I think I am a sociopath

[utopian]

Thanks to some of your posts on here, as well as some self reflection, I started doing some looking into the definition of a sociopath, and I think I might be one. One of the more simpler websites describing a sociopath is here;

 

http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

 

Of the 15 bullet points in the first section, I feel like thirteen of them describe me, and that is only because some of them I gave half a point to. Of the "Other related qualities" I feel like I identify with about ten.

 

 

 

This does not exactly surprise me. I have always had a sense that there was something wrong with me. I had a horrendous childhood with two insane parents. I have always felt a sense of being alone my whole life, that I could trust no one, and never would be able to. I have lived most of my life alone and trying to avoid people. I have always had a sense that it would always be this way. I have had a sense of depression my whole life, and always thought about killing myself. I am still depressed, but no longer sad, if that makes sense. Just bored of life, tired with it, ready for it to be over. I live only for the next moment of enjoyment, which I know is possible. The day it is not, I am ready to die. I always need excitement. I always need an adrenaline rush. If I am not getting it, well, there is just no point in life for me. 

 

 

 

I have also read that sociopaths tend to be high functioning. I feel I have always identified with this. I like complex things like programming, in depth chess strategies, the manipulations of the federal reserve and all it's implications. I recognized somewhere along the line that the people I admire in these realms and others also tend to be sociopaths, and while I might be disgusted by them, I also admire and respect them. What hurts me most about this area is that I try to talk to people about these things that I am so interested in, and no one ever wants to talk about it. No one ever seems interested in it, and often do not seem to have the mental capacity to comprehend it. I find myself wanting to "pull the plug" on the state, because I think it would kill off many of these people. 

 

 

 

 

On that note, what seems to hurt me the most, is my incapacity for proper emotions, and inability to love. I fantasize about loving and being loved. Nothing and no one ever seems to be capable of it to me, or worth my investment, much less care or consideration. Indeed, perhaps the woman does not exist that can give me the love that I need. My logic seems to be undeniable. It is supported, any time one of my co worker's girlfriends cheats on him, or an old friend's girlfriend tricks him into pregnancy. My answer was always to simply play bitches for the gold diggers they are, and never give any of them their hearts. While this answer has indeed kept me from the dangers of women who seem to be much more prevalent then they would ever admit, I have existed in an inhuman state of loneliness which no other human I have met ever seems to have been able to consider. I am almost 30, and have never had a relationship, though I have had some friends with benefits and such. I fear by the time I figure myself out, it will be too late for it to make a difference as far as having a relationship. 

 

 

 

I am not quite sure what this means for me, in it's entirety. I do believe, however, that I am on a right path, one of the hallmarks being my presence on this forum, considering moral philosophy. I feel I have no real friends among you, and that it is likely that none of you will invest any time significant enough to make a difference for me. I hope I am wrong, but I am not sure I would know it. I am hoping I am able to develop myself well enough to have a relationship that makes me feel not alone. Otherwise, I feel like I am simply continuing to exist to enjoy my next high in whatever form that might be, while being ready to die.

[A4E]

That is an intense post.

 

I had a thought while reading the link, that if it is genetical and frequent in the human population, then I would argue that it is not a disorder.

 

Hmm I guess I have to put that opinion on hold, since a disorder can be defined wildly. Here is the wiki page.

 

What I ment was that it would be normal throughout the human population.

[dsayers]

I commend that you're open to the possibility, can be open about it, and understand where it would've come from.

 

There was times in my life where a lot of what you said could've described me also. I wondered if I was a sociopath, I felt like I didn't fit in, I wasn't suicidal, but was ready for it all to be over just the same. When I started studying philosophy and pursuing self-knowledge, this concern of mine became greater because of what I've learned about empathy needing to form during our formative years. I was relieved (and not surprised given how much better my first few years alive were compared to the rest) to realize I DID have empathy. In fact, I've seen it flourish once I cut out all the bullshit that got piled on top of it.

 

I don't have any answers for you. But I did want to point out that it seems as if the possibility disturbs you. As long as this thread isn't a sociopathy-fueled attempt to manipulate others, I would say that it is a sign of potential empathy.

 

Indeed, perhaps the woman does not exist that can give me the love that I need.

