Non aggression principle making me seem weak

[utopian]

I feel like most of my life, I have followed NAP in some form. It was always better for me to not antagonize or be noticed. I could get more done without people dragging on me, do things better without the bureaucracy of antagonism getting people in my way.

 

 

 

And it has always seemed to be the case, that just because I do not agress, that people seem to think that this means I am easy to push around. To the contrary, I am a fairly dangerous person, trained in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, with several amateur fights on my record. I have some recorded. I won plenty. Despite this, I never actually "lost it" during any fights. I never attacked anyone with murderous intent. Only once in my life have I ever come close to being like that, and I stopped myself. I looked into that void, the reality of crossing the line. I saw myself doing it. It scared me. It scared me, of myself. Because what I saw when I did once come that close, was that it seemed like I was going to enjoy permanently hurting someone. I never did this of course, I had enough self discipline not to cross that line. I still creep myself out, knowing I have these natural violent instincts dormant inside me. Like having a lion for a pet.

 

 

 

Despite all this, I have gone my whole life without ever actually losing it. If agressed upon, I defend myself. But aggression is not just physical. It can be something as simple as someone at work trying to tell me what to do, as if they are in charge of me. In this case, I tend to consider if what they are telling me is in fact good for the cause of running the business. I may or may not do it in pursuit of that goal, but it's not because my co-worker told me to, it's because I want to get the job done. Otherwise, I usually ignore whoever might be talking. I see no need to antagonize. Except when people do not seem to get that they are being ignored, despite all their noise making. I might not mind, except when these people go on making their noise, despite me going on about my business, other people seem to adopt this mindset that they can also tell me anything they want. It seems to compound upon itself. It seems like people think I am weak, when they have no idea they are working next to a dangerous wild animal.

 

 

 

There are more examples but I don't want to turn this into an essay. It just seems that wherever I pursue the NAP, I seem weak, and people try to take advantage of me, only to whine and get mad when they find they cant. I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this, and what they did about it.

[dsayers]

I feel like most of my life, I have followed NAP in some form.

In this thread you claimed that people don't have a choice but to initiate the use of force.

 

I think I sympathize with what you're saying though. I remember having similar thoughts after I started carrying a gun. I was delivering pizzas at the time, so I drove as if I actually wanted to reach my destination. This led to some people honking at me. I always chuckled that if they knew I had a firearm on me, would they behave so provocatively?

[David Ottinger]

I have come across many people who have mistaken my kindness for weakness, especially women, but I take neither responsibility for their arrogance nor for their emotional reaction for their assumptions.  If they see me as weak and try to manipulate me, then I'm thankful that they showed me their character.  It makes it a lot easier for me to discover who is worth associating with.  Although, this may be in some part my own arrogance talking which is a defense mechanism in and of itself because there is a such a thing as being nice insofar as to be manipulative.  This is something that is more of a concern for me at this point because am I being nice simply to avoid rejection/conflict?  Am I wearing a mask of platitudes to conceal myself from others?  Of course, in the past I didn't see this "threat" of rejection this way because I was unaware of that possibility, or rather I lied to myself about its nature as I viewed  it as though I didn't care if others rejected me.  That's what I literally told myself.  I went further into hardening my position by entertaining how dangerous I can be, especially if this anger within me was unleashed.   My martial arts training is something to be reckoned with as well.  Thus, I also have the fear of hurting someone, not that I would.  I just know that such an outcome is a real possibility. 

 

But, here is the thing: Why am I worried that a mere social disagreement or a disagreement of core values is going to lead to war? 

 

Is it my own anger I'm afraid of?  Or, is the environment already Machiavellian in nature that my kindness keeps me neutral?  i.e. If I assert myself, will I make enemies, thus provoking threats in the environment to focus on me?  And, should they focus on me, how far will this disagreement go?  Will it become a feud?  Worse, will it become a blood bath?

 

 

Overall, what is going on in your environment and/or within yourself that is causing you to anticipate a threat thereby triggering thoughts of fighting? 

[Will Torbald]

But aggression is not just physical. It can be something as simple as someone at work trying to tell me what to do, as if they are in charge of me.

