Slavik Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 Solved (possible solution below) Hi, I work in the store and I do claims and HAZMAT. When I was transferred to that department immediately I have noticed many issues, other employees were leaving their hazmat behind, which they are not suppose to do. I have talked to many of those people and found out that they simply wanted to push their work on to us. I resolved those issues with most of the people, some however dont seem to care and keep on pushing their work on me. I have been in contact with my direct managers as well as theirs. Managers keep on telling me that the issues will be resolved, yet months have passed and nothing has changed, in some respect its gotten almost to the point of when I first arrived. I kept on showing the problems to the managers to no avail. I've noticed that I am getting incredibly infuriated by by this. It feels like I am back in my school where kids are trying to take advantage of me with no one to help. I know the job is complete crap, I am planning on finishing one year here and moving on. The problem is that I really do not know what to do. I do not want to do other peoples job for two reasons a) I dont want to allow anyone to take advantage of me any longer b) If I do their job it will make me look bad as my job will start to lag behind. Thank you in advance for any input. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- First I would like to thank everyone for very fast and insightful comments, I really appreciate the help. As Lens mentioned, I followed his advise and did some introspection. I found that in reality, the reason I approached all of those managers, is that I wanted revenge, I wanted proverbial "blood." In my mind these few employees represented all of my past bullies, and I wanted them to pay. When I stopped talking to this "part" I realized that I was consumed with rage, and many hours of my days were spent on plotting revenge, and imagining them being hurt. I also noticed another part that felt very raw, very "naked" exposed. That part wanted no, needed protection. I was seeking that protection in these managers, as I used to look for it in my parents to no avail. The conclusion I came to (my therapist helped before on similar issue with my past) is that I was still being controlled by those bullies, they were provoking me, and I responded. I stopped responding. Now when I see their things piled up in my work place, I take 5 minutes to gather it all into a cart, and roll it right back to their work place. One of those employees tried to bully me about bringing work back to him even tried to threaten me saying "there will be problems" to which I replied "Its ok if there are problems, we can go to a manager if you would like to resolve this," that cooled him immediately. So in the end, I take their things back to them, and it no longer bothers me, and I am not allowing anyone to take advantage of me this way wither. PS: I think this is a solution, but if anyone has any advice to better it or to do something different, please let me know. Al insights are happily taken in . Thank you again everyone 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
labmath2 Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 I recently started speaking up more to people i work with and i find that its not just speaking, but the way you do it. If you just write a complaint or make a side comment, most of the time, people will see it as petty or unimportant, You have to do it in a serious way. Call the manager show him the problem in front of the people he needs to address. That will be a good time to ask them if they have good reasons for repeatedly abandoning their jobs, When something like that happens, if nothing changes, you at least have that moment as shield yourself from criticism if something happens in the future due to other people's incompetence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirgall Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 Personal safety, especially your long-term health, has to be offset by the rewards of the job or it is just not worth working there. Try to get firmer answers on when things will be fixed and perhaps that may address your justified fears for your own safety. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slavik Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 I recently started speaking up more to people i work with and i find that its not just speaking, but the way you do it. If you just write a complaint or make a side comment, most of the time, people will see it as petty or unimportant, You have to do it in a serious way. Call the manager show him the problem in front of the people he needs to address. That will be a good time to ask them if they have good reasons for repeatedly abandoning their jobs, When something like that happens, if nothing changes, you at least have that moment as shield yourself from criticism if something happens in the future due to other people's incompetence. Thank you for replying labmath2. I have done the things you have mentioned in your post with no results. Personal safety, especially your long-term health, has to be offset by the rewards of the job or it is just not worth working there. Try to get firmer answers on when things will be fixed and perhaps that may address your justified fears for your own safety. Hi shirgall thank you for your comment. There is no safety concerns. The only concern I have is people trying to take advantage of me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lens Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 I'd suggest you to read books on how to deal with abuse at the workplace and there is a very good book called Stalking the Soul written by Marie-France Hirigoyen. If you read in french there is another book by the same author called "Malaise dans le travail, harcèlement moral : déméler le vrai du faux" One more thing to help you in this very painful situation is to try to talk to an empathic friend or an empathic therapist about this situation that will help you to express your feelings of despair, sadness and anger. Also maybe you are reacting to old and unworked traumas in childhood (triggers) and It looks to me that the root problem relies more in your childhood when you say that kids infuriated you in school, did your parents know this ? Did they