Everybody is Just Horrible.

[NotDarkYet]

...is a regrettable thought I have from time to time.  Does anybody else get like that?

 

I moved from Asia recently, (I was there since 2005) to Austin TX.

 

Now that I'm back, half the time I go out , I have a horrible time - near-fights, jerk-bag comments, passive aggressive douche bags, horrible conversationalists, people with no curiosity, sarcastic hipsters, etc.....

 

I think of myself as a very open and friendly guy, but this negative social night-out is not uncommon.

 

I'm writing this because I just came back from a show, and sure enough, some people voiced some fightin' words, looking to start an altercation with my friend, the gentlest guy.

 

......I'm feeling angry at the moment.

 

The most horrible result is that tonight I have the following feeling....I half hope this country devolves into chao and these disgusting animals deserve what they get.  I'm starting to look at the bad news as good news.  Serves em' RIGHT.

 

Sad that I feel this way today.

[Will Torbald]

Everybody is horrible except you. You never make jerk-bag comments, never make passive aggressive comments, would never act passive aggressively, always have perfect conversation skills, curious about everything, never pretend any emotion or image. Sounds like you're a perfect person in an imperfect world. To hell with them, am I right?

[NotDarkYet]

Well. No.  I'm obviously not perfect.  

 

I'm seeing an awful lot of fighting going on at these places.  A lot of jerkyness, aggression and overall cruelty and violent tendencies.  

 

But you could be right.  Could be me.

 

But when somebody says "stand in line faggot" to me...I totally have a right to feel anger.

[Will Torbald]

Well. No.  I'm obviously not perfect.  

 

I'm just seeing an awful lot of fighting going on at these places.  A lot of jerkyness and aggression.

 

And that kind of comment isn't helping.  

 

What's up man?

 

Your problem isn't unique in any way, but you feel comfortable looking for sympathy. So many other places, cities, countries are in worst shape than Austin, TX right now. So many other people with problems much worse than a bad day and misanthropy. Serves them right? Happy of the murders, rapes, terrorism, riots in the news? I'm not going to feel sympathy for someone who glees on this.

[NotDarkYet]

Glee?

 

I shared with you a moment of weakness.  And shared how I was sad to admit that I, for a moment, entertained that emotion.

 

Are you so strong that you've never thought "these statists and warmongers can reap what they sow".

 

?

 

If no, then yes, clearly you're a better man.  Although, you'd think a better man would come at a misguided person such as myself with a bit more of your the compassion you claim to have for the statists.

[Will Torbald]

Glee?

 

I shared with you a moment of weakness.  And shared how I was sad to admit that I, for a moment, entertained that emotion.

 

Are you so strong that you've never thought "these statists and warmongers can reap what they sow".

 

?

 

If no, then yes, clearly you're a better man.  Although, you'd think a better man would come at a misguided person such as myself with a bit more of your the compassion you claim to have for the statists.

 

That's really interesting. You define as weakness what I see as hatred. Yes, you were sad, but have you taken it back? Do you really regret it? You're countering my comment, completely understandably as I know I am not being friendly, but you're not taking a step back to admit that saying that "serves them right" is not in any way a decent thing to say about victims of violence. Would you say it to the face to a parent who lost a child in a massive shooting? Or a terrorist bomb? That it serves him for being a statist? For being a person indoctrinated as a child by every corner of his environment, from parents to school to church to wave tiny flags at a building? How many people manage to break free of the matrix through peaceful and reasonable arguments against everything they've been told is right and moral? Very few, very little. At the very least they become libertarians or conservatives. I'm having compassion for you right now by telling you that I won't support that path. That I don't lean for people who don't take back their darkness. Sadness is not regret. Hatred is not weakness.

[MagnumPI]

To hell with everyone, though, really. Are they working to improve their condition? Yeah? Great, what do they need your sympathies for? Are they languishing in mediocrity and apathy? 'Fraid so. Then what have they done to deserve sympathy?

 

This idea of caring about strangers needs to go already. At best, it's like praying. In other words, doing nothing. And worst case, you're enabling their behavior. Praise a good deed and reject a bad one, then move along. Lots of shit needs to get done and not enough people doing it. Feeling sad for blown up babies, homeless drunks, diseased prostitutes... Wasted energy. Your bad feelings won't stop the bombs dropping. Sociopaths will always fill the ranks of the state. And empathizing with those lacking empathy will only result in a lack of empathy.