 

 

What if we called these little aggressions of people just talking to each other, say, "microaggressions"? It's a catchy name. Sorry, but I just can't see that as an aggression. Define it as physical intimidation, or physical harm, but the kind of mental and verbal games is just emotional baggage. Yes, people are authoritarian to others, but learn to deflect it and not take it as an offense.

[utopian]

 

In this thread you claimed that people don't have a choice but to initiate the use of force.

 

I think I sympathize with what you're saying though. I remember having similar thoughts after I started carrying a gun. I was delivering pizzas at the time, so I drove as if I actually wanted to reach my destination. This led to some people honking at me. I always chuckled that if they knew I had a firearm on me, would they behave so provocatively?

 

I apologize for not completing my thought in that thread, but what I was getting at was more in line with self defense. The state forces itself on me. I can't do anything about it, but if I have to deal with it, the least they can do is gimme some free stuff. 

 

I am still working on that answer. Steph touched on it in this video;

 

Where he naively assumes the answer to corporate automation that squashes the little guy, is charity. Anyone paying attention to big picture economics knows that's not whats happening. I am still working on this complete answer. Gimme some time. 

 

As for the gun, yea, it's like that, people want to treat you one way until they realize they shouldnt, but by then it's too late. It seems the majority of people are two faced like this. I wish it did not have to be this way.

 

 

 

 

Overall, what is going on in your environment and/or within yourself that is causing you to anticipate a threat thereby triggering thoughts of fighting? 

 

Well to continue the work example, there is this one guy who likes to pick on guys smaller than him. His name was Al. He did start out trying to mess with me. For the most part I ignored him, until one day he came within inches of putting his hands on me. I said nothing, simply looked him straight in the eye with clear, pissed off, murderous intent. He walked away, though he still liked to talk trash on occasion. I told my managers what had happened. This individual also went so far as to put his hands on another coworker of mine, trying to pull him outside for a "talk". I got right in the side of his face and told him we need to get back to work. 

 

That's just one guy, long story short is I do not "microagress" and others at work do, some seemingly violent, some not. And it seems that because I do not microagress, others feel I can be targeted for these microagressions. 

 

What if we called these little aggressions of people just talking to each other, say, "microaggressions"? It's a catchy name. Sorry, but I just can't see that as an aggression. Define it as physical intimidation, or physical harm, but the kind of mental and verbal games is just emotional baggage. Yes, people are authoritarian to others, but learn to deflect it and not take it as an offense.

 

I am not quite sure I understand what you are trying to say, are you suggesting it is OK to do this? I mean, there is the guy who tells me to do something because it will help us run the business better. That is not the guy I am worried about. The guy I am worried about, is the guy telling me to do things, because he does not want to do the work, and he wants to push it on other people, and wants to seem like he is in charge enough to do so, though he has no management position. That is what I have a problem with. I don't do that to others. 

[AccuTron]

"Am I wearing a mask of platitudes to conceal myself from others? "

 

This statement of course can take off in many directions.  What came to my mind was Nature.  Aside from peacocks and the like, most animals try to conceal, starting with their own skins and fur.  This could translate to "Am I wearing a mask of platitudes to conceal myself from dangers?"  An animal minimizing it's dealing with outside dangers can better and more efficiently take care of itself.

[Mister Mister]

utopian, is it fair to say, that what you mean is that, in situations where there is conflict or the potential for conflict, if you don't escalate and try to dominate, intimidate, manipulate, etc...you feel weak and powerless?

[A4E]

It can be something as simple as someone at work trying to tell me what to do, as if they are in charge of me. In this case, I tend to consider if what they are telling me is in fact good for the cause of running the business. I may or may not do it in pursuit of that goal, but it's not because my co-worker told me to, it's because I want to get the job done. Otherwise, I usually ignore whoever might be talking.

 

I used to absolutely HATE when I am about to do something, or will do it in 5-15 minutes, and someone tells me to do it, or tells me that I should do it. Because then I would torture myself with, that if I do it now, it will look like I am too retarded to not think about doing it myself, AND that I am their slave.

 

It was really painful, and could last for half an hour if I remember correctly, and could make me postpone the thing so as to not make it seem like I am their slave.

