making restitution you would have revenge, so what do you think you'd get out of that?
Omegahero09 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 Perhaps this would be an opportunity to tell her how you felt? That you remember what she said and how it made you feel?
AccuTron Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 I think you'll get your best growth by consciously choosing to decline the petty option. Ignore it. It's practice, to learn how to ignore future things, may be valuable some day. Samurai Social Skills. And years from now, you may find out something about her, or other people, that will put it in a different perspective, and you'll be glad you didn't do something icky.
Tservitive Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 This sounds like a paying someone back in their own coin kind of situation. It appears to be a morally fine issue. My only question would be: is it worth it? I agree with AccuTron on this, but its up to you. 1
Alin Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 Thank you so much for replies. Now that someone listened to this it doesn't seem so bad. If I ever come across her again, I chose not to do it for the following reasons: - I remembered insecure me doing this to others in the hope of getting approval from everyone else who was present there. We would then laugh. So I can't really be that mad knowing I did this myself and also knowing the causes behind it. She was probably just trying to get approval from those 2 guys. -And another not-so-philosophical reason: Most guys would rate her as attractive, blonde hair, etc, but I have a different taste. So even if I did it, I wouldn't be motivated to continue talking. I have to be honest. So yeah there isn't much to get out of it haha - I realized the rage is there to prevent or to create a response to situations like these should they arise in the future. It's there to protect me, not necessarily to attack. Thank you all for your replies, especially loved the "paying someone back in their own coin kind of situation." Ironically, knowing it would actually not be immoral or wrong if I wanted to, makes me not really care so much about doing anything about it. Guess it's one of those things: we wanna do what we're not allowed to do or have what we cannot. But I am allowed to, so I'll let her be and just use what I learned for the future. 1
Kevin Beal Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 I used to get targeted by similar comments. I think it's stopped partly because I'm older and that just happens less to people out of school, but also, I remember realizing that I was a common denominator in all of those interactions and I heard somewhere that there are unconscious cues that people pick up on to know whether or not someone is safe to humiliate. I used to walk by people who looked like ruffians and think to myself "please don't harass me, I'm begging you". What I started doing was paying close attention to how I felt, how I walked and my facial expressions. I noticed that when I started thinking in my head "I dare you to say something!" people never did. Because bullies are totally pathetic and only want to pick on easy prey. If they see that someone has a lot of confidence, they are taking a big gamble that this person isn't going to crush them in the same way they were trying to do the crushing. Like if they blurt out "nice shirt, stupid!" and the confident person just starts laughing at them, they are going to become totally deflated. Bullies reveal their own insecurities in what they choose to insult others for. It's psychological projection as a defense mechanism, the least sophisticated emotional defense after denial. In fact, it's a form of denial except that you deny those aspects of yourself by pretending that they belong only to the other person. 2
Leevan Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 I wouldn't give much consideration to a bully's comments or actions. Why do you care what she thinks or says?
shirgall Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 I wouldn't give much consideration to a bully's comments or actions. Why do you care what she thinks or says? When I was growing up, I cared only about a bully's ability to carry out threats, and the immediate reaction of the group around us. Whether or not I could deal with the bully, my actions were being judged by a large peer group. I cared about what that group thought of me, not the mouth-breathers than antagonized me.
Leevan Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 When I was growing up, I cared only about a bully's ability to carry out threats, and the immediate reaction of the group around us. Whether or not I could deal with the bully, my actions were being judged by a large peer group. I cared about what that group thought of me, not the mouth-breathers than antagonized me. Why care what a/the group thinks of you?
shirgall Posted April 6, 2015 Posted April 6, 2015 Why care what a/the group thinks of you? Because being lonely sucks. 1
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