Disgust When Seeing Beautiful Stars

[NotDarkYet]

I'd like to explore a feeling/reaction that I find surprising.

 

Recently, when I see a film with a super cute lead actress, I feel a touch of disgust/anger toward her, both as a character, and toward (what I imagine is) that actress in real life.

 

For example, I just watched Side Effects with the the lead actress Roony Mara.  

 

During nearly every scene that featured Roony, I felt waves of irritation.   The more pouty and hot she looked, the angrier I got.

 

Why?  

 

Does anybody else have this?

 

...

 

When I try to unpack it, I imagine this:    My life vs A phenomenally beautiful woman's life:  

 

My childhood:  Fighting for attention that never came.  My feelings/thoughts didn't matter.

Her childhood;  A pretty and precious little girl.  Her comfort and feelings mattered.

 

My middle school:   Picked on.  Unloved.  Needing to retreat into my hobbies.

Her middle school:  The object of tons of attention from everybody.  Popular. 

 

My high school:    Totally unwanted by the opposite sex.  Awkward, ugly, acne, bad skin.  The nadir of my worth.

Her high school:     Loved, and desired by everybody of the opposite sex.  Bright future in modelling or acting.

 

etc...

 

Is it wrong for me to feel disgust?

 

(sarcasm alert)

 

Probably yes because I'm a white male and therefore incapable of suffering...especially incapable of suffering relative to a precious pretty female.

 

 

 

As a side note: I'm similarly angered by the sound of music that seems to be made by beautiful people, for beautiful people.  For example, every time I hear Lorde's voice, I want to puke.  She seems so obviously trying to "sound cute".  Do you know what i mean?

[Eh Steve]

I can't really tell you what you should feel.

 

Buuut here is my take on the matter.

 

You might want to give Stef's recent video on make up a listen to to clear this up a bit.  To me the feeling of disgust you are experiencing (and I get a similar feeling at times) is from being manipulated and lied to.  I would feel a similar kind of revulsion from a christian family talking about how much they love eachother.  I would argue it isn't necessarily her physical attractiveness which disgusted you, but the manipulative nature by which it was wielded.  For example you cited being pouty as something which lead you to feel disgust.

 

And I think the disgust is a good thing to feel around "sexy" women who are manipulative or shallow.  It certainly beats feeling aroused or attracted to them.  When I see a sexy woman who is completely mainstream and retarded it disgusts me regardless of how pretty she is.  And often her prettiness / make up / vanity feeding into her air-headed conformity only serves to disgust me more.

 

For example:  Lorde singing Royals.  The song is full of wonderful prose about how she'll always be a thick skinned commoner and doesn't aspire to be a royal.  But it is friggen revolting because it is basically saying "well the royals suck, but we sure are great aren't we?  We hard done by commoners are the best!"  Ughhh so gross.  The disgust to me comes from interacting with sexually manipulative women who are mainstream conformists.  Who aren't interested in any sort of depth or honesty or virtue in their lives....especially when they are trying to be deep and meaningful.  It is just gross.

 

That was the thing for me as well in high school.  It felt horrible to feel rejected by all these sexy girls I wanted to sleep and/or feel loved and accepted by.  The problem here was they were physically appealing, but spiritually and culturally they for the most part were my enemies.  So it sucks when your body goes "EGGSSS!! FRESH EGGS!!!" and your moral senses / brain / heart go "Ewwwwwwwwww disgusting human being alert!"

 

This contradiction in experience between sexual arousal and spiritual/philosophical arousal is pretty hellish and unpleasant and drives a good percentage of us insane in our teenage years and early 20's until we get some self-knowledge under our belts and can make peace that we aren't going to find satisfying relationships with the sex-painted up muggles around us.  And at that point for me was when I started to experience disgust when otherwise pretty girls would hit on me.  

 

Any thoughts?  I hope this makes at least my thoughts clear on this and maybe gives you some relevant things to noodle about. 

[Frederik]

Please describe your current life situation. Do you have something to do with yourself? How content are you with yourself? What are the people like that you surround yourself with? Are you financially secure? Do you find yourself attractive? etc.

[TheRobin]

Given that you do not know how the woman actually is in real life, I think a big clue could be gotten out of you telling us (or analysing yourself) what you imagine her to be like and how exactly you judge that behaviour.

[Wuzzums]

OR it could be that she's a great actress that manages to get the desired emotion out of you. I've seen that movie, you're supposed to hate her character, or at least get a negative reaction from her.