 

Now I just say "yes, I am going to." or something like that. I don't think I self torture about it anymore. I believe the reason that I did not say anything before in my life, was that I thought it would look like I was lying to try to make it look like I had the same plan. See how screwed up that is?  I guess I was much more of a mess before than I was aware. (I was still eating a pharmaceutical though)

 

How are you able to just ignore it when people tell you to do something if it happens to correlate with your plan? I find that hard to believe, considering what I went through when it happened to me.

[shirgall]

What makes us better than the other animals is our ability to adapt, and of of the most successful adaptations is our ability to communicate ideas that promote mutual gain, rather than using force to take what we want. This is the core ability that has led us to such an amazing lifestyle in so short a time.

 

The NAP captures this fairly succinctly. It is not a show of weakness it is a restatement of our strengths.

[Will Torbald]

 

 

 

 

 

 

I apologize for not completing my thought in that thread, but what I was getting at was more in line with self defense. The state forces itself on me. I can't do anything about it, but if I have to deal with it, the least they can do is gimme some free stuff.

 

I am still working on that answer. Steph touched on it in this video;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiwfTxVgI24

 

Where he naively assumes the answer to corporate automation that squashes the little guy, is charity. Anyone paying attention to big picture economics knows that's not whats happening. I am still working on this complete answer. Gimme some time.

 

As for the gun, yea, it's like that, people want to treat you one way until they realize they shouldnt, but by then it's too late. It seems the majority of people are two faced like this. I wish it did not have to be this way.

 

 

 

 

Well to continue the work example, there is this one guy who likes to pick on guys smaller than him. His name was Al. He did start out trying to mess with me. For the most part I ignored him, until one day he came within inches of putting his hands on me. I said nothing, simply looked him straight in the eye with clear, pissed off, murderous intent. He walked away, though he still liked to talk trash on occasion. I told my managers what had happened. This individual also went so far as to put his hands on another coworker of mine, trying to pull him outside for a "talk". I got right in the side of his face and told him we need to get back to work.

 

That's just one guy, long story short is I do not "microagress" and others at work do, some seemingly violent, some not. And it seems that because I do not microagress, others feel I can be targeted for these microagressions.

 

 

I am not quite sure I understand what you are trying to say, are you suggesting it is OK to do this? I mean, there is the guy who tells me to do something because it will help us run the business better. That is not the guy I am worried about. The guy I am worried about, is the guy telling me to do things, because he does not want to do the work, and he wants to push it on other people, and wants to seem like he is in charge enough to do so, though he has no management position. That is what I have a problem with. I don't do that to others.

That guy sounds like a douchebag, but I don't see how that relates to the NAP. It's not "immoral" to be bossy to mask laziness, even if it's wrong. Deal with him, is what I say.

[dsayers]

What makes us better than the other animals is our ability to adapt, and of of the most successful adaptations is our ability to communicate ideas that promote mutual gain, rather than using force to take what we want. This is the core ability that has led us to such an amazing lifestyle in so short a time.

 

The NAP captures this fairly succinctly. It is not a show of weakness it is a restatement of our strengths.

I've been thinking about this ever since I read it. It's helped me to better address the topic in my own mind, so thank you for that. Over the last decade, I've thought a lot about how most of the things it's become fashionable to rail against can be summed up by the word progress. These people tend to be anti-progress in ways that have very real anti-human manifestations.

 

It also reminds me of the pop quiz Bill Whittle gave to Stef in their recent conversation. The one where he asks Stef what animal has the fastest land speed record, which animal can soar the highest, which animal has been the deepest in the sea. The answer to all is human. He goes on to point out how we can eat anything and so on. I wonder if this attack on man's evolution to the top of the food chain is assaulted with such vehemence as the result of the State's assault on the concept of "individual" for the betterment of its own prosperity and growth. Seems like a fair conclusion. What do you think?

[J. D. Stembal]

It seems like people think I am weak, when they have no idea they are working next to a dangerous wild animal.

 

It is safe to assume that they can see the fear and uncertainty within you, which is why they target you.

[utopian]

 

 An animal minimizing it's dealing with outside dangers can better and more efficiently take care of itself.

