Symptoms I can not decipher

[Slavik]

Hi, I have been in therapy for almost a year now.  There are many things I have connected with the help of my therapist, yet few remain a total mystery.

1) I am not able to tell if another person likes me.  At the very best its a shaky neutral in my mind.  By not being able to tell I mean I can not read the positive emotions of another person towards me, this is the most evident when it comes to the opposite sex.  It all ends up being purely logical for me, as in I end up figuring it out that they might like me through pure logic.  

 

2) The fear of death night terrors I have had when I was a child.  I remember waking up in the middle of the night in absolute terror, running to my mother, waking her up and asking her if I am going to die from one thing or another.  I want to say that most of my childhood remains a dark shadow, only some such instances stand out, the rest is seemingly gone.

 

Any thoughts on this are greatly appreciated 

 

Thank you in advance 

[Stephen C]

Whaddup Slavik, 

1) Who is the one that categorizes emotions as positive or negative, can you get to know her/him? 

2) Who is the one that fears death, can you get to know him/her?

3) Who is the one that wants to connect things that remain a total mystery in therapy, can you get to know him/her?

Talk about a one trick pony, that's all I got, Papi Chulo. All the best to you. 

[TheRobin]

Not quite sure what you're asking. Do you want to figure out why you have those symptoms? Or do you ask for advice on how to get rid of them?

[yzeew]

1) I remember my first love, after the first day on both sides seemed like both of us had no interest. We dated for 15 month lol.

Let body language and facial expressions guide you if it is not intrinsic if you cannot sense the "vibe" (for lack of a better word). Personally we may depart from root cause as for me it was a result of being shy and not an inability to read people so much.

 

Similar to me but not really is I had trouble hearing what people say (became word soup) so I learned how to read lips and do not have the inability to understand spoken language anymore. If this does not resonate I hope this does, that problems not "common case" and personalization is key. Therapist tend to revert to common case if not prompted other-wise. Preparation for therapy is key as well.

 

2) Is it a night terror as the main criteria is you do not remember night terrors. It comes from a sleep state so deep you memory is very weak. About the only thing a person can remember from a night terror is the emotion attached to it. If I assume "fear of death night terrors" and not "fear of death and night terrors" it seems like a nightmare in the first part and a night terror in the second. I cannot help with night terrors and I doubt a therapist know more then me. I can help with the nightmare if the location is a repetitive and real and/or circumstance you experience (even if it is warped it still counts). Sorry if I was unclear about what you meant and made you read more to touch all bases.

 

Fear of death I always think of a quote from Charles Darwin.

 

After sleeping through a hundred million centuries we have finally opened our eyes on a sumptuous planet, sparkling with color, bountiful with life. Within decades we must close our eyes again.....We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Sahara. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of those stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here. We privileged few, who won the lottery of birth against all odds, how dare we whine at our inevitable return to that prior state from which the vast majority have never stirred?"

 

I start to tear up by not understand and appreciate and I become afraid not to live my life   but then laugh as he called himself "ordinary" lol

 

Hope this helps good luck! 

[Lens]

Fear of death and terror are both symptoms of real Threats and Violence in your childhood this is not something you are inventing. It looks like to me that the violence began very early in your childhood as small human being attacked by your parents (3 to 4 times your size) this would produce enormous fear in you because imagine if today someone 4 times your size would attack you, you would fear for your life as a child multiply that fear factor x100 maybe more. Your parents/family are the ones who terrorized you and let danger come to you without protecting you so they become the abusers and then you would run to them for protection when you are afraid of "life" so they do both roles at the same time this can lead to Schizophrenia in some cases because of the confusing nature of being the abuser and the loving parent (see Stockholm Syndrome).

 

This is like having your lawyer becoming your judge and after returns as a lawyer or imagine a prison guard who tortures you at the same time gives you food and sometimes can show you even understanding. This scenario is not so rare btw a lot of children go through that and develop social anxiety in adulthood the problem is they do not remember the attacks which could have happened as early as in babyhood in preverbal stage and this inevitably produces a lot of shame and fear of death or fear of life.

 

I can really understand you that you cannot know who likes you and who doesn't I ran thru similar fear like you. I would suggest to not focus on who likes you and focus to protect yourself from who doesn't like you like in the case of your co-workers. In therapy at one point you will become to like yourself and you will see how much your family victimized you this insight can really unlock much empathy for yourself and you'll see that the rejection that you fear in the now already happened and it is not dangerous to discover it in your therapy in my view you need to go through that fear of death/rejection slowly so you can process it express it with shakings and sobbing and with your therapist next to you because come out of dissociation is intense. The ultimate goal of a therapy in my view is you become your best friend no matter what is the circumstances, whether being loved or hated your self love will be unshakable and you'll become the person who loves You the most, after that you will attract only the people who love themselves.