Not to project my experiences onto you, but I wanted to highlight this as this was one of my biggest blind spots. Much later in life I learned that I had been seeking out unconditional, all-consuming love from my girlfriends. In other words, I was looking to get the love a child needs from a parent, as I never got that parental love (beyond maybe age 3-4). The problem is that the parent-child relationship is the only time you can/should get that sort of love. Later in life, pair-bonding is between equals. This dynamic never occurred to me and I became very destructive to my relationships as I started to place this burden onto them. Worst part is that I didn't realize at the time the impossibility of my expectations. As a result, I saw relationship after relationship burned to the ground. So consistently that I accepted I was constant in the equations, but had absolutely no idea where to go from there to stop it from happening. So I all but withdrew from dating at all, to avoid hurting anybody. Which ended up hurting me.

 

As I'm sure you're aware, while I was responsible for the in the moment decisions I made that were harmful to my relationships, my approach and mindset were the responsibility of my parents. Who not only broke their promise to protect and nurture me, but also modeled manipulation, subjugation, etc.

 

Again assuming this thread isn't meant to artificially disarm others, I thank you for reaching out in this regard.

[Understand]

 

I have always had a sense that there was something wrong with me. I had a horrendous childhood with two insane parents. I have always felt a sense of being alone my whole life, that I could trust no one, and never would be able to. I have lived most of my life alone and trying to avoid people

[Sima]

the problem about looking for virtuous people at work is: what do you do when there are none of virtuous people? You still have to be with them every day. What if they will notice that you are virtuous when they are not? They will be attacking you on daily basis.

 

Maybe you can try to meet a virtuous woman outside your work, at a library for example, or some brainy conference?

I am a woman and i met few really good woman, really psychologically healthy. But it was about 5 woman in 30 years.They are there in the world. I think you have a chance to meet one like once in 6 years. They do exist, just i have an idea that they marry earlier, around age of 25, because they are nice, and guys want to marry them, and they want children, and so on.

[neeeel]

I would be wary of self diagnoses. I have noticed that whenever I read descriptions of psychiatric disorders, I always seem to match them. I surely cant have them all! Do you think if a sociopath read the description of a sociopath, he would go "oh, thats me" ? 

[Kurtis]

 

There was times in my life where a lot of what you said could've described me also. I wondered if I was a sociopath, I felt like I didn't fit in, I wasn't suicidal, but was ready for it all to be over just the same. When I started studying philosophy and pursuing self-knowledge, this concern of mine became greater because of what I've learned about empathy needing to form during our formative years. I was relieved (and not surprised given how much better my first few years alive were compared to the rest) to realize I DID have empathy. In fact, I've seen it flourish once I cut out all the bullshit that got piled on top of it.

 

....

 

Not to project my experiences onto you, but I wanted to highlight this as this was one of my biggest blind spots. Much later in life I learned that I had been seeking out unconditional, all-consuming love from my girlfriends. In other words, I was looking to get the love a child needs from a parent, as I never got that parental love (beyond maybe age 3-4). The problem is that the parent-child relationship is the only time you can/should get that sort of love. Later in life, pair-bonding is between equals. This dynamic never occurred to me and I became very destructive to my relationships as I started to place this burden onto them. Worst part is that I didn't realize at the time the impossibility of my expectations. As a result, I saw relationship after relationship burned to the ground. So consistently that I accepted I was constant in the equations, but had absolutely no idea where to go from there to stop it from happening. So I all but withdrew from dating at all, to avoid hurting anybody. Which ended up hurting me.

 

As I'm sure you're aware, while I was responsible for the in the moment decisions I made that were harmful to my relationships, my approach and mindset were the responsibility of my parents. Who not only broke their promise to protect and nurture me, but also modeled manipulation, subjugation, etc.

 

Hi utopian, thank you for your vulnerability and I'm sorry for your suffering. I've been thinking about your post all night and this morning I find dsayers answered you with exactly what I wanted to say (but more eloquently than I could have managed).

 

My experiences seem to be very similar to his and therefore I too can relate to much of what you're describing. The manipulation, the feelings of being alone or different, of being broken. I too often thought I must be a monstrous sociopath.

 

Much like dsayers, philosophy and self knowledge led me on an intense healing journey. It took a couple years and involved some very painful lows, but it is incredible the changes that have resulted.

 

Do you have a therapist? Depression is a very serious situation and if you survive it, you can work your way towards empathy, self love, and happiness. Only then can you really expect to meet a quality woman who will be interested in you.

 

One last note on empathy... it is very common for those that have suffered the most, once they go through the transformative healing process, to become the most empathic and caring people. Because we know how much things can hurt. At the far end of this process you're starting onto, you might be very surprised to find out what you are capable of.

