Fear of rejection / loneliness

[bitcoin]

Is there a difference between fear of rejection and fear of loneliness? 

[adamNJ]

I have been paying for therapy for over a year, and seen my current therapist, weekly, since November.

 

Congratulations on going to therapy, bro.

[MMX2010]

 

My question originally is what even is "fear of rejection"?

 

 

In my opinion, "fear of rejection" comprises the entire core of your being at present. 

 

Why do you assume that no one would ever want to connect with you?  (Because "fear of rejection" - specifically, "It's easier to make that assumption, because the assumption avails me of having to work hard to connect with people.  When I don't work hard to connect with people, all I do is sit back, do nothing, and become shocked - shocked I say - when someone wants to connect with me.") 

 

Why do you assume that it's other peoples' job to connect with you, rather than assuming it's your job to connect with others?  (Because "fear of rejection" - as described above.) 

 

Why does the loss of one girl's conversation - (whom you've only spoken to for five minutes, and therefore don't know whether she's crazy, hyper-depressed, or just plain not-suitable for you) - cause so much emotional distress that you can't even do your job after it happens?  (Because "fear of rejection" - when you do absolutely nothing to try and connect with others, the only connections you can acquire are by sheer luck and randomness.  Since these connections are hyper-rare, the loss of any one of these becomes highly traumatic.) 

 

Why do you dress in a self-described unattractive manner?  (Because "fear of rejection" - if you were to acquire money, six-pack abs, philosophical soundness, moral uprightness, and Pick-Up Artist skills, you'd ruin every single emotional connection with every attractive female by asking yourself, "Does she really like me for me, or does she only like me for the philosophy, money, abs, moral uprightness and/or Pick-Up Artist skills?"  Because that question causes intense emotional pain, (and because you may not be willing to consider that the question itself is unintelligent and self-sabotaging), it's easier to dress unattractively and refuse to connect with others.) 

 

The good news is that you're 17, and so you can fix it very easily.  But the bad news is that most people on here disagree with the most effective solution.  They prefer therapy - rather than developing consistent sleep habits, fixing your diet, lifting weights (or doing bodyweight exercises), dressing nicer, and learning how to flirt with women so that you can approach about two hundred of them in a year - expecting to be rejected by approximately 195 of them.

 

 

 

Lastly, I clicked on your profile and saw you're from Toronto.  I'm part of the Roosh V Forum, and its members consistently rank Toronto as filled with the most unattractive, entitled, and not-worth-dating women in the Western Hemisphere.  My maximum condolences to you for living there. 

[Freedom4TheVirtuous]

Is there a difference between fear of rejection and fear of loneliness?

Hi Jake, for me my fear of rejection vanished quite recently - I don't know why - but here are several things I accepted that may have to do with it:

 

I can die any moment.

 

It's not about me - it's about the future of the world.

 

All goals can be changed.

 

Everything I say and do has to do with my I.Q. + prior experiences + many things I can't control.

 

Pain is the most useful muscle in the known Universe.

 

All these things have nothing to do with rejection but everything to do with increasing Responsibility, anxiety and your reasons for action.

 

Also, let's not forget - what is your drive for social interaction?

 

Mine is:

 

Spread the ideas that lead to actionable change within one's life

 

Sell the ideas of this community to the World.

 

I also counter little thinking with big ideas.

 

For example - when I stress myself out over something small - I focus on something like "How would I convince Barack Obama to be an Anarchist?"

 

Etc.

 

Depends on the situation.

 

 

Who do you fear being rejected by the most?

 

For me it was hot women.

 

Now I realize it's for simple reasons like 'style', 'wealth', 'status', etc. And don't take it personally because I know it's about things I don't have - not about something to do with my core.

 

Anyways, I'm broad brushing here.

 

Any of this helpful?

Sorry for double post - but also accept that you may have absolutely no utility to offer the other person - or that the other person hates everything about you.

 

That they may escalate into the most rampid hostilities.

 

That's where being rejected is positive.

 

Wouldn't you like to be rejected by people who believe you should be raped/shot/caged for putting a substance in your own body that you want to put into it?

 

I'm completely opposed to drug use btw - just giving a theoretical example of what most people would do.

 

If you're into Philosophy then you reject irrationality which means you reject almost everyone to some degree. Most people will manage that by rejecting you first - to themselves.

 

Sorry if it sounds worse - but this - again - has done me enormous good - but I don't know if those were the key reasons I've accepted rejection - or if it has to do with constantly being rejected by people in reasonable ways within the last six weeks.

 

Might be both.

 

Go and find people and ways to be rejected by people who are healthy and respectable and that you can still admire perhaps?

 

I'm guessing you didn't have that growing up, Jake?

 

Again, more ideas here - not trying to overwhelm you - but this is an elephant that grasped me by the legs with it's trunk of paralyzation for a while - so again, what I say applies to what has helped me and I'm hoping something will strike a chord because of what little I Know of you, Jake - which is more than fine.

 

Here are some practical ways you can experience rejection while pretty much having certainty that nothing bad will happen:

 

Go to a graduate School (assuming you don't have a required entry level degree)

 

And ask if you can attend their College without having to have a Bachelor's.

 

Call up different places - like bars or strangers - and ask questions they are likely to answer in the negative.

 

Hold a sign in a busy intersection that says "I'm afraid of rejection"

 

Tell your therapist something he/she may hate/be repulsed by - and see what happens - specifically something about you and accept responsibility for it.

 

Ask people questions and expect them to not answer/give you what you want.

 

Go do Karaoke and rip out your lungs and heart to a song like "I'm a Barbie girl" or "find me somebody to love"

 

I'm picking things which are bound to cause failure and negative judgements by primitive people - but intelligent and valuable people will admire you for!

 

If you accept the haters you will also accept the lovers.

 

There is not one without the other.

 

You already on the right path, Jake, in my opinion.

 

However, the worst thing that can happen in this community is to be blocked/ignored/Philosophically disproven - all minor stuff in terms of challenging your level of courage, I believe.

 

Again, I don't know you and I'm not telling you what to do - these are just suggestions and ideas.

 

I've spent like the last six months or so thinking about the most positive way to be an Atheist at a Church in my community nonabashedly and nonashamingly.

 

I think I'm just about ready to join.

 

And you know what?

 

I'm terrified but love every moment of it.

 

Love yourself for being rejected.

 

I see you're 17, too Jake.

 

Okay, and sorry for so many posts - just please let me know if I'm bothering you and I will stop immediately.

 

Being a laser beam is also a way to avoid rejection completely.

 

What I mean is don't look for approval in people - in anyone at all. Know what you're going to do - make sure you're not violating any social/lawful norms in your area and just do it while being mildly aware of your surroundings.

 

Another tool perhaps for that awesome belt of yours?

 

Also - rejection and laconic socialization is very painful.

 

I lived it for a very long time - it got to the point where even talking about the wheather was like ecstasy to me - and that's saying a lot for me!

 

So just find ways to be accepted and then slowly volunteer for rejection to test people around you for virtue. Then you can perhaps be honest with them and lower the manipulation.

 

For example,

 

If it's sunny out - ask "is it really gonna rain this bad all day?" To see how people around respond to you when you're wrong.

 

Then your heart will naturally adjust to those around you.

 

If you want to rise above that you will have to work extremely hard and consistently and the pros should outweigh the cons.

 

For example, if you want to open your heart up to the World - be ready to fight off domination, corruption, Evil, adversaries - expect it and have a plan or you will not last.

 

 

This is what I did and I learned so much but I would have rather just read this post instead of gone through the crisis.

 

Hope I'm making sense and I'm not too off topic.