Is the movement towards global peaceful parenting the toughest battle to win?

[kavih]

Humans are a social species. The better the relationships we have with others, the better our chances are for survival. This is why pervasive ostracism is so threatening, because it burns so many bridges that one ends up with drastically less people to depend on and feeling that alone can cause depression, etc.

 

So now, with that said, when we tell people about spanking and it's negative effects, we are directly threatening their social networks (especially with their family). In other words, we are explaining an idea to them that could cause them to become pervasively ostracized with people closest to them (their strongest social relationships). And if they end up agreeing with us and also spreading the message of peaceful parenting, they are further challenging their social networks.

 

I believe this is why peaceful parenting is the hardest message to spread, as opposed to other ideas like ending wars, challenging religions, challenging monetary policy, etc. There is a threat of minor ostracism for trying to spread these latter ideas, but bringing them up doesn't immediately challenge someone's relationship between themselves and their mother and father (arguably the closest relationship people have with their family).

 

What do you think?

[Lens]

I think it is the toughest battle to win because the majority say like this: "I was spanked and I turned out well" or something like: "I was spanked but it didn't hurt me, other than that my childhood was happy" or "my dad beat me and I turned out a rich and independent man" etc etc I can tell you it's massive. What preoccupies me it's all these newborn children are put in daycare as young as 6 months old it is a horrible prospect for the future and brutal lack of bonding which inevitably produce very angry and apathetic adults.

[Matt D]

What do you think?

 

I think the toughest battle to win is spreading self-knowledge. How do you convince people who by most standards are "normal" that they can choose a different path in their life if they put the work into therapy. It's difficult because there is a lot of mythology about psychotherapy. 

 

'Spanking', or hitting children, is detrimental no question. But studies have shown that verbal abuse and neglect can be even more detrimental than physical abuse. I have confronted parents who I saw spanking their child in public, however I don't quite know what to say when I see a child being ignore by his parents or who is throwing a tantrum. A potential parent can say "I want to parent peacefully", but if that person was not parented peacefully achieving that end requires looking deep into themselves. For a majority of people that's somewhere they really don't want to go precisely because it will challenge their relationships. 

[kavih]

I think the toughest battle to win is spreading self-knowledge. How do you convince people who by most standards are "normal" that they can choose a different path in their life if they put the work into therapy. It's difficult because there is a lot of mythology about psychotherapy. 

 

'Spanking', or hitting children, is detrimental no question. But studies have shown that verbal abuse and neglect can be even more detrimental than physical abuse. I have confronted parents who I saw spanking their child in public, however I don't quite know what to say when I see a child being ignore by his parents or who is throwing a tantrum. A potential parent can say "I want to parent peacefully", but if that person was not parented peacefully achieving that end requires looking deep into themselves. For a majority of people that's somewhere they really don't want to go precisely because it will challenge their relationships. 

So, are you saying people talk the talk (re: peaceful parenting) too easily, but can't necessarily walk the walk without self-knowledge? Or are you referring to only a certain percentage of these people?

 

For myself, I'm close to starting therapy with an IFS therapist in my area, but considering how repulsive it is to see myself parenting like my mother did with me (physical and verbal abuse), I have a deep passion to parent exactly the opposite as her. It is so rooted in me at this point, I'm even becoming critical of my brother's parenting style, even though he majored in developmental psych and has always been a role-model of mine with regard to how to raise a child (he and his wife are peaceful parents). I've come this far and become this passionate about it without any therapy yet. Though, I have reached out to the community here, in private, and some of the members have helped answer questions for me. That's not a professional approach to self-knowledge, but maybe that sets me apart from the people you are referring to.