 

Interesting, but what are you trying to say here?

 

utopian, is it fair to say, that what you mean is that, in situations where there is conflict or the potential for conflict, if you don't escalate and try to dominate, intimidate, manipulate, etc...you feel weak and powerless?

That... might be what I am trying to say. I may not have the entire definition for what I am getting at. When potential conflict arises, I tend to ignore it and go about my business, unless I think it can be resolved peacefully and reasonably. My ignoring/not antagonizing of the situation seems to get people to believe they can continue to act as they have been, as if they do not realize they are not getting anywhere. What is more, is other people see this, and sometimes follow suit. The problem tends to manifest in bad ways. 

 

How are you able to just ignore it when people tell you to do something if it happens to correlate with your plan? I find that hard to believe, considering what I went through when it happened to me.

 

I might not ignore it, I might say something like "sure, but I would like if you asked nicely next time."

 

What makes us better than the other animals is our ability to adapt, and of of the most successful adaptations is our ability to communicate ideas that promote mutual gain, rather than using force to take what we want. This is the core ability that has led us to such an amazing lifestyle in so short a time.

 

The NAP captures this fairly succinctly. It is not a show of weakness it is a restatement of our strengths.

 

While I agree with this, the problem I have is with people who don't think about such things so intelligently. One guy at work will try to boss me around as if I will do it because he thinks he intimidates me. I might do it because I think it achieves my goals, or I might ignore him, leaving him to try to boss me around later, never understanding he is being ignored. This seems to be producing a surface level image of weakness for me.

 

 

That guy sounds like a douchebag, but I don't see how that relates to the NAP. It's not "immoral" to be bossy to mask laziness, even if it's wrong. Deal with him, is what I say.

That... does not make sense to me. What's the difference between being immoral and being wrong?

 

 

It is safe to assume that they can see the fear and uncertainty within you, which is why they target you.

 

I am curious as to what makes you say this. There is something I fear and am uncertain of in any situation regarding other people, though it is not necessarily physical. I fear social situations. I had a rough upbringing with two crazy parents who taught me all kinds of wrong. I am near 30 and am still sorting things out. I do not always know how to conduct myself properly in social situations. Is this the fear and uncertainty people sense in me, I wonder? Perhaps it is manifesting itself physically, and people see it. I think it must be; I don't even initiate interactions, generally. 

[Des]

I am curious as to what makes you say this. There is something I fear and am uncertain of in any situation regarding other people, though it is not necessarily physical. I fear social situations. I had a rough upbringing with two crazy parents who taught me all kinds of wrong. I am near 30 and am still sorting things out. I do not always know how to conduct myself properly in social situations. Is this the fear and uncertainty people sense in me, I wonder? Perhaps it is manifesting itself physically, and people see it. I think it must be; I don't even initiate interactions, generally. 

 

I have a tip: When you speak, speak loudly (and slowly enough to make the words clear). The process of speaking that way conveys confidence and builds the confidence inside you. I'm saying don't allow yourself to mumble or rush through what you say. No need to say more than you were planning to say, just make loud and clear what you do say. Start from when you are introduced or when you introduce yourself, then the first impression is built. Repeat the name of the person you meet, say your own name clearly (yes, my good friend/manager/cousin Linda is of course right, I am Jonathan Doestoevsky).

 

I speak loudly because a grandfather of mine had severe hearing loss, so that is just how I speak, trained from early years.

[shirgall]

I have a tip: When you speak, speak loudly (and slowly enough to make the words clear). The process of speaking that way conveys confidence and builds the confidence inside you. I'm saying don't allow yourself to mumble or rush through what you say. No need to say more than you were planning to say, just make loud and clear what you do say. Start from when you are introduced or when you introduce yourself, then the first impression is built. Repeat the name of the person you meet, say your own name clearly (yes, my good friend/manager/cousin Linda is of course right, I am Jonathan Doestoevsky).

 

I speak loudly because a grandfather of mine had severe hearing loss, so that is just how I speak, trained from early years.

