Hobbies? Tinder? Crazy passion for helping the world? Yes, yes, yes!

[Yeravos]

I had a lot of fun talking and thinking about this. Hobbies! What are they for? What are they even? Can you have hobbies when the world is on fire? Also, being crazy about your passions! Let me know what you think

 

[A4E]

Great video.

 

Trying to figure out why she did not reply is very unproductive and really just self torture. Something more likely is that she is chatting with 20 guys simultaneously, and your answers were somewhat anti relationship, so your messages likely just drowned in comparison to the answers from other guys.

 

A stable relationship is more important biologically for a woman than a man. So when she asked you what hobbies you have, that is not really what she was asking you. I genuinely believe that women are looking for hints of where they will be in the mans life if they get together. And also inviting the man to come up with something pro relationship. If the man really wants a relationship, then it makes sense for the woman to look for these clues right? She might not even understand herself that she is searching for them.

 

Lets say you answered: "Oh, I like to spend hours counting money. And when I'm not traveling the world, I go to the gym and I usually hang out with all my friends there. and talk about how to stay fit and healthy."

 

It only says something about you, and even though it seems that you are well off economically, and world experienced, and healthy and fit, there is nothing about a potential stable relationship or where such a partner would be in this context. So you are likely to not get an answer back there as well.

 

This does not mean you have to lie. We all like to imagine how a perfect relationship with someone will be. So why not include hints of that in your answer? You could theoretically mention any hobby, as long as you include her into the picture at some point. When you want a lifetime relationship then just give plenty of hints around that as well. And don't make the hobby sound like an obsession. If you are obsessed with something in the world, how are you going to find time for her? Do you intend to use her as your napkin in between the glorious fights with evil?

 

Example:

 

"I like to tend to my plants, while I am thinking about finding the one."

 

As opposed to:

 

"I have to make sure my plants are ok. They need certain amounts of water, and such and such amount of light and nutrition. It is complicated and I have to do it this way to get the results I want."

 

She was not asking what hobbies you have. She was asking where she would be in your life.

[kathryn]

Nice video. Thanks for sharing. It was interesting to hear about your experience with Tinder.

 

I'm confused about something though. This woman asked you what your hobbies were after you had just mentioned you enjoy reading, exercising, and gardening. Is that right? That seems a bit dismissive and disconnected of her, like she wasn't actually listening to what you were saying. Either that or she has a more specific definition of hobbies that I'm unaware of. Maybe your response felt boring to you, not because of the subject matter, but because you were repeating yourself. You had just told her your hobbies, and then she asked you what your hobbies were. Does that resonate at all with your experience in the conversation?

 

I'm curious why you didn't ask her the initial question that came to your mind, "What do you mean by hobbies?" Were the messages exchanged more like emails or was it an instant message type thing?

[SuperAdventurer]

Yeah kathryn makes a good point, you listed some hobbies and then she asked what your hobbies are. Almost as if she's clicking between you and 50 other matches and she can't keep straight who you are, and the hobbies question is getting sent to all of you. Meanwhile you're putting a lot of thought into trying to decode her motivations behind the (possibly copy/pasted to you and 50 other guys) texts she's sending you.

 

You answered the hobbies question truthfully. So at that point the ball is in her court. She didn't respond back. Maybe she really didn't like your response. But maybe you were already 15th on her list of matches and the only way she was getting back to you was if she couldn't get anywhere with numbers 1 through 14, even if you had been able to read her mind and gave a list of the ideal hobbies she looks for in a man. I don't think trying to figure out why your hobby response failed to meet with her approval is a good use of your time and energy, and anyway you have no way of knowing, since she's not going to tell you why. All you really know is she lost interest for some reason. Nothing to do but move on.

 

I too have tried Tinder, and I've gotten nowhere with it. You might eventually meet someone worthwhile, but it's a high volume, low probability of success approach. But if you can't think of any better options and you want to meet someone, you might as well keep at it. Just recognize the nature of what you're dealing with. It's important not to get too psychologically attached to any one particular match, because (at least in my experience) even after having what you think is a very promising chat sequence, there's always a pretty good chance that they won't be interested in meeting you, for whatever reason (usually they'll just stop texting and you won't know why - continuing to text them after that point is a waste of time and a loss of dignity, in my opinion). Keep Tindering if you still want to, maybe something will come up. If you get so discouraged that the app is making you depressed, deactivate your card and don't get back on Tinder, at least for a while. That's where I'm at with it now. At least it's a free app!

[Renaissance Man]

My online dating experience has been very similar. Funnily enough the people are so bad it's made me value my relationship with myself much more. I'd prefer to to by myself than talk to anyone on those sites.

 

Sorry ladies but being "Sassy" and "Sarcastic" isn't an attractive quality, to anyone. Nobody wants a lifetime of that bullshit.

 

I genuinely don't care about peoples' hobbies. That's how children make friends, not adults. Do you remember being a kid and saying, "Ugh! Adults. All they want to do is talk". There's nothing wrong with my hair stylist wanting to make small talk; but when it comes to establishing long lasting romantic relationships, talking about hobbies doesn't cut it.

 

This is a good way to filter out the people who want intimacy and relationships with depth. It's also a way to know who's wise and knows how to have adult conversations.

