Des Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 No offense, but all these lists just seem like every flaw you could find in anyone. It leaves very little wiggle room for people to work with. Just my opinion. Am I getting it wrong? I understand "red flag" as "dig here, see what is underneath. If it is okay, it is okay". I think "dealbreaker" is the word for: "don't even dig, just run". Mmm. If I pop up a red flag myself, I should probably do the digging and see if I can settle what is under it, before a lover or friend steps on it and triggers it. 1
Lift Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Would you say a red flag = completely avoid dating this person, or just be cautious?
Frederik Posted February 24, 2016 Posted February 24, 2016 "Self-knowledge is about slowing down" - one of the most insightful of Stef's quotes Manipulators tend to want you to rush through your decision making process whenever they're trying to manipulate you into doing something which is in their interest and not in yours. So I'd say feeling rushed when in a woman's presence is a GIANT red flag, especially if you notice correlation between her company and feeling rushed. This is a fantastic thread! Apart from the many great points that have already been made, I may have some suggestions: Lived at her parents' place for a significantly extended amount of time Shows no particular concern for unnecessary suffering or killing of animals Short hair (in my humble opinion, because she does not feel comfortable expressing her femininity) Doesn't engage in regular physical activity and feels comfortable with it Is not very interested in journaling or self-knowledge in general Wears uncomfortable shoes Uses parfume excessively Says she has lots of interests but is unable to prioritize them Social media: Has a ridiculous number of facebook friends Puts particular effort into looking flawless in profile pictures Does not share any original content
shnugwa Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Would you say a red flag = completely avoid dating this person, or just be cautious? It depends on your values and your judgement. If you meet a woman, and she tells you she's into Social Justice and Communism, you know right away those are huge red flags. Now, you can either proceed to spark conversation with her if you find her to be otherwise very rational and virtuous, or you can say to yourself "forget it, she's too far gone". We know the odds of finding a rational, virtuous Communist is next to none. It's up to you to decide if you should proceed with caution or abandon ship. Some red flags are bolder than others, and would merit an immediate disconnect in the relationship. For example, if a woman tells you "I take pleasure in hurting people", that's enough for anyone to know it's time to get the heck out of dodge! 4
Des Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 Lived at her parents' place for a significantly extended amount of time Mmm. there seem to be daughters in some families, parentally prepared to be carers for the time when her parents will be elderly. One of my 5 sisters, for example, and a few of my ex-lovers (from an earlier version of myself). The preparational indoctrination is the problematic part. If a woman really liked her parents so much she wanted to be close with them, that would be another thing - which would not match my past experience. If they don't want her to move fully into her own life, they are dysfunctional, and she is not seeing that.
Frederik Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 The preparational indoctrination is the problematic part. If a woman really liked her parents so much she wanted to be close with them, that would be another thing - which would not match my past experience. If they don't want her to move fully into her own life, they are dysfunctional, and she is not seeing that. Exactly - the one premise that most people will rightly assume in my suggestion is, The likelihood that this woman had virtuous parents that are worth living with is nearly zero. Therefore, the reasons for why she is staying could be a strong family cult, high amounts of manipulation, fear of independence (implies verbal abuse), etc., all of which are almost inevitably dealbreakers for me personally. Everyone around you when you were a child was intergalactically full of shit. ―Stefan Molyneux
Boss Posted February 27, 2016 Posted February 27, 2016 What about their diet? I believe if they eat horribly it may not affect them when they're young but later in life that will change.
kavih Posted March 2, 2016 Author Posted March 2, 2016 So because I, as a guy, fit 8,9,13, and in certain situations 16, I'm not fit to have a relationship? same. Why does it matter if they are a woman? Why does only wanting to "eat healthy", the definition of orthorexia, make them unfit? Have you listened to any of Stef's podcasts on corporal punishment? If so, I'm not really sure what you are doing on these forums. If not, I'd encourage you to do so. I was wondering why making fun of a stranger qualifies. It depends on what your definition of "making fun of" is. I've always heard of and thought of the definition as: teasing someone else in order to mask one's own insecurities. That is a major red flag, whether or not the person they are making fun of is a stranger.
dsayers Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 It depends on what your definition of "making fun of" is. I've always heard of and thought of the definition as: teasing someone else in order to mask one's own insecurities. That is a major red flag, whether or not the person they are making fun of is a stranger. Thanks for that clarification. Yes, directly shaming somebody is problematic. When I read "making fun of," I pictured doing it to strangers, behind their back, for the amusement of you and your partner.