[fschmidt]

NotDarkYet, I assume the people in Asia weren't as horrible as the people in Austin.  The explanation is simple, modern culture is horrible, and the more a society is influenced by modern culture, the more horrible the people are.  The only way out is to find an alternative to modern culture, and that basically means a sane religion.

[Carl Green]

LEAVE TEXAS!

[jpahmad]

No. I live in Austin, Texas.  There are plenty of good people here.  You won't fond them on 6th street.  Believe me, I have had my fair share of experiences downtown as well, but that is just one small sector of what the city is.  

[NotDarkYet]

No. I live in Austin, Texas.  There are plenty of good people here.  You won't fond them on 6th street.  Believe me, I have had my fair share of experiences downtown as well, but that is just one small sector of what the city is.  

 

You nailed it.  It was downtown.  Seems most of those negative things have happened near 6th street.  In fact, last night Shia  Labeouf was arrested for public drunkeness.  http://www.cnn.com/2015/10/10/entertainment/shia-labeouf-arrested/ So even the rich aren't immune experiencing a crappy night out.

 

Your bad feelings won't stop the bombs dropping. Sociopaths will always fill the ranks of the state. And empathizing with those lacking empathy will only result in a lack of empathy.

 

I wish it was like water off a ducks back, but I have tendency to bottle up my hatreds and remember them and act as a Karma Policeman.

 

But that is draining.  And clearly not helping anybody, including myself.

 

To Will Torbald:  You've made some valid points.  There are definitely worse places on the planet than 21st century Texas.  Of course.  I should appreciate that.  Also, yes, I am flawed person, guilty of some of the characteristics I've accused others of having.  Maybe some of my Karma Police attitude has resulted in the very behavior I'm criticizing. 

[Will Torbald]

You nailed it.  It was downtown.  Seems most of those negative things have happened near 6th street.  In fact, last night Shia  Labeouf was arrested for public drunkeness.  http://www.cnn.com/2015/10/10/entertainment/shia-labeouf-arrested/ So even the rich aren't immune experiencing a crappy night out.

 

 

I wish it was like water off a ducks back, but I have tendency to bottle up my hatreds and remember them and act as a Karma Policeman.

 

But that is draining.  And clearly not helping anybody, including myself.

 

To Will Torbald:  You've made some valid points.  There are definitely worse places on the planet than 21st century Texas.  Of course.  I should appreciate that.  Also, yes, I am flawed person, guilty of some of the characteristics I've accused others of having.  Maybe some of my Karma Police attitude has resulted in the very behavior I'm criticizing. 

 

It's cool. It really is draining, as I've been there too. When you realize why your energy is low, and what attitudes are causing it, that's all that matters when it comes to overcoming a bad day's night out. You already know what to do after that, and it gets better.

[Matthew Ed Moran]

Hatred is weakness. It is vulnerability. Never do I feel less in control and rational than when I am feeling hatred.

 

If someone said "get in line faggot" to me I'm pretty sure I would feel hatred, but I don't think it would necessarily be because of what they said (after all I could rationalize that their outburst really isn't about me at all). Nothing reminds me of the trauma of my childhood and of what is most wrong with society more than sadism and verbal assaults - things that are said or done for no valid reason, for no wrong-doing you have done, but simply to piss you off and make you deal with their unprocessed hatred and rage. I hate the idea of that. I want to work to not hate people doing that, because I don't think it is rational, but nonetheless I can understand why I feel it.

 

I also repress rage that bubbles up when I'm driving  and some lunatic begins tail-gating me aggressively or something like that. Like, you petty fool, there is a car right in front of me! But I like to remember what stef said and ask myself "if a child runs up and punches you in the knee, do you get mad at him?" but it still annoys me that people can be so irresponsible that I have to treat them like they're 2 year olds.

 

Will Torbald, it can help to show some vulnerability when you're criticizing someone. NotDarkYet can speak for himself, but I have a hard time deciding whether you are actually interested in providing useful feedback or just venting because something you read bothered you.

[Will Torbald]

Will Torbald, it can help to show some vulnerability when you're criticizing someone. NotDarkYet can speak for himself, but I have a hard time deciding whether you are actually interested in providing useful feedback or just venting because something you read bothered you.

