Completion Anxiety

[MysterionMuffles]

I wonder if anybody ever experienced something similar to these things? Just a few weeks ago, I had completed writing the second draft of my novel. With the help of a friend, we held each other accountable in engaging in our respective art fields, making sure the other worked on it every single day in a row. He worked on sketching and drawing something different everyday, while I had a more focussed end goal in completing my novel by writing 500-2000 words a day or at least plotting out the next chapter whenever I finished one.

 

Needless to say, I had a ton of fun doing this. It took about 75 days to go from Chapter 14 to Chapter 27 and complete it. Some days I was on fire writing 1000-2000 words because the words kept flying, while other days I settled for only 500 and would not even get around writing until near the crack of dawn. But those days where I committed to doing even the minimal amount helped me keep the momentum going for the days it began to pick up again. I am very proud of my achievement, as  I have never written a novel twice in a row and improved on it based on people's (valid and helpful) feedback.

But during the week of my second last chapter, I ran into a problem; I didn't want it to end.

 

Logically, I already knew that this wasn't the end. Sure it would be the end of the second draft, but it wasn't the end of my work with the book. There's still the matter of the 3rd draft, getting a new critique group, and obviously going out there and publishing it.

 

A part of me clung to the comfortable routine I had developed for myself in those 75 days; sit around at a cafe all day, writing and chillin' with the baristas and other patrons, contact my friend and we show each other our work etc.

 

I did not want that to end. But I knew it would once I completed my novel. That would mean I would have less reason to visit the cafe or talk to that friend. Key word is less reason, not a reason to cease that activity completely. In fact, 75 days is probably the longest I've gone talking to someone consistently everyday and that felt weird to me. In a good way of course.

 

Anyways, I did a self RTR and I learned a few things as to why I might have resisted finishing the novel. I knew it was time to end it, there was nowhere else to go with the story, I resolved all the major subplots, wrote a pretty epic climax that had my friend at the edge of his seat waiting for the next page--but it had to end. Every single day, the habit of daily writing became so automatic that I had to do it before I can fall asleep at night. Whether I wrote during the day, evening, sometimes right before the crack of dawn, I couldn't NOT write. So to me it felt inevitable that I end it.

 

Having grown up with a lot of procrastination and perfectionism, I think that giving myself the space to write half chapters that were only half decent in comparison to the ones written on good and motivated days--it was an F YOU to the perfectionism. And then the fact that I would take care of writing every single day it was an F YOU as well to procrastination. Finally, I have stopped putting things off in the fear that it may not be good enough for some imaginary standard. I wrote. I got it done. It was scary. I had become consistently productive.

 

On top of that, I began playing big in the world. I was living out my purpose and engaging in my passion on a daily basis, seeing not only the value it gives me to work on, but also the value it may give to others once it's out there into the world. THAT is also scary as hell, for someone who has been used to not doing much with their life and never committing to anything greater than himself.

 

There were days where real life drama occurred, disappointments were had, but at the end of the day...I found solace in writing and sometimes even transmuting those intense emotions appropriately to my character's situation. They were completely different from mine, but the emotions of frustration were all the same and they transformed beautifully, I think.

 

That is what I think attributed to my completion anxiety earlier this month. Has anyone ever experienced anything similar or might have an alternate perspective as to how and why this occurred to me based on their experience?

[shirgall]

A lot of anxiety comes from not knowing what to do next... do you have a plan for what you want to do after you've finished? Do you feel like you have a choice about what you are doing now?

[MysterionMuffles]

A lot of anxiety comes from not knowing what to do next... do you have a plan for what you want to do after you've finished? Do you feel like you have a choice about what you are doing now?

 

Yeah I'm gonna take a few months away from the novel and just enjoy going to work and my leisure time on my days off. When I get back to it, though, I'm gonna form a new writing critique group that can help me polish the 3rd draft and possibly get published by next year.

[Kurtis]

I wanted to comment on what you said here:

 

 

Having grown up with a lot of procrastination and perfectionism, I think that giving myself the space to write half chapters that were only half decent in comparison to the ones written on good and motivated days--it was an F YOU to the perfectionism. And then the fact that I would take care of writing every single day it was an F YOU as well to procrastination. Finally, I have stopped putting things off in the fear that it may not be good enough for some imaginary standard. I wrote. I got it done. It was scary. I had become consistently productive.

 

 

 

I too battled the same with perfectionism and procrastination.  I suppose they are a form of completion anxiety in that they will prevent you from ever completing anything (sometimes before you even really start).  

 

I too have recently overcome these to become more productive and have an increased sense of satisfaction in life.  I am interested in what brought you to the point where you were able to overcome these issues?  What do you think is the source of the impossibly high imaginary standards we imposed on ourselves?

 

For myself, I'm not sure... I did find it helpful what Stef has said about procrastination, in that whatever you do instead of the thing being avoided, is actually what you'd rather be doing.  So it's important to acknowledge that.  However, there's more to it than that.  I have seen that in a general trend, as my mental health improved, so too has my ability to complete things or to decide (and follow through with) what I really want to do with my time. 

 

I've been thinking about self worth today and so maybe that's why, but I have the thought that it applies here also.  As my love for myself increases and my desire for happiness validated more and more, then I have less tolerance for forces in my life that detract from these things (anxiety about projects unfinished etc).

 

I have certainly found that completing projects builds momentum that makes it easier to achieve more and more.

 

It's an interesting topic you brought up, thank you for that.  Congrats on completing this draft of your novel!