kavih Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 How many bad parenting points can you spot? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVDNNoEk4PI
J. D. Stembal Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 I saw this one a while back, and it strikes a chord with me because I really wanted a younger brother as a side kick. I'm going to take a stab at pointing out all the bad parenting in this video. 1. The two boys did nothing wrong. They were being creative, and are being punished for it. Mom and dad could have set up arts and crafts activities outside if they don't want paint in the house. 2. Dad is shaming them for no reason on the internet. I'm sure his intention for shooting the video was to show all his friends how cool of a dad he is, talking about timeouts. 3. He asks the boys if they need to be punished, and they tell him no. Then he punishes them anyway. Taking away the juice is one of the dirty tricks parents use to build a silent wall of mistrust between them and their kids. You learn to never tell your parents how you are feeling or what you enjoy for fear of them taking it away as a punishment. This has obvious consequences when the children are pubescent. 4. Dad cracks up half way through the video, but has to negate his true emotions in order to make the punishment stick. Obviously, he wouldn't be laughing if the children had actually done something wrong. 5. There is an unattended baby crying in the background while dad films the memento. 6. It's really sad to see how subdued these two boys are. They are very intimidated by their father. He strikes me as a reluctant disciplinarian where his female partner has relegated all the distasteful punishment business to him entirely. 8
kavih Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 You pointed out all the ones I noticed too. The opening line, with his raised, accusing voice, "Who's idea was this?!" makes me cringe, because that same very line that was used by my mother many times as I was a kid, usually following with some kind of physical or verbal punishment. The dad causes them to not even want to have verbal communication with their own father for the first 35 seconds! And looking at all of the comments on youtube and with that much of an approval rating, it's so sad to see how many people are oblivious to what's really going on with the father-child relationship. 1
drkmdn Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 A sadistic bully. Stef credits this kind of "parenting" with society's propensity to shirk responsibility or accountability for anything at all costs. Early childhood conditioning.
kahvi Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 My aunt posted this video on my Facebook wall, I guess thinking I would get a kick out of it. I think she assumed that since I'm against spanking, and have made numerous posts about it, that I would approve of this father's parenting because he wasn't using spanking as a punishment. I quickly corrected her on that. I can't remember the exact comments I made, but one was that he was punishing them for his own mistake - not keeping the paints out of their reach. They're toddlers. Of course they're going to experiment with anything they can get their hands on. I also mentioned the fact that he was confusing them by at first sternly scolding them and then turning around and laughing. I suggested that a better route would have been to make a game out of cleaning the mess up, in order to rally their cooperation (but don't force the issue. They're still a bit young), and to from then on, keep the paints locked up. 2
Matt D Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 You pointed out all the ones I noticed too. The opening line, with his raised, accusing voice, "Who's idea was this?!" makes me cringe, because that same very line that was used by my mother many times as I was a kid, usually following with some kind of physical or verbal punishment. The dad causes them to not even want to have verbal communication with their own father for the first 35 seconds! And looking at all of the comments on youtube and with that much of an approval rating, it's so sad to see how many people are oblivious to what's really going on with the father-child relationship. Do you think the tactic of "Who's idea was this?" is meant to pit the two brothers against each other? I can't think of an answer that would result in a way out of punishment. You know they were thinking hard because of the long pauses... If they tell the truth they get punished; if they lie they're punished for not being honest. So instead they tried to be cute and innocent, maybe something that had worked when they were younger. Afterward the dad practically has a break down. I thought he was going to lose his wits when I heard the sudden laughter. They never learned why what they did was wrong, simply that daddy doesn't like it. Poor kids. 1
kavih Posted April 18, 2015 Author Posted April 18, 2015 Do you think the tactic of "Who's idea was this?" is meant to pit the two brothers against each other? I can't think of an answer that would result in a way out of punishment. You know they were thinking hard because of the long pauses... If they tell the truth they get punished; if they lie they're punished for not being honest. So instead they tried to be cute and innocent, maybe something that had worked when they were younger. Afterward the dad practically has a break down. I thought he was going to lose his wits when I heard the sudden laughter. They never learned why what they did was wrong, simply that daddy doesn't like it. Poor kids. I'm not sure the Dad was trying to pit them against each other intentionally, but I completely agree that what you explained seems to have definitely been going on. It's similar to cops (the government) interrogating suspects harsh enough until one of them tells the truth or "narks" on the other. Ultimately, I think the Dad just wanted someone to blame, so that his inner-child (trying to come out through his laughter) continues to be suppressed.
