Consistency: The Physics Of Relationships

[Three]

 

Consistency: The Physics of Relationships

Just as the consistent behavior of matter and energy creates security in our relationship with the physical world by allowing us to connect cause and effect and thus, accurately navigate through and avoid danger in our environment, so too does consistency in personal relationships create security.
 

Because of this, without consistency from our partner or from our friends, we forever remain in a perpetual state of unease just as if we were experiencing a mushroom induced nightmare wherein you could never be sure that your next step would land firmly on solid ground or that the floor would vanish, leaving you spinning helpless in free fall.
 

Imagine trying to play a sport like basketball and all of a sudden the ball hits the goal only to vanish and then reappear above you and fall on your head. You would be stunned at what had just happened, fearing you might be going insane. Now, questioning your sanity, you pick the ball up and throw it at the goal again, but this time it actually lands in the net and everything’s seemingly back to normal. In addition, nothing changes for an entire week until suddenly as you’re on a walk the ground exerts a force that trips you, which causes you to fall and creates painful bruises.
 

Soon, you begin to fear movement itself because you are never sure when, how, or why physics abruptly change consistency. In order to alleviate this anxiety, you begin testing different theories you have as to what might be causing these anomalies by changing your behavior. You start asking yourself, “Maybe it has something to do with me playing basketball or walking to slow or running too fast?”, but this is to no avail. No matter what you do, it seems there is no escape and soon, you become paralyzed.
 

This is the sort of terrifying nightmare world which abusers create for their partners through inconsistent behavior; a world wherein you can never be sure what the next day will hold in store for your mental health. This is why mean people are never mean all the time, because that you can predict that.

This is why “niceness” is essential for any kind of prolonged abuse to work, because the abuser want’s you around and want you to think that it’s your fault and that there is something you can change that will effect his behavior.




 

Consistency is the physics of a relationship; it is predictability and security. Without it, there is only tyranny.





 

P.S.

Thank you once again for taking the time and reading my article.

You could have chosen to read anything over the past few minutes, but you chose to read this. That means a lot.

 

If this was valuable, all I ask for is that you please like, comment, share, or recommend the article. Also, I hugely appreciate donation through pay pal ([email protected]) or Bitcoin donations, which I find truly helpful and motivating

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If you liked this article you might also like this one called, “Narcissistic Supply: Emotional Vampirism as a Symptom of Unmet Childhood Needs

https://medium.com/@joelpatterson_52315

[Danske]

Even though it's fairly short, this is probably my favourite article of yours. It reminds me of my own history dealing with inconsistent people, and helps me come to an understanding of its purpose

 

Being forced to pay attention to a disordered, crazy person all the time (my mother) in a fruitless effort to manage their state, made me resent those afforded a modicum of quiet, private, unabusive time. I always developed silly voices and impressions to distract people (if they're laughing they aren't abusing me!), but when I saw other kids / teens intently focused on a TASK rather than a PERSON, I would start to resent them, call them 'boring' and oftentimes try to mess with their mood (not a good tactic for endearing yourself to others). 

 

The prevailing message throughout my childhood was 'be cool, be extroverted, be popular', and she would actively sabotage my friendships with saner, steadier, more well adjusted people. She had to condition me to crazy in all walks of my life. So she wouldn't stand out so badly. I was a mess when I left home. I couldn't calm down and I had no sense of others boundaries. That compulsive 'trying to make sense out of randomness' has left a deep mark.

[Dermot]

Thank you Joel.

I have enjoyed your videos and articles.Nice Gif aswell. I like the way you relate it to physics. 

[Three]

Even though it's fairly short, this is probably my favourite article of yours. It reminds me of my own history dealing with inconsistent people, and helps me come to an understanding of its purpose

 

Being forced to pay attention to a disordered, crazy person all the time (my mother) in a fruitless effort to manage their state, made me resent those afforded a modicum of quiet, private, unabusive time. I always developed silly voices and impressions to distract people (if they're laughing they aren't abusing me!), but when I saw other kids / teens intently focused on a TASK rather than a PERSON, I would start to resent them, call them 'boring' and oftentimes try to mess with their mood (not a good tactic for endearing yourself to others). 

 

The prevailing message throughout my childhood was 'be cool, be extroverted, be popular', and she would actively sabotage my friendships with saner, steadier, more well adjusted people. She had to condition me to crazy in all walks of my life. So she wouldn't stand out so badly. I was a mess when I left home. I couldn't calm down and I had no sense of others boundaries. That compulsive 'trying to make sense out of randomness' has left a deep mark.

 

That's very kind of you to say, thanks! I forgot I even posted this here haha. 

 

I can also relate to everything you said. The resentment, getting this message to not be "shy" or "introverted", in other words be entertaining, and the deep mark from trying to make sense out of randomness. 

 

Thank you Joel.

I have enjoyed your videos and articles.Nice Gif aswell. I like the way you relate it to physics. 

Thank you for reading!