AALLLSFFH Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I'm an American in his early 20s teaching English at a language school in Russia. I went with a group of colleagues and students (teenagers around 14 years old) to a parade and during a conversation with one of the students I learned that she has been dating a man twice her age for two months now. I know that her parents are not aware, she isn't comfortable sharing this with them, and she says she trusts this man completely. I can't imagine this man is normal because he is dating a child and now he is accusing her of liking me. I also have questions about her parents because it seems to me that a situation like this couldn't develop without significant parenting problems. This was all quite shocking to me so I read a number of relationship and parenting forums. In the American forums, the responses to situations like this are strongly negative, even suggesting the police be involved. Then I read Russian forums and the responses are nearly all positive, even to age gaps as extreme as this. What is your reaction to this situation? Is it really as dangerous as it seems to me? How can I, as a teacher, most help this girl? What do you think should be my response?
MysterionMuffles Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 When you say the responses are positive in the Russian forums, what do you mean? That they're okay with this kind of thing, or the kind of consequences that should come out of it? I believe it's definitely dangerous if her parents aren't allowed to know about it. She's missing something significant at home that only this man is providing and willing to provide because he can SENSE that she's missing it. I don't know what your response should be and how as a teacher you can help this girl. The first place I would start is finding a way to meet this man to see how he behaves. When it comes to age gap relationships, you need to figure out who is not at their intended maturity level? The older person or the younger one? Is the younger one so mature that they are capable of being with someone significantly older, or is the older person so immature that they can only be with someone significantly younger than themselves? The whole keeping it from her parents thing is the biggest red flag because you know they don't have a connection with her. I knew a girl in high school who at the time was 16 and she was dating a 20+ year old guy. Can't remember the exact age difference, but basically we talked about it and she said that her parents had met him and gotten to know him. Plus in Canada, I believe the age of consent is 16 in which you cannot have sex with an adult unless you have your parents permission. (Don't quote me on that, I'm unsure). I would suspect that this was one of the few rare exceptions where an age gap relationship was approved of by the younger person's parents and was actually functional at all. I don't know the whole story for that girl, but from what I gather, there wasn't that huge of a problem if at all. However, the girl you're talking about...sounds like she sends a ton of red flags.
Merrifield Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I know that her parents are not aware, she isn't comfortable sharing this with them, and she says she trusts this man completely. I can't imagine this man is normal because he is dating a child and now he is accusing her of liking me. I also have questions about her parents because it seems to me that a situation like this couldn't develop without significant parenting problems. What is your reaction to this situation? Is it really as dangerous as it seems to me? How can I, as a teacher, most help this girl? What do you think should be my response? I know nothing of the Russian culture, but regardless the girl is a child. The man, if he exists, could be a pedophile. If you want to get involved you either need to contact the parents or the authorities.I don't know if you've ever met the man and the reason I say "if he exists" is, there is a possibility the girl has invented the "boyfriend" to run a seduction on you. She invents him to open up the line of conversation with you and uses "his" jealousy to tell you she's into you. If this hypothetical is the case, you should be extremely cautious. Another hypothetical, what if he's her pimp? You may have the information to disprove these theories and I could be totally off on all of this. I'm just trying to watch your back.
Merrifield Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 (edited) Double post Edited May 12, 2015 by Merrifield
Merrifield Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 Wait for it... Wait for it I made a big post but it's stuck in the glitch
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