 

If there is anything I can do to help, please just ask.

[Sima]

I was thinking a lot , because your post echos my situation in the way of feeling anger towards unvirtuous people.

 

Here is an idea that you misplace anger as towards general population, which you actually feel towards you parents.

Your parents were mean to you and they ignored you and your interests. You are reliving your childhood pain that your parents always ignored you most loved interests, maybe even mocked them or punished for them?  "What hurts me most about this area is that I try to talk to people about these things that I am so interested in, and no one ever wants to talk about it" 

 

I felt anger towards people stupidity or evilness because i was hoping to fix them ( that actually i was doing with my parents for the last 10 years), but it costed me tremendous effort, it was like putting myself under a storm of attacks just to put a simple idea in their minds. I have to scream aggressively just to put a simple statement out. Otherwise they dont hear and keep bullying around.  That puts me in a huge stress (which is unhealthy).

Like yesterday i had a chat with 3 colleagues, when i was proving that this, this and that is wrong what they do and say. I engaged with them because i wanted to fix them (as if my parents). I actually did it 4 times with different people that day, i was very miserable. There was a lot of shouting, saying im stupid and a bad person. In the end i made them to understand few things, but the price is way to high. Maybe it also has something to do with the fact that people hate, when others are more clever then they are, or when they are pointed out at their mistakes. The conclusion of me and 3 colleagues (2 of them are bullies) came to conclusion which they liked: you dont have to be clever if you have a good hart. There was a nice silence in the room afterwards... But i didn't feel satisfaction i was hoping, there was no happy ending, i was totally shocked. It was no pleasure to have that conversation, they hated me and everything i say. They changed there attitudes afterwards, i started to feel a bit more respect from there side, but its really not worth it, its masochistic on my side.

 

Maybe write down what you really hate in people and make a connection with your parents?

So you can get a view, what your parents did to you to make you suffer?

[utopian]

 

I don't have any answers for you. But I did want to point out that it seems as if the possibility disturbs you. As long as this thread isn't a sociopathy-fueled attempt to manipulate others, I would say that it is a sign of potential empathy.

 

I have what I consider a logical empathy. My coworker was cheated on by his girlfriend recently. I could not identify with his feelings. I could imagine, however, that I would not like that to have happened to me, and that if it did, I would like someone to hang out with and talk to, so I did. I did not know how to treat the situation, and I told him, but I just let him know I was there to do what I could. It's not an empathy of understanding emotions.

 

 

Not to project my experiences onto you, but I wanted to highlight this as this was one of my biggest blind spots.

 

I wouldn't know, there was only one time in my life I ever felt loved from a woman, and I knew there was no future there. I am not sure if I know how to love, or ever will. But also, I don't think women in my area are capable of anything but getting free stuff and never giving anything back. I must assess if this is even a cause I can invest time in. 

 

If you stopped, what would happen?

 

You seem to be intelligent in the forms knowledge of the world, what about yourself?

 

What do you need, do you want advice?

 

Oh if I stopped looking for the next distraction, I would most certainly kill myself. There is nothing else in life. There certainly aren't any caring people. That's probably why I would anyway, because even if it was selfish, there is not anyone I would care about not hurting. There is only me in my life. 

 

I would say I know certain things about myself, but not everything. If I did, I would probably try to fix it. 

 

I am not quite sure what I need, I think I need direction.

 

I would be wary of self diagnoses. I have noticed that whenever I read descriptions of psychiatric disorders, I always seem to match them. I surely cant have them all! Do you think if a sociopath read the description of a sociopath, he would go "oh, thats me" ? 

A psychopath might not, but a sociopath might. Certain people know what they are. Narcissists tend to know they are narcissists. As far as me considering myself as such, I tend to base my observation of more normal people on my coworkers. They all make friends and get along and hang out. I do not. There are other differences I notice. There is undoubtedly something odd going on here with me. 

 

Do you have a therapist? 

No. I have been in and out of therapy my whole life. It has never helped. Only ever taken time and money from me. My best developments have come from my philosophical pursuits. But on some of these journeys, I have discovered I seem to be capable of atrocious things others generally could not consider. 

 

Maybe write down what you really hate in people and make a connection with your parents?

So you can get a view, what your parents did to you to make you suffer?