 

This is indeed important. In fact merely standing like you are confident (picture someone you feel is acting confident and stand like they do... like Superman's pose if you like) can make you *feel* more confident when you are speaking. When I have to give a speech to a room of people I have to do this lest I melt into the carpet. I'm not generally an outgoing person.

I've been thinking about this ever since I read it. It's helped me to better address the topic in my own mind, so thank you for that. Over the last decade, I've thought a lot about how most of the things it's become fashionable to rail against can be summed up by the word progress. These people tend to be anti-progress in ways that have very real anti-human manifestations.

 

It also reminds me of the pop quiz Bill Whittle gave to Stef in their recent conversation. The one where he asks Stef what animal has the fastest land speed record, which animal can soar the highest, which animal has been the deepest in the sea. The answer to all is human. He goes on to point out how we can eat anything and so on. I wonder if this attack on man's evolution to the top of the food chain is assaulted with such vehemence as the result of the State's assault on the concept of "individual" for the betterment of its own prosperity and growth. Seems like a fair conclusion. What do you think?

 

I appreciate your kind words.

 

I have often thought that some people are pretty miserable so they rail against any invention, including fire, as a step in the wrong direction. They go on one camping trip and they latch onto the idea that "everyone could be so much more simple". I wonder how miserable they would be "living off the grid" without access to an REI, and after a three day power outage in a population center.

[Sima]

yes, i have the same problem, people decide i'm running away because im scared of their power, 

when in fact, i'm ignoring them. Then they feel like they can bully mean, do gossiping,

and i think most of the time that they are idiots. 

And i constantly crave that i could say straight in their faces: do you like to be so mean to me? Is it very pleasurable for you?

 

But what is the point to talk to apes?

[shirgall]

Some timely advice:

 

http://lifehacker.com/top-10-tips-to-work-a-room-like-a-champ-1743564696

[David Ottinger]

Well to continue the work example, there is this one guy who likes to pick on guys smaller than him. His name was Al. He did start out trying to mess with me. For the most part I ignored him, until one day he came within inches of putting his hands on me. I said nothing, simply looked him straight in the eye with clear, pissed off, murderous intent. He walked away, though he still liked to talk trash on occasion. I told my managers what had happened. This individual also went so far as to put his hands on another coworker of mine, trying to pull him outside for a "talk". I got right in the side of his face and told him we need to get back to work. 

 

That's just one guy, long story short is I do not "microagress" and others at work do, some seemingly violent, some not. And it seems that because I do not microagress, others feel I can be targeted for these microagressions. 

 

 

So, I'm struggling to figure out what outcome you desire here.  There are a few possibilities that come to mind:  (1) You want others to acknowledge you're strong; (2) You do not want people challenging you; and (3) you want the ability to address these issues in a non-violent way.

 

Do any or all of them fit?

[utopian]

Thanks for the advice everybody, I am considering it all.

 

So, I'm struggling to figure out what outcome you desire here.  There are a few possibilities that come to mind:  (1) You want others to acknowledge you're strong; (2) You do not want people challenging you; and (3) you want the ability to address these issues in a non-violent way.

 

Do any or all of them fit?

 

Well number 1 would be an interesting ego stroke, but is not necessary. It's more about number 2 and 3.

[Carl Green]

But aggression is not just physical. It can be something as simple as someone at work trying to tell me what to do, as if they are in charge of me. In this case, I tend to consider if what they are telling me is in fact good for the cause of running the business. I may or may not do it in pursuit of that goal, but it's not because my co-worker told me to, it's because I want to get the job done. Otherwise, I usually ignore whoever might be talking.....

 

Ignoring someone trying to tell you do something wouldn't be 'filtered through the NAP', because it's not really an action. It's more of an non-action. If your response was to engage the person and communicate with them, how you went about doing that would be what the NAP is used for.

 

Not to say you should try to RTR with the jerk and try to become best friends, but there are ways to get across to someone that you're not one to be bothered in such a way.

 

Basically, it's not NAP making you look weak, it's inaction causing that.

[Sima]

Maybe we should rename the topic: Can one use self defense against emotional or psychological violence? When to leave is not a possibility? And what options are for this kind of self defence? 