protect you or they also were abusive so you could not talk to anyone and you felt isolated ? Here's a good podcast about taking your feelings into account at work http://cdn.media.freedomainradio.com/feed/FDR_1454_RTR_At_Work.mp3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slavik Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 I'd suggest you to read books on how to deal with abuse at the workplace and there is a very good book called Stalking the Soul written by Marie-France Hirigoyen. If you read in french there is another book by the same author called "Malaise dans le travail, harcèlement moral : déméler le vrai du faux" One more thing to help you in this very painful situation is to try to talk to an empathic friend or an empathic therapist about this situation that will help you to express your feelings of despair, sadness and anger. Also maybe you are reacting to old and unworked traumas in childhood (triggers) and It looks to me that the root problem relies more in your childhood when you say that kids infuriated you in school, did your parents know this ? Did they protect you or they also were abusive so you could not talk to anyone and you felt isolated ? Here's a good podcast about taking your feelings into account at work http://cdn.media.freedomainradio.com/feed/FDR_1454_RTR_At_Work.mp3 Hi Lens, thank you for replying. I guess I should have mentioned in my original post that I am in therapy, and indeed this situation triggers my past abuses. I am well aware of the triggers though, these triggers used to get me to shut down and then I would become passive aggressive. Right now I am learning to set boundaries, this is why I dont want to just allow this situation to continue. Oh as far as my parents, not only did they NOT protect me, they were themselves the source of abuse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lens Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 You are absolutely right you should not allow it to continue to erode your sense of self. I did mention childhood before because people usually don't wanna treat the root of the problem. I think you should continue to stand for your rights to be respected it will make you feel miserable with guilt feelings at first but the more you defend yourself in the present the more you will feel safe and protected by yourself the fear will go away also this will make you stronger to confront more efficiently your past because you are making your present and your future different from the original template. It worked that way for me when I had to defend myself and say no to people in my life. Again about your workplace, see if you can write and send an official letter where you express facts about the abuse happening, that will shake them off a bit. I encourage you to continue to defend yourself go legal if you can or see if you can work in another company. Life is short you should not waste it trying to please toxic people. Btw what you're doing to find solutions to this is really courageous and inspiring good luck in your therapy! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slavik Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 You are absolutely right you should not allow it to continue to erode your sense of self. I did mention childhood before because people usually don't wanna treat the root of the problem. I think you should continue to stand for your rights to be respected it will make you feel miserable with guilt feelings at first but the more you defend yourself in the present the more you will feel safe and protected by yourself the fear will go away also this will make you stronger to confront more efficiently your past because you are making your present and your future different from the original template. It worked that way for me when I had to defend myself and say no to people in my life. Again about your workplace, see if you can write and send an official letter where you express facts about the abuse happening, that will shake them off a bit. I encourage you to continue to defend yourself go legal if you can or see if you can work in another company. Life is short you should not waste it trying to please toxic people. Btw what you're doing to find solutions to this is really courageous and inspiring good luck in your therapy! Hi Lens. thank you for the inspiring comment. I have edited my original post to what I think is a possible solution that I am implementing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lens Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Your response was very clear and the guy noticed you are becoming stronger and he backed off. I smiled when he said to you “there will be problems” it is amazing how much these people lack so much empathy he did not see that there was already a problem he was creating but he delegated it to you to deal with it now you gave him his problem back justice was made. You see parents do the same thing when they have an internal problem they externalize it and vomit it in the child by blaming the child (poisonous container) and now the child has to deal with all the family problem. In your workplace these people acted like your parents and like everyone of us you were conditioned to not to see it and to take responsibility for other people problems. I think that’s why I said in the first post that you don’t need to please shit people just tell them no or ignore them. Anyways this is a very good step forward for you in dealing with people who lack empathy and compassion and what you did is truly encouraging and inspiring. How do you feel now about this situation ? Do you think it is resolved ? Do you think you’ll stay in this workplace ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Green Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Solved (possible solution below) Hi, I work in the store and I do claims and HAZMAT. When I was transferred to that department immediately I have noticed many issues... Sounds like you inherited this situation from someone else that just submitted and did everyone's work for 'em. Maybe they got so sick of it and instead of fixing the problem like you so wonderfully managed to do, they just left/transferred elsewhere. Regardless it sounds like you got it squared away man, high five! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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