 

Many things. To my mother, I was just a toy for her to express her feelings of love and motherly ownership upon. To my father I was an annoyance, a bug to be smashed which got in his way and cost him money. I never was a person to either of them, since the day I was born. I think I could go on about this for quite a while. I actually have a decently high IQ. It seems to bother me most when I think that I could have reached an incredible potential if I had parents who wanted to teach me things. Instead I had to learn everything on my own. Indeed, I spend plenty of time of my life trying to unlearn what they taught me. I am not sure if I ever will. 

[dsayers]

I don't think women in my area are capable of anything but getting free stuff and never giving anything back.

On what basis? I can't refute your claim, but as it's collectivizing, it's probably not true.

[Understand]

I would be wary of self diagnoses. I have noticed that whenever I read descriptions of psychiatric disorders, I always seem to match them. I surely cant have them all! Do you think if a sociopath read the description of a sociopath, he would go "oh, thats me" ? 

[AccuTron]

...I am a woman and i met few really good woman, really psychologically healthy. But it was about 5 woman in 30 years.They are there in the world. I think you have a chance to meet one like once in 6 years. They do exist, just i have an idea that they marry earlier, around age of 25, because they are nice, and guys want to marry them, and they want children, and so on.

As an older male, I'd wondered about those very things.  Thanks bunches for putting in print this "insider" information.  Metaphorically, it confirms my suspicion that has been building for years:  "Just sell the skis, it ain't gonna snow again."

[A4E]

Did you ever have a cat or a dog? Even any animal? (small or big), I honestly believe that could be a good new start for you.

 

An animal is guaranteed to not be interested in your bank account, and is just as much capable of love. I know that my cat relationship in my childhood to early adulthood was a very comforting beacon of hope in the every day insanity.

[Sima]

Did you ever have a cat or a dog? Even any animal? (small or big), I honestly believe that could be a good new start for you.

 

An animal is guaranteed to not be interested in your bank account, and is just as much capable of love. I know that my cat relationship in my childhood to early adulthood was a very comforting beacon of hope in the every day insanity.

 

 

 I also had the same idea (wanted to offer, but thought maybe its too weird, or could be difficult to keep a dog, if someone is not at home often).  When i am driving home, after a hard day at work, i usually think about my dog meeting me at home.

[dsayers]

Same could be said for my cat. Animals have always taken to me and I've almost always treated them very well. That said, once I was exposed to the ideas of the power disparities between parent and child (size, dependence, involuntary presence), it allowed me to apply them to my relationship with my cat. It didn't really lead to a change in behavior. Because I had earned her loyalty and affection by always making our interactions about her needs (as able). It's just now, I had a better understanding of why my approach was good and effective.

[Matthew Ed Moran]

"No. I have been in and out of therapy my whole life. It has never helped. Only ever taken time and money from me. My best developments have come from my philosophical pursuits. But on some of these journeys, I have discovered I seem to be capable of atrocious things others generally could not consider."

 

 

 

Utopian, what is your experience with therapists? Why was it not helpful for you? It does not sound like a pleasant or emotionally close experience at all if you say they have only ever taken time and money from you. I'm sorry about that. How did they treat you that you felt this way about therapy?

[Sima]

yes, i agree, like ugly people can work on their appearance and start looking better (do sports, lose weight, change clothing style), irrational people also can change. The best white flags for that are that they went to psychotherapy or like freedomain radio. 

[utopian]

 

On what basis? I can't refute your claim, but as it's collectivizing, it's probably not true.

It is kind of a generalizing statement, but I make it because I find it to be true more often than not. From the moment women expect the man to be the first to say hi first, it's a game they are playing, so they can set the frame as if she is the one worthy of being chased. I'd rather not get into the whole game rn. But I am also an accomplished salsa dancer, and I was surprised to see a lovely young lady come ask me to dance the other day. The fault then rested upon me if I failed to conduct myself properly. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I am working on it. 

 

Did you ever have a cat or a dog? Even any animal? (small or big), I honestly believe that could be a good new start for you.

 

An animal is guaranteed to not be interested in your bank account, and is just as much capable of love. I know that my cat relationship in my childhood to early adulthood was a very comforting beacon of hope in the every day insanity.

 

Actually I do have a dog, a dauschund for 13 years since he was a pup. He is blind now. I will keep him until he suffers, or does not get around well enough. He makes me think I would not be a good parent actually. I am usually gone and/or distant, and he seems to be more lonely than I am. I am so busy lately. I don't have time to play with him any more. He does not seem to care so much about it, as long as he can just sit in my lap while I am on the computer like he is right now. 

