The "Narcissistic Dull" (New Article)

[Three]

On medium this, to my great surprise, has become my most successful article yet, being my most viewed (767) piece with the largest read ratio(595 reads) of 78%. I shared this article in only two narcissistic abuse facebook groups before I went to bed around midnight and only 6 hours later both posts have gathered over 20 likes and much praise.

And the thing is, this is one of the simplest things I've written. A piece which my inner critic usually opposes by telling me the next piece has to be a dazzling display of my analytical capacities being pushed to the max, with research and sweeping rhetoric.

The lesson? Empiricism is the way to go. You just don't know if that thought you're having is boring or not until you share things.

The “Narcissistic Dull”

 

 

Much has been written about narcissists, in great length and in great detail. Such work has even spawned the invention of new terms and lingo to better describe characteristics that are typically displayed by narcissists as well as to establish a clear distinction between a behavior when its exhibited by a narcissist versus someone like you or me.

 

For example, there’s rage and then there’s “Narcissistic Rage.” Anybody who’s encountered such fury will know that there’s a clear difference between the two. For example, I rage sometimes, like when I yell at electronics that aren’t working the way I want them to. However, it’s totally a guilty indulgence for me and something that if you happened to witness on accident, I’d feel pretty

embarrassed about it and would be keen on persuading you that it’s not something I do a lot or think is ideal.


 

When a Narcissist rages she feels no such shame. She does not consider the boundaries of others nor how her screaming tirades impacts those around her and if she does, she feels self righteous and that the abuse is justified. Even if she’s aware of how immature and mean her behavior is, she does not care. If anything, she feeds off the thrill of power and feeling of omnipotence she gets from provoking fear in others.

 

However, there is one such characteristic that I’ve encountered repeatedly in narcissists I’ve interacted with that I don’t think I’ve ever read about, which is that they are so often incredibly, painfully boring. I’d like to introduce my own term by calling it the “Narcissistic Dull”.

 

Think about what makes a conversation enjoyable. For me, it is when the other person brings curiosity into the interaction, is truly interested in what I have to say, listens and asks questions. This is what helps to keep me engaged. But, despite the narcissist’s wit and charm, that flashy novelty wears off during conversation because they never ask you anything, don’t listen, they never are interested in you and they just go on and on and on about themselves. And because they (wrongly) think that they are interesting, they won’t neglect to mention the tiniest details. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to listen to my mom say while we’re at Subway, “You see, I’ve never really liked bread. If I eat it, I like it burnt.”

 

Sure, anyone can be dull, but if what I’m saying is a little boring to a friend, we can express ourselves and find a way to make the conversation fun again. When the narcissist is dull, she is extremely dull, doesn’t notice how bored you are or does notice, in which case she doesn’t care about your experience in the conversation and if so so happen to make your experience known, she will not take kindly to receiving any kind of feedback that isn’t what she wants to hear.

[Bipedal Primate]

As I read each example, I simultaneously had flash backs of these exact moments with a former narcissistic partner.

 

Looking back, it is so clear how shallow and boring this person is. They would tell me the same boring stories [of their grand accomplishments] over and over again.

 

This person also had a bizarre preoccupation with celebrity gossip. They would spend hours googling and reading about celebrities, and looking at google images of popular actors. I used to think their photographic memory of celebrity names and movie trivia was impressive, but now I realize that a photographic memory does not equal intelligence.

 

This person never had any original ideas and they would *always* hijack any topic about myself and make it about them. [rolls eyes]

 

I never understood how they would rage with anger, and two minutes later be as jolly as ever, as if nothing just happened. So creepy.

 

Wow, these descriptions are spot on. I can see why this article is so popular, especially with people who have a history with a Narcissists. 

 

Great work! :-)