[NotDarkYet]

Very thoughtful replies.  Thanks everybody.  

 

 

1.  Yes, the cognitive dissonance of I WANT THOSE EGGS but I CANT HAVE THOSE EGGS, definitely plays a part, especially combined with....

 

2.  The cognitive dissonance of I WANT THOSE EGGS, but SHE IS A HORRIBLE PERSON.

 

3.  I have a good life.  House, job, girlfriend, passions, friends.    I'm good looking enough (a 7 or 8, depending on what shape I'm in).  But I definitely have problems with intimacy.

[Better Future]

Everything you are feeling is completely normal and can be traced back to self replicating molecules. Attractiveness generally reflects the health of a person, each sex seeks the healthiest mate they can find. You are programmed to fertilize the eggs of attractive females as it is beneficial to the species. If you are unable, you become irritated. That is how the reproductive instinct works and it works well.

 

But then there is another component. Our large brains enable us to reflect on the process. You are able to reflect on the unfairness of how people are treated with respect to the way they look. You also find that your values are in conflict with your reproductive instinct.

 

When I see attractive people in movies I just think, "Of course, makes perfect sense". I observe human behavior with interest, no negative feelings. Maybe your feelings of disgust and anger would be reduced if you were to fully understand and accept the processes that give rise to your feelings.

[DaviesMa]

Attractive women are a special case in the life of men where our principles can be juxaposed to our emotions. If I thought a Mercedes was a beautiful car but I didn't like the company because of some percieved immorality, it is a lot easier for me to put the Mercedes out of my head and eliminate the contradiction as it is not a biological desire.

 

Unfortunately, as a man you do not have that luxury with a beautiful woman so your brain is hijacked into assigning value to an arbitary trait. As the desire isn't under your control your disgust may be a counter reaction to that to keep you safe from dicknapping. It may also be a form of self disgust at your biology contradicting your values.

[Lens]

I have a theory about your disgust and see if it resonates with you. I think you are pushing yourself to believe the lies of others, so suppose this actress is playing a role in the movie and also playing a role in real life so in both scenarios she is faking it and you are trying to believe her because you think you have no choice, but your body is smart enough to give you disgust and anger in my view your body is saying a clear NO. It is a war inside you between the truth and the lie, between conformism and rebellion (anger and disgust) and the body/intuition knows faster than the brain. Here your feelings of disgust can be a real help to guide you in life at first these feelings are awful but you can learn to control them and use them to know the truth. These techniques were forbidden to us as children we were forbidden to see behind the lies of our mothers so we had to believe that they were perfect women and that we were the ones to blame because we were made to think we were deficient. Something similar is getting triggered in the present when you are confronted with lies and you conform by believing in those lies which produces anger and disgust. I hope my explanation was not too difficult to understand please let me know if this resonates with you.

[J. D. Stembal]

Very thoughtful replies.  Thanks everybody.  

 

 

1.  Yes, the cognitive dissonance of I WANT THOSE EGGS but I CANT HAVE THOSE EGGS, definitely plays a part, especially combined with....

 

2.  The cognitive dissonance of I WANT THOSE EGGS, but SHE IS A HORRIBLE PERSON.

 

3.  I have a good life.  House, job, girlfriend, passions, friends.    I'm good looking enough (a 7 or 8, depending on what shape I'm in).  But I definitely have problems with intimacy.

 

I haven't seen the movie in question, but I generally do not have negative reactions to women (or men) who are cast for attractiveness. As Better Future hinted, this phenomenon makes perfectly sound financial sense from a casting and movie production perspective. Scarlet Johansson and Bradley Cooper are bankable names in Hollywood mainly for their attractiveness in my estimation. Marilyn Monroe was a deeply troubled addict, and nearly impossible to work with as an actress, but her fans and the popular media worshiped her like a Greek goddess, and therefore she was the biggest female name in Hollywood at the time.

 

I'd like to pose a question. Are you more frustrated that attractive women are irresponsible with their sexuality and eggs rather than that they won't give you access to them? I would argue that most 9s and 10s are shallow people and the fact that they are repulsed by you - if they are repulsed by you - is a benefit to you in the long run.

 

As a footnote, I don't follow the logic you presented that attractive women were nurtured in their childhood. If this were true, why would they fall on superficial props to induce men to like them? A child that was properly nurtured and had their needs consistently met would not want to attract the attention of superficial people.