Fear to think bad about people

[Sima]

Has anyone also noticed that trait which i noticed in myself:  a fear to criticize other people, to see their immoral behavior?  Even if i do the criticism in my head, without expressing it to other people It struck me recently that i tend to see people as good ( to the level of being naive) and then i got very scared, depressed , even to the point of histeria if i start seeing their bad side, or bad behaviour ( that means immoral behaviour). Its as if i have to see people as nice, then i feel good myself. If i see them as  bad, i get scared that i notice that.  It makes me feel good to see others as good even if its not true. Thats how people dont see some political leaders as bad, just because they feel better while being naive. Of course, its clear my parents put this mental blockage on me. But only recently i understood that it makes me mentally sick to look at other people rationally, and see their bad sides.  Trust me, i can feel bad for days just because i noticed wrong things about my friend, and of course i will never say that to them.

[dsayers]

its clear my parents put this mental blockage on me.

How does that make you feel?

[Sima]

i feel confused, dissociated, because i never heard about this from other people. Its like: it cant be truth! But i really do become depressed when i think critically about other people. Have you ever had the same?

[dsayers]

 

i feel confused, dissociated, because i never heard about this from other people. Its like: it cant be truth! But i really do become depressed when i think critically about other people. Have you ever had the same?

 

 

If you recognize that your parents did this to you, I think you should process that rather than avoiding it by thinking about other people. Is confusion and dissociation the only things you feel when you acknowledge that your parents did this to you?

[Sima]

I also feel f**** happy that i made a connection, which relieves me from a lot of anxiety.  And my knowledge of psychology is quite good, i know the thing about acknowledging the anger towards my parents. I work on my own tempo with myself.  i think i had a good insight which could also be helpful to other people. And i get to know that there are people experiencing the same thing.

May I ask: if you are constantly talking about parents and the harm they did, maybe it has to do with your own parents and your emotional position towards them?

 

And if you disagree that its a bad insight , let me know, maybe you think its a good insight as well? Or maybe you dont like people having good insights, therefore you try to put the main topic aside as if it was worth nothing? Maybe you feel inferior to people having any insights? Then you should ask why you dont like to feel inferior to other people? Or maybe I am totally wrong here. I find it weird because i knew myself that my parents put that mental blockage on me, I didnt ask a question about it.

Edited December 13, 2015 by Sima

[cherapple]

I would try looking at this from the other people's eyes. THEY feel good when you see them as good. THEY feel terrified if you see them as bad.

 

Someone around you -- as a child, in particular, but you may be repeating the pattern now -- has high stakes in you seeing them as good. They identify with their "good" image so strongly that they are threatened by the thought of losing it to the truth.

 

Start with the assumption that the problem is not you, but someone around you who is invested in maintaining their good image rather than having to actually BE a good person. If you can't even bring the topic up for discussion, it is one good clue that someone may not actually be good.

 

It's common for people to say "everyone has a good side." Sure, but do their actions consistently show their good side? If not, it's not your fault, and it's not your responsibility to make them feel better by upholding their false image. 

 

I may be wrong, but that's my guess -- from personal experience of being around manipulative people who wanted me to believe they could be both manipulative and good at the same time.

[A4E]

Is it correct that you also have a fear of verbally criticizing other people? I certainly have that as well, but with close friends or family it is and should be easier. With a close relationship, it should be automatic and peaceful without any significant fear. Since else it can not be called a close relationship.

 

It really hurts when I see someone I thought was good, turns out to have bad sides. I have been there too. In one animal abuse situation I was too cowardly to speak up, and I was in pain for at least 2 days. I did start to move the animals out of harms way but I am pretty sure that if I had done something more effective against continued abuse, I would feel better afterwards.

[dsayers]

I also feel f**** happy that i made a connection, which relieves me from a lot of anxiety.

How do you know? When I asked about your parents, you changed the subject. When I tried to bring you back to the question I asked, you changed the subject again, this time pointing at me. This doesn't strike me as the absence of anxiety. Coincidentally, the reason I asked the question is to try and figure out where you're at to try and determine the significance of the experience you were sharing.

 

Whether I had good parents or bad, processed that trauma or haven't, it won't change the fact that you're born a blank slate and your parents have complete control over your environment. You could weed an entire garden and pat yourself on the back. But if you didn't address the roots, you're just going to have to do it all over again AND be frustrated that the progress you thought you made seemed ineffective. I've been there. It's frustrating when you can't see what the actual problem is so nothing you try works

 

I continue to pursue self-knowledge and talk to other people. Just the other day, a brand new friend was able to help me see something I missed and I've been working with it for a couple years now. It's a good thing I wasn't of the mindset that somebody else can't help me unless they only focus on the things I want them to.