efioptv Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Ami allowed to ask this type of questions here? Since the last year of high school, ive met this girl who i had a crush on. Never had my heart pound so fast and my hands shake so intensely for seeing her...my mother asked me whats the reason i like her and i can point out is she dress differently and have the same likings as i do...now that we study in a different college, only one or two semester that ill see her at the same bus stop. As today, she decided to take the slower bus instead of taking the same faster bus as i do...i wonder is it that im being annoyance to her. She did ask me if i take the slower bus and i told her that i dont because it is very slow. For her, she doesnt marrer because she will get to school too early anyways...guess i got rejected? We didnt talk to much from thr beginning we met. And my mother said she is just acting to cover her true self. The only real useful information i know about her is she got bullied in school before, but not the school we went to. She also lives with a single mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A4E Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Maybe she wants, or her parents want her to take the slow bus if it will be safer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister Mister Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 In my experience, I always used to go too slow. In other words, I know that I will see a girl frequently, and I talk to her in those situations of coincidental proximity, but I would never make a move in terms of taking a risk, clearly expressing interest, and eventually the girl would lose interest or get confused. So the answer is No, you haven't been rejected, because you haven't put yourself out there to risk rejection. You are going to have to get used to it, get over the fear of rejection, just doing this much will impress a lot of young women. I just wish someone would have told me this before I was like 25. Instead all I remember from Sex Ed was pictures of anal warts.Another challenge you are facing, as a younger man, is that clearly you have strong sexual/romantic feelings towards a person you don't know so well. Do you also fantasize about being with her? This is perfectly natural, but is also a major hindrance towards depth, as your hormones will try to prevent you from risking sex by pursuing honesty and intimacy and so on. So my advice would be, make a move to let her know you are interested and willing to make a risk. Instead of just talking to her when your lives randomly happen to coincide, ask her if she'd like to do something with you - dinner, movie, concert, sport, whatever. And if it works out, go slow - take the time to be curious, after a date, think about the things she has said and done after your hormones cool down, talk about it with your mother and/or others you trust.So in short, my advice is, don't wait around to express interest in a woman, but also give yourself time to see through the fog of your hormones and emotions. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efioptv Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 Maybe she wants, or her parents want her to take the slow bus if it will be safer? but...both driver are pretty dangerous anywasy? In my experience, I always used to go too slow. In other words, I know that I will see a girl frequently, and I talk to her in those situations of coincidental proximity, but I would never make a move in terms of taking a risk, clearly expressing interest, and eventually the girl would lose interest or get confused. So the answer is No, you haven't been rejected, because you haven't put yourself out there to risk rejection. You are going to have to get used to it, get over the fear of rejection, just doing this much will impress a lot of young women. I just wish someone would have told me this before I was like 25. Instead all I remember from Sex Ed was pictures of anal warts. Another challenge you are facing, as a younger man, is that clearly you have strong sexual/romantic feelings towards a person you don't know so well. Do you also fantasize about being with her? This is perfectly natural, but is also a major hindrance towards depth, as your hormones will try to prevent you from risking sex by pursuing honesty and intimacy and so on. So my advice would be, make a move to let her know you are interested and willing to make a risk. Instead of just talking to her when your lives randomly happen to coincide, ask her if she'd like to do something with you - dinner, movie, concert, sport, whatever. And if it works out, go slow - take the time to be curious, after a date, think about the things she has said and done after your hormones cool down, talk about it with your mother and/or others you trust. So in short, my advice is, don't wait around to express interest in a woman, but also give yourself time to see through the fog of your hormones and emotions. Good luck! Ya, I really need to overcome the fear of being rejected. Maybe because I felt rejected when I had a crush on another girl and without she knowing I had a crush on her, she turned lesbian...but besides the fear of being rejected, I think I'm also facing other problems, when I imagine of starting a relationship with someone, I would think way into the future when we have different career, have child(rens), getting retired, etc. Then, I thought, that is too much of a hassle...I really need to make sure I choose the right person to complete my life as happy as possible (for both of us). Besides those, I also have to consider that I'll loose my own time learning my hobbies, relaxing by myself without the worry of paying attention to someone else...the grown up side of me is urging me to get a relationship and the childish side of me is telling to have all the fun while I still can... Edit: forgot a few more things, which is the most important one. I've moved to the US and there is still an unknown chance that I will move somewhere else to live, which not everyone would be interest to abandon their home easily. Since I'm not born speaking English, I also have the fear of not being able to convey my thoughts in a very clear and understanding manner... this is pretty much my whole problem besides the fear of being rejected Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister Mister Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 but...both driver are pretty dangerous anywasy? Ya, I really need to overcome the fear of being rejected. Maybe because I felt rejected when I had a crush on another girl and without she knowing I had a crush on her, she turned lesbian...but besides the fear of being rejected, I think I'm also facing other problems, when I imagine of starting a relationship with someone, I would think way into the future when we have different career, have child(rens), getting retired, etc. Then, I thought, that is too much of a hassle...I really need to make sure I choose the right person to complete my life as happy as possible (for both of us). Besides those, I also have to consider that I'll loose my own time learning my hobbies, relaxing by myself without the worry of paying attention to someone else...the grown up side of me is urging me to get a relationship and the childish side of me is telling to have all the fun while I still can... Edit: forgot a few more things, which is the most important one. I've moved to the US and there is still an unknown chance that I will move somewhere else to live, which not everyone would be interest to abandon their home easily. Since I'm not born speaking English, I also have the fear of not being able to convey my thoughts in a very clear and understanding manner... this is pretty much my whole problem besides the fear of being rejected Please understand, this is all entirely normal - the fear of rejection, the fantasizing about the future, and so on. It shows to me that you are sensitive and intelligent, which are positives, but also present challenges. My impression is that you tend to over-analyze things to the point of being paralyzed, is that right? Also the conflict between short-term fun and long-term depth totally makes sense. But I think that is all jumping the gun. Based on your story, in my opinion you probably need some practice asking women out, dating, and so on. It's totally normal to imagine a future, or even get carried away by fantasy, but I would suggest you remain curious, that's the key. What makes a relationship special is that you don't know what the other person is going to say or do. Take the time to find out. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
efioptv Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 Please understand, this is all entirely normal - the fear of rejection, the fantasizing about the future, and so on. It shows to me that you are sensitive and intelligent, which are positives, but also present challenges. My impression is that you tend to over-analyze things to the point of being paralyzed, is that right? Also the conflict between short-term fun and long-term depth totally makes sense. But I think that is all jumping the gun. Based on your story, in my opinion you probably need some practice asking women out, dating, and so on. It's totally normal to imagine a future, or even get carried away by fantasy, but I would suggest you remain curious, that's the key. What makes a relationship special is that you don't know what the other person is going to say or do. Take the time to find out. its really hard to not think about them when my father had been telling me about planning ahead since I started to understand complex words Xd. But I feel guilty for asking a girl out just for my seek of practice? so far, I've thought of asking the girl out for a movie, but I'm still at the planning stage...since the movies I want to watch won't be out until Novernember Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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