Matt D Posted April 18, 2015 Posted April 18, 2015 I'm not sure the Dad was trying to pit them against each other intentionally, but I completely agree that what you explained seems to have definitely been going on. It's similar to cops (the government) interrogating suspects harsh enough until one of them tells the truth or "narks" on the other. Ultimately, I think the Dad just wanted someone to blame, so that his inner-child (trying to come out through his laughter) continues to be suppressed. Right but even when big brother throws little brother under the bus, the dad says "Why didn't you stop him - aren't you the older brother?" Yeah, I got the sense he was punishing his inner child vis-a-vis his children. 1
Matthew Ed Moran Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 Sorry if this isn't completely on topic, but I witnessed something I thought was really cruel by a neighbor yesterday. A mom, dad, brother and sister were outside playing baseball. They live a few houses down from me. The brother was playing catcher, he was probably around 5 years old. Once they threw the ball at him and he missed the catch, and so the ball was rolling near the drain. I can't remember who initiated (I think it was the mom), but when he did this, they all took turns shaming him. The mother started raising her voice at him, then the sister said he was a bad catcher, and then the dad tacked it off with something like a disappointed "c'mon, Brian." The brother didn't even say anything, I get the feeling he was far too young and vulnerable to be able to say anything back to them, and this is probably something he is used to. It was tragic to witness how normal this seemed to him. My question is why would his parents do this? It was a Saturday and they were all playing baseball on the front yard; it seemed like a setting that should be care-free and enjoyable. Why would they all take turns criticizing a young boy for being unable to catch a ball? This seems sadistic and evil to me. If this is too off-topic, I can move the post - I just thought I'd bring it up since you guys were trying to understand the father in the video's motivations for how he was treating his child. Thanks for reading. Also, is there anything I can do about this?
Merrifield Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Over the weekend, I took my daughter out to give her a second driving lesson. When it was her turn to drive I turned the Jeep around in a sort of cauldesack and stopped along the road. She got behind the wheel and we reviewed the basics of driving a stick shift. When she was ready, she started the Jeep, put it in first gear, released the clutch, and drove about 3 feet before she struck a large concrete planter box along the edge of the road. To make a long story short, I didn't show any signs of diappointment or upset. I got out of the Jeep, went around to assess the situation, had my daughter climb through the passenger side and I took got in behind the wheel. I moved the Jeep off the planter box, got out, and gave her back the wheel. No punishment, No discouragement, No blame, No guilt, Not even a mention about the damage to the Jeep or the planter box. What I did say to her "It's not youre fault, I left the wheel turned hard to the left and you didn't have time to react." I reinforced this when I took responsibility in my daughter's presence and told the owner of the planter box the same thing. 1
AncapFTW Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 Reminds me of my dad. With my younger siblings he would say "do you think you should be punished?" and if they say no, he'd make them explain why they shouldn't be. Of course, it's not as bad as when he spanks you until you agree with him, even when what he thinks happened didn't happen. At one point I literally looked at him and asked me if he wanted me to lie. He responded with "No, that's why you're in trouble." The same thing's happened with other siblings. How do you deal with someone who won't accept that they can be wrong?
Freedom4TheVirtuous Posted April 25, 2015 Posted April 25, 2015 I'm not here to point out how many different ways a Dictator is unhealthy to the people he whips. This *Dad* as he's called by most losers is a Saranic, barbaric, power-hungry, dictatorial wingbat. Now.... How do I communicate that message to Single Moms in my area while maintaining a level of respect to myself and others while also maintaining my own authority - that is, not being socially attacked by everyone and ostracized to the point that everything I say is already discredited because slander.
kavih Posted April 28, 2015 Author Posted April 28, 2015 This video is going viral, and unfortunately so many people are approving of the mother. So sad.
kahvi Posted April 28, 2015 Posted April 28, 2015 This video is going viral, and unfortunately so many people are approving of the mother. So sad. I logged in just to see if anyone had mentioned this video. Where everyone on Facebook is congratulating her and calling her mother-of-the-year, my comment was, "I wonder where he learned how to be violent. Hmmm, let me think...." I see no mother-of-the-year material about her. I highly doubt it's the first time she's beat him. It makes me absolutely sick. 1
neeeel Posted April 29, 2015 Posted April 29, 2015 I logged in just to see if anyone had mentioned this video. Where everyone on Facebook is congratulating her and calling her mother-of-the-year, my comment was, "I wonder where he learned how to be violent. Hmmm, let me think...." I see no mother-of-the-year material about her. I highly doubt it's the first time she's beat him. It makes me absolutely sick. ye, its insane. If we assume that she has ( regularly or otherwise) beaten him before this, the beatings obviously didnt stop him from joining the riots.
kavih Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 I logged in just to see if anyone had mentioned this video. Where everyone on Facebook is congratulating her and calling her mother-of-the-year, my comment was, "I wonder where he learned how to be violent. Hmmm, let me think...." I see no mother-of-the-year material about her. I highly doubt it's the first time she's beat him. It makes me absolutely sick. I probably saw your post kahvi, because I've been reading a lot about people's reactions and I've been trying to upvote or like those that are disapproving of this Mom's actions. I think I remember seeing your comment somewhere. I really am disgusted as well. I want to move off this sick planet.
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