About "2nd childhood"

[AccuTron]

I'm nearly Medicare and have very old memories.  

 

(I am still quite fit.  I run the mile in ten seconds and hop right over single story buildings.  Or did I dream that?)

 

 

In recent months, I've noticed something.  I've been in major mental damage healing for years now, constant progress.  Lately, I got to a place where I recalled more vividly, just a flash memory now and then, of one or another toy.  It's color, it's shape (design)...really, as a toy, it's goodness.

 

I should have fully enjoyed the toy bounty during childhood, but the Sleaze Of Damocles always hung over my head, and full enjoyment was prevented.

 

As I heal stuff, these toy memories are liberated, sort of pop to the surface, little burps.  I see their pure value, without the external threats.  I want to take back what was stolen from me.  I want to recall them fondly.

 

Does this have something to do with what we call living a second childhood?

[dsayers]

Before I had self-knowledge, I was a relatively destructive suitor. As I grew "closer" to a significant other, I became increasingly resentful at the way they didn't care for me unconditionally. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was trying to get from them something I never got from my own mother. Or perhaps more accurately, something I DID get from my own mother up until the point where my parents divorced, she had a lot less time for us due to having to enter the work force, and we were old enough to ask questions, dramatically reducing our cuteness value.

 

One of the greatest gifts self-knowledge has given me in the realm of inter-personal relationships is the understanding that the parent-child relationship is the only time in a person's life when somebody else is fully committed to your needs at the expense of everything else. While I don't think this is exactly what you're referring to, I wonder if it doesn't help to reveal the folly and pitfall of trying to romanticize or cling to the past.

 

The other thing to keep in mind is the way the brain works in terms of memories. We're not like gigapixel cameras. We store pieces and when we try to retrieve a memory, our brain reconstructs it based on those pieces. Like a vinyl record, the more you try and play it back, the more you wear it out. It's probably better to hold onto how such times made you feel. Why did they make you feel that way? This is self-knowledge and will help you to recreate that feeling in your current life. Just as somebody who lacks self-knowledge will recreate trauma of their past because that provides a sense of normalcy for them. Does this help at all?

[AccuTron]

When did a dsayers post not help??  

 

I should first note my title.  I heard the phrase "second childhood" at various times growing up.  It seemed to define an older man who was essentially just enjoying himself.  Even young, I noted the air of smug dismissal that went with it.

 

If I wanted to search the topic, I'd probably end up yawning and wish I'd watched an old episode of COMBAT! instead.  If I ask here, I know I'll get interesting and fresh material.

 

One thread would be to see how people have heard or reacted to that term in their lives.  Is it a dismissive tool used by feminine (should've said female, nuttin' feminine about those) mouths (where I sometimes heard it) rather than honest appraisal of a man's behavior?  And uhhh, maybe some female behavior might be involved in that?

 

Romanticize or cling to the past...I have pondered the saying "With one foot in the future, and one foot in the past, you're pissing on the present."  Cute, but gotta be careful.  First thing, sort of philosophical math, is that if the past and future are to be minimized, then the present, which is infinitely small with past and future on either end, is pointless.  The present is to become past, so we're to ignore it???

 

It is good to chuck old luggage.  Yet we have so much entanglement, so do we need to search the luggage first?  These forums are all about searching that luggage, then tossing the junky stuff.

 

At one level, I can endlessly revisit those many psychological robberies.  To an extent, I need to learn who the perps and pervs really were, and how the deeds were done, before I can move on further.  Which I mostly have done.

 

At a different level, I wish to discard the perps and simply recall the joyous (small) fractions of childhood as they could have been.  These are opposites.

 

I guess what's percolating in my mind is the question about how the phrase is used, second childhood.  Is it a fabrication, possibly used as coverup?

[dsayers]

I hope you won't mind if I address the more important stuff first. Oh, and thank you for the high praise, even if it is statistically improbable

 

Tossing the old luggage is a VERY bad idea. For better or worse, every thing we've ever touched or has ever touched us has forged who we are today. Thankfully, this is not a deterministic reality. We are conscious and we possess reason. We are able to sort through that luggage so that we're not mixing the dirty underwear with the clean. Or better, not thinking that the dirty is in fact clean. I can't change what my mother did to me. But I can process it so that it isn't able to do further damage in my life. And I can speak out about it, helping others to become aware, so that parents HAVE to raise their standard of parenting. Just as no fault divorce raised the standard of marital relations.

 

Because identifying the perps is very easy. It is the parents. Always. You come into this world a blank slate and they are in complete control of your environment. Your parents loved you but you got bullied at school? Well who forced you to go there? Your parents loved you but your sibling abused you? Well, who taught that sibling the language of aggression? Who abandoned you long enough for that to happen? Your mother loved you but your father was a prick? Well, who chose for that man to be your father and have children with that prick? Again, this isn't meant to divide parent and child. It's to raise the standard of parenting for a more peaceful future. If it helps to divide victim from abuser, that's a fantastic side effect

 

I myself had never heard the phrase 2nd childhood. I've heard of "mid-life crisis." Is that what you're referring to? In a recent video (I THINK it's this one: 

) Stef talks about the biology behind this. I found it particularly interesting because it also talks about the way children (girls in this case) are not sufficiently prepared for adult life. In this case, with regards to the so-called mid-life crisis. If this is what you're referring to check that out if you haven't already and see if that doesn't help answer your question. And yes, anytime I've heard of mid-life crisis (even the terminology), it's been for the sake of shaming the person engaging in it. Typified I think by the family man going out and buying an antique/sports car he always wanted. Like heaven forbid that somebody that worked their ass off for 25 years spends their money on something they'd enjoy. Not that happiness comes from stuff but I digress.

[AccuTron]

I guess it's a sign of progress that you never heard the phrase; perhaps it dropped out of use.  Your description of midlife crisis mimics pretty well what I was thinking, so maybe it's the same intention, different wording.

 

I watched the video, and the topic kicks in at about seven minutes.  So to answer my own question:  The toy memories are pebbles along the larger path.  Pebbles of course are geologic results, so may contain content.  But the midlife crisis or 2nd childhood concepts are bogus, made up things, coverups.

 

The video covers lots more high quality ground, and I again find myself in the MGTOW Hall, hearing the endless echo of "sure glad I have the internet and my warm home and the heck with dating."