 

 

Leveling , they are putting themselves up on your expense:   ''But aggression is not just physical. It can be something as simple as someone at work trying to tell me what to do, as if they are in charge of me.''

 

 

[Kurtis]

This is indeed important. In fact merely standing like you are confident (picture someone you feel is acting confident and stand like they do... like Superman's pose if you like) can make you *feel* more confident when you are speaking. When I have to give a speech to a room of people I have to do this lest I melt into the carpet. I'm not generally an outgoing person.

 

 

I think this may have been posted in another thread, but I think it's worth repeating here.  Having a power pose (or the opposite) does have real effects in our bodies/minds.  

 

From a Ted Talk on this subject: 

 

"Body language affects how others see us, but it may also change how we see ourselves. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy shows how "power posing" -- standing in a posture of confidence, even when we don't feel confident -- can affect testosterone and cortisol levels in the brain, and might even have an impact on our chances for success."

 

[dsayers]

Maybe we should rename the topic: Can one use self defense against emotional or psychological violence? When to leave is not a possibility? And what options are for this kind of self defence? 

 

 

Leveling , they are putting themselves up on your expense:   ''But aggression is not just physical. It can be something as simple as someone at work trying to tell me what to do, as if they are in charge of me.''

The parent-child and slave-master are the only human relationship configurations where leaving is realistically not an option. I think before you can ask if once can use self-defense against emotional or psychological violence, you'd have to ask if there's such a thing as emotional or psychological violence. Personally, I define violence as the initiation of the use of force. However, most people I've spoken with define violence as physical force (regardless of moral consideration). I think in order for something non-physical to be considered aggression, it would have to be in the form of a credible threat. Can you think of a different example?

 

Part of the reason why my most established abuser is somebody I would describe as sophisticated is that he's very good at doing things like stating opinion as fact, using verbal assertion to try and override reality, etc. While he's certainly capable of credible threats with his words and his body language, when not enraged, he's very good at overplaying his will without it actually qualifying as aggression. So my bias would incentivize me to agree that "aggression is not just physical." Yet I think that in order for something non-physical to be aggression, it would have to be a credible threat. I'm open to the possibility that this isn't accurate of course.

[Anuojat]

The parent-child and slave-master are the only human relationship configurations where leaving is realistically not an option. I think before you can ask if once can use self-defense against emotional or psychological violence, you'd have to ask if there's such a thing as emotional or psychological violence. Personally, I define violence as the initiation of the use of force. However, most people I've spoken with define violence as physical force (regardless of moral consideration). I think in order for something non-physical to be considered aggression, it would have to be in the form of a credible threat. Can you think of a different example?

 

Part of the reason why my most established abuser is somebody I would describe as sophisticated is that he's very good at doing things like stating opinion as fact, using verbal assertion to try and override reality, etc. While he's certainly capable of credible threats with his words and his body language, when not enraged, he's very good at overplaying his will without it actually qualifying as aggression. So my bias would incentivize me to agree that "aggression is not just physical." Yet I think that in order for something non-physical to be aggression, it would have to be a credible threat. I'm open to the possibility that this isn't accurate of course.

 

Would lowering ones job performance and thus salary trough making workplace experience miserable be a threat then?

Especially if the person knows and shows his willingless to unneccerily to boss you around or bemean you thus introducing distractions to workplace.

[dsayers]

Would lowering ones job performance and thus salary trough making workplace experience miserable be a threat then?

Am I reading this correctly that you're talking about person X lowering person Y's performance? Can you make a rational case for X being more responsible for Y's behaviors than Y is? This is assuming that X and Y are co-workers, not boss and subordinate.

[J. D. Stembal]

I am curious as to what makes you say this. There is something I fear and am uncertain of in any situation regarding other people, though it is not necessarily physical. I fear social situations. I had a rough upbringing with two crazy parents who taught me all kinds of wrong. I am near 30 and am still sorting things out. I do not always know how to conduct myself properly in social situations. Is this the fear and uncertainty people sense in me, I wonder? Perhaps it is manifesting itself physically, and people see it. I think it must be; I don't even initiate interactions, generally. 