 

Thanks for bringing this up! I wish you best of luck in healing the effect of this early rejection in the beginning of your life.

[Slavik]

Not quite sure what you're asking. Do you want to figure out why you have those symptoms? Or do you ask for advice on how to get rid of them?

Hi Robin.  To answer your question I would say I would like to know why or how I have them?  Knowing the root cause I might be able to begin to address the symptoms.  The thing is, when I ask my parent about my past according to her it was a "more or less normal childhood." 

[_LiveFree_]

Hi Robin.  To answer your question I would say I would like to know why or how I have them?  Knowing the root cause I might be able to begin to address the symptoms.  The thing is, when I ask my parent about my past according to her it was a "more or less normal childhood."

 

The answer to both of your questions is the same. Two symptoms of one thing. To find the answer you must go through your parent. Persistent, unrelenting, and logical curiosity to find out about your past. Look at everything. Make a timeline. Night terrors and an inability to see basic emotional responses don't just happen. Someone is lying.

 

I'm very sorry.

[Kurtis]

Hi, I have been in therapy for almost a year now.  There are many things I have connected with the help of my therapist, yet few remain a total mystery.

1) I am not able to tell if another person likes me.  At the very best its a shaky neutral in my mind.  By not being able to tell I mean I can not read the positive emotions of another person towards me, this is the most evident when it comes to the opposite sex.  It all ends up being purely logical for me, as in I end up figuring it out that they might like me through pure logic.  

 

Have you tried doing any somatic therapy?  I used to think that my senses were damaged and not to be trusted.  After reconnecting to my body I discovered that it knows so much more than my conscious self.  I think if you could tap into your body's feelings it might help you navigate through social situations where judgement is required.

 

2) The fear of death night terrors I have had when I was a child.  I remember waking up in the middle of the night in absolute terror, running to my mother, waking her up and asking her if I am going to die from one thing or another.  I want to say that most of my childhood remains a dark shadow, only some such instances stand out, the rest is seemingly gone.

 

I had recurring nightmares when I was very young.  It was only when I got into FDR and therapy that I realized there were very clear messages being conveyed to my conscious self in these dreams.  The message was a resounding warning that I was in mortal danger and that the adults in my life were not safe.

 

When looking for the truths of your childhood, and your dreams conflict with the story your parents are telling you, trust in your dreams.  

 

I'm very sorry for the terrors you suffered.  I agree with the advice Nathan offered you.  I hope you find your way.

 

The ultimate goal of a therapy in my view is you become your best friend no matter what is the circumstances, whether being loved or hated your self love will be unshakable and you'll become the person who loves You the most, after that you will attract only the people who love themselves.

 

 

This reminds me of a concept that came out of my therapy called "competent caretaker".  The idea is that you can be your own competent caretaker, you can provide the love to yourself that your parents failed to do.  This way your are never alone with your challenges, you'll always have yourself there to provide love, forgiveness, and help where you need it.

[Lens]

 

This reminds me of a concept that came out of my therapy called "competent caretaker".  The idea is that you can be your own competent caretaker, you can provide the love to yourself that your parents failed to do.  This way your are never alone with your challenges, you'll always have yourself there to provide love, forgiveness, and help where you need it.

 

Great answer btw and yes a successful therapy is that you become your own competent and loving caretaker.

[bitcoin]

Hi Robin.  To answer your question I would say I would like to know why or how I have them?  Knowing the root cause I might be able to begin to address the symptoms.  The thing is, when I ask my parent about my past according to her it was a "more or less normal childhood." 

 

It would make sense to me that if you did not have much genuine, positive interactions with people growing up, you would have a hard time reading the body language and seeing the signs of such a thing. 

[Kevin Beal]

There are a lot of things that can contribute to night terrors, including:

• Sleep deprivation and extreme tiredness
• Stress
• Fever (in children)
• Sleeping in unfamiliar surroundings
• Lights or noise
• An overfull bladder
• obstructive sleep apnea
• Restless legs syndrome
• Migraines
• Head injuries
• Some medications

If it was really common, that would seem to be to be stress related. You are the only one who could know for sure.

 

Not being able to read other people's positive emotions is not very specific. I have that experience too sometimes and I score very high on reading emotions on faces.

 

People like to mask over the feelings they have inside with other expressions. You can't completely hide the actual feelings though, so you get some combination of happy and sad (for example) which can be confusing.

 

Or do you mean that you literally have to work out that because this person has a smile, their eyebrows are curving more downward out to the sides and their eyes are wider, therefore after taking mental note of these characteristics, I know that the person is happy? In which case, that sounds like aspergers or autism of some kind. The cause of which is unknown, to my knowledge.