Witnessing child abuse conduct

[AudreyM]

Im wondering if anyone has any ideas or advice on what to do when you see someone hitting a child (or verbal abuse) in public? Or are there already threads like this? I just saw a woman hitting her child twice actually and I didnt do anything when I saw it which Im regretting even though I still dont know what would have been good to do. Scooping up the child and bringing her home with me would be bad, right? I did a fair amount of sobbing and shrieking when I was driving home just thinking about the little girl and being enraged at the mother. Now I just feel sickened at the apathy and cruelty of some humans and am wondering if anyone has any advice for me. Thanks  

[stMarkus]

You're not alone in feeling sickened by this kind of conduct. I once saw a mother abuse her children on public transport. As I sat facing her I stared angrily at her face the whole ride and she got the message and didn't dare touch her kids again during the ride. There was a great amount of fear and shame in her face that got exposed as I stared at her. Those same feelings no doubt she's drying to externalize when abusing her kids.

 

As for advice on what to do in these situations, I haven't had experience really in this but I'd think talking would be the best solution. Either to the parent or to the child. Telling the parent how bad physical and mental abuse is to children and treating the children like normal people so they'd experience some behavior other than what they receive from their parents; telling them the abuse they receive is not normal etc.

 

It's a tricky situation though. If you go to far, the children might receive double the abuse after they're back alone with their parents so self-restraint should be exercised at all times.

[MMX2010]

If you're not 100% confident in your ability to handle these situations, you shouldn't bother.  It takes an amazing amount of philosophical strength, emotional control, body language control, voice-tone control, and social awareness to effectively handle these situations. 

 

If you're short in any of these, then your number one goal (if you choose to become strong enough to handle these situations) is to strengthen those deficient areas.  Since self-attacking doesn't form strength in those areas, self-attacking is pointless - (and is a sure sign that you're not currently strong enough to intervene). 

[Kevin Beal]

It's been over a year since I've seen a child get hit, and I didn't do anything either. I felt terrible about it for a long time.

 

I've been thinking about what would be something I'd feel comfortable saying and wouldn't enrage the parent, and I came up with a phrase that I'm going to try the next time I see something. Starting with a "hey, hey, hey" that is a combination of gentleness and urgency, and when they turn and make eye contact, I follow that up with "there has to be a better way". When they respond with "don't tell me how to raise my children", I would say "nobody is above criticism". Then I might do something like turn to the child and just offer a simple "I'm sorry".

 

If they tell me that I can't speak because I don't have children, I would let them know that if I saw a man beating his wife, I would say something also. I don't need to be married to intervene in spousal aggression.

 

If they start going into self pity mode, I would say that "I understand that it's difficult, I really do, and while I'm not a parent, I do have some decent experience, and the thing I noticed was that, although you can't always treat a child like an equal, the more you make an effort to do that, the less defiant they become".

 

If they seem receptive, I'll recommend nospank.net or the Bomb in the Brain.

 

I haven't used it out in the field yet, though. So, take it with a grain of salt.