 

I empathize with you as I also have terrible parents, and fear social situations. Sometime, I have trouble initiating conversations with people I know. If you are imagining violent confrontations with people around you, even at work, it changes your body language, demeanor and mannerisms. People will sense your fear, and attack it, or flee from it.

 

In the past year, I've learned that by simply changing my inner dialogue, I can affect the way people react to me in public. If I'm anxious, troubled, nervous, or angry, people sense it and refuse to engage me. If I'm having a great day, and the world tastes sweet on my lips, perfect strangers will chat me up. It's very chillingly obvious when you think about it, but still seems a bit like magic.

 

It's not so much about the work, or your co-workers, but it's about you and what you are experiencing inside. If you go into work dreading another day of feeling this way, everyone will know without exactly knowing how they know it. If you go in with the mindset that you are going to kick ass, and be the best employee you can be, I guarantee that people will treat you differently.

[Carl Green]

In the past year, I've learned that by simply changing my inner dialogue, I can affect the way people react to me in public. If I'm anxious, troubled, nervous, or angry, people sense it and refuse to engage me. If I'm having a great day, and the world tastes sweet on my lips, perfect strangers will chat me up. It's very chillingly obvious when you think about it, but still seems a bit like magic.

 

I think similarly to "You are what you eat", "You think/feel how you talk" (internally, audibly, and physically)

[Sima]

well, i have a co worker, a woman,  she is 29 yo, but is very thin (maybe anorexic), talks often with a little girls voice (with males) and is apparently very nice and sweet, and very flirty, hugging a different colleague male once in a while, sometimes really gross old guys. But... when i am next to her i feel this anger coming in huge waves from her. Once in a while she gives this anger to colleagues, who become very irritated and hostile towards each other, but they dont know why. They choose a scapegoat ant start pouring that toxic emotions on that colleague (sometimes its me, because i am a foreigner), or another shy guy. She is just spraying this anger, and nobody sees, but its so difficult for me to be next to her. What is more, she recently broke up with her long term boyfriend, who was a cocaine addict and beat her.

I kinda understand that she probably was molested as a child (that little girls voice), but how can someone very sensitive to other people emotions ignore that anger? How to save myself and not to get involved? I know it has to do something with my weak bond with my parents, when i didnt learn to block myself from other people emotions. Anyone knows any literature or podcasts on that? How to stay sane while being around crazy people?

[shirgall]

well, i have a co worker, a woman,  she is 29 yo, but is very thin (maybe anorexic), talks often with a little girls voice (with males) and is apparently very nice and sweet, and very flirty, hugging a different colleague male once in a while, sometimes really gross old guys. But... when i am next to her i feel this anger coming in huge waves from her. Once in a while she gives this anger to colleagues, who become very irritated and hostile towards each other, but they dont know why. They choose a scapegoat ant start pouring that toxic emotions on that colleague (sometimes its me, because i am a foreigner), or another shy guy. She is just spraying this anger, and nobody sees, but its so difficult for me to be next to her. What is more, she recently broke up with her long term boyfriend, who was a cocaine addict and beat her.

I kinda understand that she probably was molested as a child (that little girls voice), but how can someone very sensitive to other people emotions ignore that anger? How to save myself and not to get involved? I know it has to do something with my weak bond with my parents, when i didnt learn to block myself from other people emotions. Anyone knows any literature or podcasts on that? How to stay sane while being around crazy people?

 

Sounds like an emotional vampire. Consider http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Vampires-Dealing-Revised-Expanded-ebook/dp/B0087OUIM6/

 

Anger is a component: http://markmanson.net/are-you-an-emotional-vampire

[Kurtis]

 

I kinda understand that she probably was molested as a child (that little girls voice)

 

Severe trauma can arrest the mental development of the child victim and lock the voice in at the age they were when the abuse occurred/began. 

This seems to be most noticeable in females who suffered sexual abuse.

 How to stay sane while being around crazy people?

 

 

Work on understanding and implementing boundaries.  For me therapy was the most helpful for this; understanding how I had grown up without boundaries at the hands of my emotionally manipulative mother.  

 

http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/3032/economic-determinism-weekend-at-bernie-sanders-call-in-show-july-22nd-2015   (second call is on boundaries)