 

Utopian, what is your experience with therapists? Why was it not helpful for you? It does not sound like a pleasant or emotionally close experience at all if you say they have only ever taken time and money from you. I'm sorry about that. How did they treat you that you felt this way about therapy?

 

Well, all that ever happened was they would get paid for my sessions, I would talk about what was going on in my life, and nothing ever seemingly got resolved. It seems like none of them seemed to be able to help me any more than I knew how to help myself. 

[labmath2]

Your experience is similar to mine, so i will tell you what is working for me now. I started moving towards short term goals. Things like writing a little idea down. Planning what i need to get done this week or month. Looking for better job. Though its a temporary solution, it helps me feel much better till I can afford to buckle down for self work. All you need is one change at a time and next thing you know, you are looking to reaching that next phase, which makes life suck a lot less.

[VeronicaSantamaria]

A friend of mine has a similar problem, he is not able to feel empathy and he does not feel guilty when he hurts other people. He feels bad when other people hurt him, but he does not feel bad when he hurts others (he never felt it, not even when he was a child), although he generally understands well how others are feeling.

 

I once saw a video about a pshychopath who talked about how it was like being a psychopath and he believed that in most cases there is a genetic predisposition to that, and when you have a terrible childhood (particularly if you were spanked as a baby, which is my friend's case), those genes will be activated.

 

I don't know if your problem can be cured, but if the empathic part of your brain did not develop correctly as I child I think it is very difficult. My friend chose to accept his limitation because he believed that not feeling empathy helps him to make more rational decisions, and he has chosen to be virtuos not because he feels bad if he is not, but because he thinks it is rationallly the best way to act. Other people act virtuosly to avoid the feeling of guilt, however he does it because he thinks it is the best thing to do.

 

However I don't think this is your case, because you really and desperately want to feel empathy and love, and the fact that you can't is making you miserable. I think having empathy is better than not having it, because although it can make you suffer and distort your thinking sometimes, you will be able to have more meaningfull relationships. If I were you I would call Stefan and ask him for help because I don't know how you can develop something that you didn't learn as a child.

 

Also, it is important to understand that if bad things happen to other people, empathic people never feel as bad as if it happened to themselves. They feel a little sorry, but not as bad as if it happened to themselves - it would be crazy if you were able to feel exactly the way they do, you would not be able to live your life!

 

As for your claim that women try to manipulate you when they expect you to take the first step and approach them, let me tell you that you are acting yourself as one of them, because you don't want to talk to them unless they approach you first. So if they are manipulative (which I don't think thet are), you are being manipulative too. I don't know what you are afraid of, being the one that approaches others does not make you less worthy. Imagine that the girl of your dreams is in front of you and you chose not to approach her just because of your past traumas, that would be letting your past win. The gain could be huge if you take the risk, and you don't lose anything. Please don't let your past win.

 

I hope this helped you, please let me know if it didn't.

 

I really want to help you with this.

[Matthew Ed Moran]

I would caution to think people who can understand what other people are feeling are incapable of empathy. Sure, it's possible they can't feel empathy, but what about the environment they are in? The problem is not just childhood, because there is a whole world outside of people who will punish you for feeling empathy, and who will feed off and manipulate your capacity to feel guilty.

 

I would suggest the case study of RAD (Radical Attachment Disorder) children to gain an understanding of how a childhood empanthy is crushed into sand and stepped on, if a child is on the reciving end of repeated abuse. The child will keep his or her heart open only to be continually broken for so long: then, it steps in and becomes its opposite. A RAD child who will never be vulnerable again, and who will avoid empathy at all costs, and respond to vulnerability with violent rage.

 

In some sense I think all victims of abuse are RAD children. Whether our response to abuse is extreme or not (primarily depending on if the abuse is extreme or not), we lose the capacity to empathize whenever our caregivers act to tell us our empathy is not appreciated, or is to be viciously scorned. It is the parents who decide for the child whether empathy is seen as good or bad, and if the child is left in daycare 40 hours a week, or is physically and verbally abused, he will learn quickly that empathy is a terrible, terrifying thing, because empathy is admonished, punished, abused, and manipulated.

 

The thing is, even RAD children have successful (I hear, at least) cases of opening their hearts once again, if they feel sufficiently safe to assume it will be positively percieved by their caregivers. However, they will go back towards rogue if they are not confident in their safety.

