How to make friends?

[Copper_Heart]

I actually have no friends except from far away and I rarely talk with them and not sure if to call them acquittance...

 

Twice a week I chat with my peers from university and once a week I visit my extended family. In total may be 4 to 6 hours of unsatisfactory human talking a week. I also have problems with procrastination and I though may be it is has something to do with me being lonely.

 

I have changed schools about 10-11 times(never expelled). Plus I switched to new university this year. I do not really like people from my university either. Mostly this people like LoL, or Anime, or Futbol. Obviously I am the cattle in this case calling a pot black.

 

But still, I am not sure how to make actual friends.

 

So, any advice?

 

P.S. I lost all my friend from the other university... I actually want to call Stef and ask his opinion on that, but I think I need to prepare a bit more.

[Inner Horizon]

I actually have no friends except from far away and I rarely talk with them and not sure if to call them acquittance...

 

Twice a week I chat with my peers from university and once a week I visit my extended family. In total may be 4 to 6 hours of unsatisfactory human talking a week. I also have problems with procrastination and I though may be it is has something to do with me being lonely.

 

I have changed schools about 10-11 times(never expelled). Plus I switched to new university this year. I do not really like people from my university either. Mostly this people like LoL, or Anime, or Futbol. Obviously I am the cattle in this case calling a pot black.

 

But still, I am not sure how to make actual friends.

 

So, any advice?

 

P.S. I lost all my friend from the other university... I actually want to call Stef and ask his opinion on that, but I think I need to prepare a bit more.

 

Well this is definetly the right place for that, I've made some friends on fdr since creating my account.

 

This community has helped me with my emotional issues and spurred me to start working on a little personal project.

 

Just continue to be open and honest with people, both here and in your personal life. "Nothing will make people love you more and hate you more than telling the truth"

[Lars]

Amoral individuals possess little interest in being "friends" if they don't perceive you as a short-term net positive asset. It's quite easy to make "friends" if you're willing to erase your own needs. I guess you're currently pushing back against many would-be exploiters.

It will be tough if mutually beneficial relationships were seldom modeled for you as a child, but making virtuous friends is a lot like trying to find love--sort out the expression of your own values beforehand otherwise you'll end up endlessly attracting the wrong people and repelling the right.

Those who indiscriminately surround themselves with "friends" feel just as lonely deep down, they simply avoid processing the emptiness of their connections, that is to dwell within emotionally-detached groups organized around narcissistic ringleaders.

[Eternal Growth]

It's individuals I have met through FDR that have taught me what friendship is. The logic of making friends is really:

1. Start talking to people, looking especially for those who exhibit virtues (e.g. honesty, having an active mind, curiosity, courage, being in their true self).

2. Be the kind of friend you would want to have, and ensure that the other person is gaining by having you in their life, as you gain through your relationship with them.

3. Keep contact going, and the quality of the relationship growing.

 

Which part of the world are you from?

[AccuTron]

It's "kettle" not "cattle."  If you weigh six hundred pounds with hooves that are hell on the carpet, then that is always going to be a social hurdle.  

 

Does that make the saying more sensible, the pot calling the kettle black?  Tho', nobody cooks over a sooty wood flame any more, have no idea where the saying originated, so it could be any two words at all, which ends up being racist without knowing why.  Language, aaargghh!--I see why math is attractive.

[Copper_Heart]

Thank you all for your responses.

 

 

Amoral individuals possess little interest in being "friends" if they don't perceive you as a short-term net positive asset. It's quite easy to make "friends" if you're willing to erase your own needs. I guess you're currently pushing back against many would-be exploiters.

It will be tough if mutually beneficial relationships were seldom modeled for you as a child, but making virtuous friends is a lot like trying to find love--sort out the expression of your own values beforehand otherwise you'll end up endlessly attracting the wrong people and repelling the right.

Those who indiscriminately surround themselves with "friends" feel just as lonely deep down, they simply avoid processing the emptiness of their connections, that is to dwell within emotionally-detached groups organized around narcissistic ringleaders.

 

Yeah, this is exactly what happened to me. I was eager my self to erase my own needs. It was painful loneliness at the time, so much that I dreaded to be alone. To the point tears. Every one were having jolly good time outside: drinking, partying, dancing. Though I did not liked any of those things it was hard to find any other company I complied. Nothing would be missing if I just erased all this years.

 

Other thing. Up to my 20s I felt always like child amongst "big people". I think I am very underdeveloped emotionally. I am afraid that deep inside I am trying to substitute my parents.

 

 

It's individuals I have met through FDR that have taught me what friendship is. The logic of making friends is really:

1. Start talking to people, looking especially for those who exhibit virtues (e.g. honesty, having an active mind, curiosity, courage, being in their true self).

2. Be the kind of friend you would want to have, and ensure that the other person is gaining by having you in their life, as you gain through your relationship with them.

3. Keep contact going, and the quality of the relationship growing.

 

Which part of the world are you from?

 

sPain.

 

 

It's "kettle" not "cattle."  If you weigh six hundred pounds with hooves that are hell on the carpet, then that is always going to be a social hurdle.  

 

Does that make the saying more sensible, the pot calling the kettle black?  Tho', nobody cooks over a sooty wood flame any more, have no idea where the saying originated, so it could be any two words at all, which ends up being racist without knowing why.  Language, aaargghh!--I see why math is attractive.

 

I AM NOT RACIST, HALF OF MY FRIENDS ARE KETTLES! lol. I also love to substitute "things" with "sing", "where" with "were". I need to work on my grammar, but whining takes to much energy. XD

 

---

 

I will try to find friends on this boards, I have no Idea how, but it is best place to start.

[violet]

I think it's good to consider why you want friends. A lot of people have acquaintances that they calls friends, but they're really just interchangeable people required for certain social situations. And that's fine if that's your goal. Lots of people are looking for this type of low-maintenance friend, so I think you just have to be open to it.

 

I don't think it's possible to have a lot of "real" friends. Those relationships require some effort to build and maintain. Again, I think you just have to pay attention to people around you and be open to attempting friendships with the ones you like. It doesn't mean they'll like you, but some will.