 

Pointing out the double standards in his comments is constructive criticism. Everybody is horrible is a phrase that includes himself, and me. His reasons to say that everybody is horrible also include him. He is either being self destructive, or having cognitive dissonance, and both are worth stopping.

[Matthew Ed Moran]

Pointing out the double standards in his comments is constructive criticism. Everybody is horrible is a phrase that includes himself, and me. His reasons to say that everybody is horrible also include him. He is either being self destructive, or having cognitive dissonance, and both are worth stopping.

 

"Everybody is horrible except you. You never make jerk-bag comments, never make passive aggressive comments, would never act passive aggressively, always have perfect conversation skills, curious about everything, never pretend any emotion or image. Sounds like you're a perfect person in an imperfect world. To hell with them, am I right?"

 

This is not constructive criticism. This is mockery and passive-aggression. He has said he is mostly a nice guy, and the mere fact that he is not perfect does not mean he is equivalent to the people he is encountering.

 

You received negative reputation from the post but you did not address this. You could show some vulnerability by addressing the fact that your post was not taken well and you could address the fact that you were mocking him, but you did neither.

 

"Your problem isn't unique in any way, but you feel comfortable looking for sympathy. So many other places, cities, countries are in worst shape than Austin, TX right now. So many other people with problems much worse than a bad day and misanthropy. Serves them right? Happy of the murders, rapes, terrorism, riots in the news? I'm not going to feel sympathy for someone who glees on this."

 

And then here you try to minimize his feelings and also put words into his mouth instead of being curious and patient. You tell him he is looking for sympathy and that he feels glee in sight of murder, rape, and terrorism on the news, thereby deciding his motivations and emotional experience. Then you say you're not going to feel sympathy, as if someone is asking you to or demanding you feel sympathy. No one asked you to feel sympathy or engage in this thread, but you feel the need to let him know you're not going to feel sympathy for him. I don't think that is constructive criticism, because the focus is on you withholding your sympathy for him, not understanding his thoughts and feelings.

 

I am not going to continue this conversation here past this post as I do not want to dominate the post with off-topic content.

[Will Torbald]

"Everybody is horrible except you. You never make jerk-bag comments, never make passive aggressive comments, would never act passive aggressively, always have perfect conversation skills, curious about everything, never pretend any emotion or image. Sounds like you're a perfect person in an imperfect world. To hell with them, am I right?"

 

This is not constructive criticism. This is mockery and passive-aggression. He has said he is mostly a nice guy, and the mere fact that he is not perfect does not mean he is equivalent to the people he is encountering.

 

You received negative reputation from the post but you did not address this. You could show some vulnerability by addressing the fact that your post was not taken well and you could address the fact that you were mocking him, but you did neither.

 

"Your problem isn't unique in any way, but you feel comfortable looking for sympathy. So many other places, cities, countries are in worst shape than Austin, TX right now. So many other people with problems much worse than a bad day and misanthropy. Serves them right? Happy of the murders, rapes, terrorism, riots in the news? I'm not going to feel sympathy for someone who glees on this."

 

And then here you try bullying him into shutting up. "other people have it worse so shut up, you big baby you" You tell him he is looking for sympathy, thereby deciding his motivations and emotional experience. Then you say you're not going to feel sympathy, as if someone is asking you to or demanding you feel sympathy. No one asked you to feel sympathy or engage in this thread, but you feel the need to let him know you're not going to feel sympathy for him. I don't think that is constructive criticism, I think it is narcissism.

 

I am not going to continue this conversation here past this post as I do not want to dominate the post with off-topic content.

 

"These disgusting animals"

"Bad news as good news"

"I hope the country devolves into chaos"

 

And you are reprimending me for being passive aggressive when he was being actively aggressive. You know, I was being sarcastic and cynical when I replied to his comments, I take that. I take the hits for low reputation that I deserve, I get it. I won't apologize for what I said passively aggressively against someone actively aggressive. Later on the effect I intended with that tactic payed off, and we mellowed out, and he realized something new about himself - that he was playing karma police on everyone else - and I was very courteous with that vulnerability. We cool, I'm cool with that, and it's all ok.

[NotDarkYet]

 I won't apologize for what I said passively aggressively against someone actively aggressive. 