 

So the question this brings to mind for me, to what extent are grown adults who want to empathetic, but feel incapable, in situations which would be dangerous for them to feel empathy. Empathy is not always desired, and there are times when empathy should be avoided at all costs. If someone has been a victim of child abuse, besides processing the abuse, they will need to be in a safe enough environment and perhaps have professional guidance to express their empathy. Stefan has duly noted a healthy empathy comes from a self empathy of your own childhood, a mending of wounds, and then an extension of empathy to others we feel trustful in to validate and be curious of.

 

Look up "A Letter by Adam Lanza's Therapist," read by Stefan Molyneux on his Youtube channel, to hear about RAD children. Also, "The Toxicity of Childhood Loneliness" is an interview with the therapist.

[Armitage]

Thanks to some of your posts on here, as well as some self reflection, I started doing some looking into the definition of a sociopath, and I think I might be one. One of the more simpler websites describing a sociopath is here;

 

http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

 

Of the 15 bullet points in the first section, I feel like thirteen of them describe me, and that is only because some of them I gave half a point to. Of the "Other related qualities" I feel like I identify with about ten.

 

This does not exactly surprise me. I have always had a sense that there was something wrong with me. I had a horrendous childhood with two insane parents. I have always felt a sense of being alone my whole life, that I could trust no one, and never would be able to. I have lived most of my life alone and trying to avoid people. I have always had a sense that it would always be this way. I have had a sense of depression my whole life, and always thought about killing myself. I am still depressed, but no longer sad, if that makes sense. Just bored of life, tired with it, ready for it to be over. I live only for the next moment of enjoyment, which I know is possible. The day it is not, I am ready to die. I always need excitement. I always need an adrenaline rush. If I am not getting it, well, there is just no point in life for me. 

It's simpler to say that you are not a sociopath, but accustomed to living and surviving around them. The evidence is, that you are not comfortable and content. Not at all, even though you were not allowed to show it. You can bet that sociopaths display a lot of discontent and complaints whenever there are weaker people and children around.

 

Children are all about survival. Not adapting to conditions means death. Adaptations only have power over us because they are unconscious. But if you want to get conscious of these adaptations, you will have to face the fear of imminent death. Now you are not anxious, but as you poke around your subconsciousness for the unconscious adaptations, you will get progressively more anxious up to the point of a child's mortal terror. That needs to be released and consciously processed. You will have likely to face the mortal terror multiple times, or the other similarly strong negative emotions, the dark triad of Mad, Sad and Scared (exempting Glad).

 

 

I am not quite sure what this means for me, in it's entirety. I do believe, however, that I am on a right path, one of the hallmarks being my presence on this forum, considering moral philosophy. I feel I have no real friends among you, and that it is likely that none of you will invest any time significant enough to make a difference for me. I hope I am wrong, but I am not sure I would know it. I am hoping I am able to develop myself well enough to have a relationship that makes me feel not alone. Otherwise, I feel like I am simply continuing to exist to enjoy my next high in whatever form that might be, while being ready to die. 

This means to you that you need therapy to even realize what is friendship, or what it means not to be alone. I would not be surprised if for you the only alternative to not being alone was with sociopathic parents. If this is how you operate, truly not being alone will make you anxious. Most people like that end a relationship long before they realize something in them is getting anxious.

Friendships and relationships are one of the things that make sense logically. Moral philosophy makes sense logically, so you are attracted to it, but you will need to recover the fundamental logic of relationships.

You will need a good therapist who can do exactly what I described. No psychobabble Freudian bullshit, no halfway defeatist measures of accepting your fate, and no head pills or anti-depressants. You need a fast and true advice to get you quickly to the problem. You will go in the way of the greatest resistance and so you need someone who knows the simplest rules of what is healthy and what is not.

 

You will need to hear very simple truths like  "We want to be around people who are nice to us and do not want to be around people who are nasty to us. If we are threatened into not choosing between people, we shut down all borders, all wanting and rejection, all preference for people." 

"Exchanging gifts and help makes a relationship grow closer. But we do not want to grow closer with evil people. But if we can't get away, the only thing we can do is to stop feeling relationships."

"If we are threatened and powerless, we need to get a lot of power, fast. Some kids choose lying, some are attracted to fire or weapons. Some choose the defense of being the smartest or most grandiose. But no matter what, you can never be smart enough to stop parents from attacking you."

[Spaceballs]

Isn't Grandiose Sense of Self and Parasitic Lifestyle a very important factors? 

 

"horrendous childhood with two insane parents"
You don't seem to have any of them. A narcissic person would've said their parents were beautiful, etc.

[VeronicaSantamaria]

Hi Matthew, thank you for your post, I found it very useful!