AncapFTW Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 Have you listened to any of Stef's podcasts on corporal punishment? If so, I'm not really sure what you are doing on these forums. If not, I'd encourage you to do so. Stef isn't a deity. He isn't infallible. He can, and has, made mistakes and lets he personal prejudices cloud his judgement. (No, MMD, I don't want to call in and talk about it.) I don't remember his arguments exactly, but even if I don't agree with him, that doesn't mean that I shouldn't be on his forum. If you want to explain his argument to me, then I'll discuss it, but please don't turn this into an "argument from authority" discussion. 1
shirgall Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 Stef isn't a deity. He isn't infallible. He can, and has, made mistakes and lets he personal prejudices cloud his judgement. (No, MMD, I don't want to call in and talk about it.) I don't remember his arguments exactly, but even if I don't agree with him, that doesn't mean that I shouldn't be on his forum. If you want to explain his argument to me, then I'll discuss it, but please don't turn this into an "argument from authority" discussion. He wasn't kicking you out, he was wondering why you would be interested in participation in the forum if you are rejecting the reasoning behind that particular position.
AncapFTW Posted March 2, 2016 Posted March 2, 2016 He wasn't kicking you out, he was wondering why you would be interested in participation in the forum if you are rejecting the reasoning behind that particular position. It was a minor point on a minor topic. Explain what you mean by "corporal punishment". Hitting kids? No, I don't agree with it unless, of course, the kid is doing far worse. If it's a psychotic eight year old shooting a gun at people, then it's a valid form of self-defense. Also, there are cases in which pain is a better option than the alternatives. Some forms of psychosis are actually tied to a lack of or significantly smaller amount of empathetic neurons/neural connections in a person's brain. Physical pain could theoretically be used as a way to train you to sympathize with your victim, and would therefore be a valid form of both rehabilitation and corporal punishment.
mgggb Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 It was a minor point on a minor topic. Explain what you mean by "corporal punishment". Hitting kids? No, I don't agree with it unless, of course, the kid is doing far worse. If it's a psychotic eight year old shooting a gun at people, then it's a valid form of self-defense. Also, there are cases in which pain is a better option than the alternatives. Some forms of psychosis are actually tied to a lack of or significantly smaller amount of empathetic neurons/neural connections in a person's brain. Physical pain could theoretically be used as a way to train you to sympathize with your victim, and would therefore be a valid form of both rehabilitation and corporal punishment. That's a total cop out. No one ever means corporal punishment as a means of self defence against 8 year olds going on a shooting spree or the 1 in a hundred thousand case of psychosis.
David Ottinger Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 Ok, so why is sassy or feisty a red flag? Personally, I like a woman with moxie and a sense of piquant humor. These are the top 12 qualities that are deal breakers for me, and there is a bit overlap in them, but I still see them as specific qualities: Cunty -- this is someone that takes oneself entirely too seriously. I mean to the point where one thinks his/her farts don’t stink. For a female, the stereotypical new wave feminist fits this definition perfectly. e.g. Big Red -- if you know who that is. Controlling -- this ranges from (a) not curious about how you want to live your life, yet always talking about her desires; to, (b) outright trying to tell you how to live. Modern Feminist -- there are some girls that call themselves feminists because it’s the cool thing to do. They get a day pass for the time being. It’s the ones that can’t be reasoned with because it’s part of their identity at this point. They’re just too far down that rabbit hole for me to bother. Snobby -- a girl like this will be shitty to the waitresses or other staff or will constantly remind you how bad someone is or how great they are. Virtue signaling is a common theme here. Racist/Welfare dependency advocate -- this is someone that thinks people are so weak that they need a “social safety net” to survive or progress in life. Venomous tongue -- this is someone that is overly negative day-in and day-out, and at worse destructively critical with the intent of causing emotional harm. Slob -- doesn’t respect their own property by keeping things relatively clean, including one’s own health/diet Victim/Princess mentality -- unprocessed trauma is not what I mean here. Rather, this is someone that actually gets off on playing the victim card or damsel in distress. i.e. Someone who plays the victim card to virtue signal, especially girls who are exploiting men’s desire to protect others. Attention Whore -- this does not refer to someone interested in or enjoys expressing fashion sense or body art (being make-up or tattoos), or is comfortable with being provocative. Rather, this is someone that craves attention whether it’s negative or positive. Drama Queen -- we’re not talking about the girl who expresses anger or frustration after asking you to take out the trash and you obliged, yet is still mad. Instead, we’re talking about the girl who purposely goes out of her way to create conflict. A good example is the girl that tries to make you jealous to see if you love her. Manipulative -- this isn’t the girl that tests the integrity or fortitude of a man, but rather the girl that uses those tests to see what all she can get away with in the future. She will build you up just to knock you down and get off on the power she has over you. Needy -- this is the typical clingy girl who without cause is constantly texting you to make sure you’re still interested and validating her existence, and at worse getting mad or crying when you do not give her attention, especially when you’re reasonably in the middle of something else.
Drew. Posted September 18, 2016 Posted September 18, 2016 Has someone posted, "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best" yet? 'Cause, "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best"
MrVitaminP Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 this is more of a "run as fast as you can" than a red flag but I noticed that several of these red flags point to personality disorders:
Donnadogsoth Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 "Doofus man voice"--when she says something facetious in a low, mock-authoritative voice spun to make it seem like such men are absurd.
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