 

I have something to say about that:

 

 

1)  The only person who reached out to a real flesh and blood person to inflict real negative feelings was you.  

 

My despair-yelled-into-the-void touched nobody, and was directed at nobody in particular.   That isn't "active aggression".

 

 

2) If you are allowed the benefit of a doubt of sarcasm/exaggeration in their writing - then why aren't I?    

 

Clearly, a member of FDR (since 2007) isn't really hoping for actual chaos.  I had a bad couple nights.  I was pissed, clearly.  

 

 

3) The ultimate bummer though was -  the first reply to my post (about having negative social interactions) was - - boom - - a negative social interaction  - the problem I was lamenting on.

 

It was like going in for a hug and getting a kick to the nuts.  

[Will Torbald]

It was like going in for a hug and getting a kick to the nuts.  

 

Getting pissed at the void doesn't deserve hugs. You're choosing to get angry yourself. If you don't believe you are choosing your enemies, your battles, and your frustrations, you are playing a deterministic victimhood game where you are the hostage of your own mind. I don't have sympathy for that. Go on, downvote this and tell me how unempathic I am. But please, do it only after you realize you are in control of yourself.

[Very Ape]

Why is everyone so f***king sensitive on here?

 

For the record I agree with the post 100%. America is going down the shitter and the bar scene there just attracts the pigs to the troth. Most Americans are incredibly stupid these days. Just Google Mark Dice.

 

I had a similar experience in Burlington Vermont last weekend where I realized most of the people out were either conceited hipster, annoying social justice warrior or frat boy Joey. There was no bar worth going to because everyone sucked that night and probably that was true in general there (I went to grad school there and felt the same way, spent all my fun time in Montreal instead).

 

Sorry it was true, don't get your panties all twisted about it either folks. Some places on certain nights just suck and bring out the worst in everyone. Like when some car with drunk assholes drives by you and they just scream unintelligible nonsense at you for no reason - imagining them suffering when the country falls about is perfectly normal IMO. I don't feel bad for them at all.

 

Admittedly I wasn't in a good mood already that night but I knew enough about those kinds of places to head back to my hotel before I got too drunk and became a curmudgeon. I suspect other people don't know when to pack it up esp with alcohol involved.

 

That's really the only lesson in it - find something else to do and let the assholes be assholes. Karma will get them some day.

[Very Ape]

I know I wrote some strongly worded opinions in that last post but I would like to add something that I think is worth considering.

 

I had the distinct feeling that night that just about everyone in Burlington was a student or broke twenty something. I imagined most of the people were paying for their drinks with student loan debt, etc. and I thought to myself that with all the economic shenanigans going on in the US, that most of the people I was looking at were probably already hopelessly in debt and would never rise out of it. Nor would they have the fortitude to stage any kind of revolution and overthrow the forces enslaving them - all they wanted was to be seen out drinking, getting buzzed and then chomping down some pizza. The more adept ones might get back to studying for their exams but probably very few would ever understand how the economy actually works in spite of their education. I was there myself at one point (literally a grad student at UVM) with tons of student debt too but I've paid most of it off now in part because I realized that something wasn't right with the US economy back in 2008 when I was still in school. It made me afraid and that fear drove me to succeed both at school and at work.

 

In short, I felt that there was no real economy there or anyone who understood it - that it was all a sort of illusion with people just drinking their time away blissfully unaware of what is about to transpire in the global economy and will fundamentally alter their lives probably for the worse. It made me uncomfortable and that was partly why i headed back to my hotel room earlier than I intended (was at a conference).

[shirgall]

Why is everyone so f***king sensitive on here?

 

Most of us are pretty empathetic because this site is a guidepost on the road to self-knowledge. Not everyone is on the same part of the journey, and not everyone responds to posts that aren't asking the right questions. In fact, a lot of us sit back and watch to see if a posting is a troll versus a discussion of something that could help us all become better.

[Very Ape]

My apologies for strong language btw.

 

I did not mean to troll - I actually had a very similar experience to the post author myself as I mentioned. I don't think he should feel bad about his experience at all.

 

He's not alone at all in his thoughts is what I meant to write.

[Torero]

Some places on certain nights just suck and bring out the worst in everyone.

Tried San Pedro Sula yet?

[Very Ape]

Can you recommend a good bar there?