Bad Therapists

[bitcoin]

Don't settle for a bad therapist. I have been discussing with FDRers about therapy, and particularly with some, about the many "FDR therapist" -- who as far as I am concerned clearly incompetent.

 

To start, I in no way intend to say they are all bad, but I am certain that there are some who are -- with whom I and others have worked with.

 

In any case I just wanted to point a couple brief points. We all know working with a bad therapist is not only costly in terms of time and money --- but it is destructive to the mental health. When recognizing you have worked with a poor therapist you are forced to experience the pain of further betrayal from someone who's job it was to parent (or reparent) you.

 

As far as I understand and have experienced, the therapist's job is to recognize and point out your patterns, offer tangible advice, provide insight on events and what may be going on, offer a safe, empathetic space and conversation, provide you with tools to further improve your well-being, and certainly be present in every moment.

 

There are many problems with "therapists" who have not done enough of their own work --- mainly, they won't be able to help you with what they have not worked on themselves. This is inevitable. Once you bring up a topic in which the therapist has not worked through there are a couple possible outcomes. Either the therapist will not recognize what is going on, the therapist will have emotions come up which they will be forced to deal with -- which will inhibit their ability to focus and help you, the therapist will dissociate, or in covering up brought-up emotions, they will refuse to comment and help you with yours.

 

These are just some of my thoughts which I wanted to write down.

 

Am I at all on point? Way off?

 

Please let me know!

 

Be a skeptic; especially if part of you already is.

 

**I say "you" as the person receiving therapy

[Frederik]

I think you are exactly right in describing that a therapist can only help to the degree he himself is helped.

 

To protect yourself from the damage that can be done in dealing with a problem that the therapist himself has not dealt with I would pay attention to which extend he is capable of admitting fault, failure, lack of knowledge. A therapist who is perfectly able to say to you "Unfortunately I feel I cannot help you in this regard since I struggle with that issue, also. I'm sorry for that." is, in my eyes, of great value in any case.

 

I also think it's quite obvious that there are better or worse therapists, always. Reading your posts I get the impression you denounce "FDR therapists" in general. What exactly do you base that assertion on?

 

 

Clearly off-topic, but I just realized: therapist ... the...rapist. Scary.

[Drew.]

Great post. People who offer therapy who haven't done enough work themselves do their clients a real disservice. I like to think that I have done enough work on myself to offer value to others with minimal interference from my own unprocessed trauma. But, I would strongly recommend to anyone looking for a therapist to ask a ton of questions to a therapist before you start to get really vulnerable with them. It is something that I always offer my clients before they make any kind of commitment, financial or otherwise, and to not allow such questions is highly suspicious in my eyes. Ask them, how long have they been doing their own work. What is the most difficult things that they've had to process and experience. What kind of problems have they work on (self-attack, depression, eating disorders, addiction, etc.)? Really grill them. When you hire a therapist, you place your life in the hands of another individual. Give it to someone who values it as much as you do.

 

I would add that quality therapists--when encountering areas that they have yet to process enough--would be able to recognize and realize what is going on inside of them, set it aside (this is not the same as dissociating), and return to their true self in order to focus on the client. That said, they will not have as great of insight as someone who has processed the area, but they can still provide value to their clients. In addition, I would it's not the role of the therapist to (re)parent a client, instead a therapists seek to help their clients reparent themselves. To enter into a therapeutic relationship is to displace the balance of power, and having the therapist enter a parenting role is to further displace it, opening up more room for corruption, trauma, and therapists using their clients to suit their own needs. A bad therapist is a great harm, as it may turn people off from good therapists, which can help and heal.