Apologizing for abuse

[Trucker]

I was helping raise my niece, I was a big part of her life and I would often punish her with verbal abuse and maybe spanking. I do understand how bad this is now. I feel extremely guilty and regretful of my behavior towards her. She is now 18 and a great kid, extremely smart but with a little scoop of insanity. Our family way of dealing with mistakes and problems are ignoring them. After I discovered philosophy I don't think I can do it anymore. First and biggest thing that I feel I need to do is apologize to my niece for doing this to her. Is that something I can do or explain?

[dsayers]

I would hold off on the explanation. Explanation would be for your benefit and if you want to make it up to her, you have to subjugate yourself to her satisfaction. Perhaps let her know that you've learned how what you've done to her is harmful and that you want to make it up to her.

 

How does she feel? Does she understand that the way you treated her was wrong?

[Trucker]

I wasn't going to explain why I did what I did, I don't need excuses for my actions. Consciously I don't think she does, I think she just blocked that thought just like I do with all that is uncomfortable. I also doubt that she thinks that the way I treated her was wrong. I recently apologized for ignoring her when she was 10 years old. My sister moved to a different city and my niece had no friends. She just said that she forgot about that and it wasn't an issue.

By the way everything I write doesn't sound complete to me when I prof read it, I want to apologize in advance. It's because English is my second language and I work 14-16 hour days so when I get a chance to write is either when I'm really tired or just woke up.

[Kurtis]

Perhaps these couple shows might be helpful if you have not heard them yet:

 

http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/770/abuse-and-restitution

 

http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/1553/restitution

[Trucker]

Thank you