 

Everyone has pointed it out so far: She basically asked you the same question twice. Either she doesn't have the intelligence to understand what she's asking or doesn't care to pay attention. If somebody asks you about hobbies, at the bare minimum, they need to follow that up with the three magic words: Tell Me More.

 

In my opinion, you dodged a bullet. Be happy she didn't respond and go back to look for any red flags you might've missed.

[Yeravos]

Nice video. Thanks for sharing. It was interesting to hear about your experience with Tinder.

 

I'm confused about something though. This woman asked you what your hobbies were after you had just mentioned you enjoy reading, exercising, and gardening. Is that right? That seems a bit dismissive and disconnected of her, like she wasn't actually listening to what you were saying. Either that or she has a more specific definition of hobbies that I'm unaware of. Maybe your response felt boring to you, not because of the subject matter, but because you were repeating yourself. You had just told her your hobbies, and then she asked you what your hobbies were. Does that resonate at all with your experience in the conversation?

 

I'm curious why you didn't ask her the initial question that came to your mind, "What do you mean by hobbies?" Were the messages exchanged more like emails or was it an instant message type thing?

Yeah that's how it went down. I also caught that, that I had already told her. I think the reason I didn't ask her what she meant by hobbies is because at that point, I, had lost interest and just felt like writing something that was a bit different. Perhaps unsescessary if I was not interested anymore, but it was entertaining

Yeah kathryn makes a good point, you listed some hobbies and then she asked what your hobbies are. Almost as if she's clicking between you and 50 other matches and she can't keep straight who you are, and the hobbies question is getting sent to all of you. Meanwhile you're putting a lot of thought into trying to decode her motivations behind the (possibly copy/pasted to you and 50 other guys) texts she's sending you.

 

You answered the hobbies question truthfully. So at that point the ball is in her court. She didn't respond back. Maybe she really didn't like your response. But maybe you were already 15th on her list of matches and the only way she was getting back to you was if she couldn't get anywhere with numbers 1 through 14, even if you had been able to read her mind and gave a list of the ideal hobbies she looks for in a man. I don't think trying to figure out why your hobby response failed to meet with her approval is a good use of your time and energy, and anyway you have no way of knowing, since she's not going to tell you why. All you really know is she lost interest for some reason. Nothing to do but move on.

 

I too have tried Tinder, and I've gotten nowhere with it. You might eventually meet someone worthwhile, but it's a high volume, low probability of success approach. But if you can't think of any better options and you want to meet someone, you might as well keep at it. Just recognize the nature of what you're dealing with. It's important not to get too psychologically attached to any one particular match, because (at least in my experience) even after having what you think is a very promising chat sequence, there's always a pretty good chance that they won't be interested in meeting you, for whatever reason (usually they'll just stop texting and you won't know why - continuing to text them after that point is a waste of time and a loss of dignity, in my opinion). Keep Tindering if you still want to, maybe something will come up. If you get so discouraged that the app is making you depressed, deactivate your card and don't get back on Tinder, at least for a while. That's where I'm at with it now. At least it's a free app!

Yup, I am glad that it didn't consume much of my time at all, just a few sentences exchanged. I uninstalled tinder after that. Have you moved to another app SuperAdventurer, or have you abandoned/paused the online dating?

 

Sorry ladies but being "Sassy" and "Sarcastic" isn't an attractive quality, to anyone. Nobody wants a lifetime of that bullshit.

Yeah I find it fascinating when people write things like that on their profile and expect people to respond positively to it.

Then again, I am sure some do, which is sad.

 

Sorry ladies but being "Sassy" and "Sarcastic" isn't an attractive quality, to anyone. Nobody wants a lifetime of that bullshit.

 

I genuinely don't care about peoples' hobbies. That's how children make friends, not adults. Do you remember being a kid and saying, "Ugh! Adults. All they want to do is talk". There's nothing wrong with my hair stylist wanting to make small talk; but when it comes to establishing long lasting romantic relationships, talking about hobbies doesn't cut it.

 

This is a good way to filter out the people who want intimacy and relationships with depth. It's also a way to know who's wise and knows how to have adult conversations.

I am really starting to understand what Stef talks about when he says ''be honest'', ''be yourself'' when it comes to dating. Makes the filtering process so much more effective.

 

Everyone has pointed it out so far: She basically asked you the same question twice. Either she doesn't have the intelligence to understand what she's asking or doesn't care to pay attention. If somebody asks you about hobbies, at the bare minimum, they need to follow that up with the three magic words: Tell Me More.

 

In my opinion, you dodged a bullet. Be happy she didn't respond and go back to look for any red flags you might've missed.

I took the obligatory sigh of relief when I too realised that I had yet again dodged a bullet

[SuperAdventurer]

Yup, I am glad that it didn't consume much of my time at all, just a few sentences exchanged. I uninstalled tinder after that. Have you moved to another app SuperAdventurer, or have you abandoned/paused the online dating?

 

I'm out of the online dating game for the time being. I've tried Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Match.com at various times and it's been nearly impossible for me to meet anyone on all of them. The few women I have met through online dating, either I had no interest in a second date or they had no interest. So I'm pretty discouraged with the whole thing and even though I don't want to be single, based on my experience so far that really might be my best available option. If and when I do decide to give it another try, the first challenge is going to be getting over the negative attitude I've built up based on previous experience. I could meet someone who would be a good match and I might end up putting her off with my negativity.