Book Recommendation: The Element

[brucethecollie]

I wanted to recommend the books The Element and Finding Your Element (in that order) by Ken Robinson.  He has a PhD and is an educationalist with a great sense of humor.  His Ted talk is what first led me to check out the books (

).  

 

What struck me about him is his compassionate and very human approach coupled with the logic and research of his field.  When thinking about how to go forward in homeschooling my kids, his books have helped me to be more in tune with the reality of my children's abilities, interests, and aptitude for different things.  (Part of that reality is that they will know themselves better than I know them) After reading the books I also committed to foster an environment at home where we are all totally ok with being wrong because it encourages us to simply correct and move forward and we value creativity coupled with results (meaning a creative way of decorating the house which results in tackiness is not exactly a win).  

 

I find that coupling what I've read in his books with what I've learned and continue to learn at FDR gives me a lot of guidance.  For example, if something is a practical skill like reading then for my children it's not a matter of whether they choose to learn it or not, it's instead a matter of me helping them with a most suitable route to learning it.  For my daughter it's a group setting and she likes to have frequent breaks to move about.  For my son it's one on one attention in long one and two hour spans of time.  I technically unschool but other unschoolers don't have their children learn anything they don't want to which is something I can't subscribe to because children may not know they want to learn to read until it's too late or much more difficult to do so.

 

Robinson makes a clear case for appreciating the differences in humans and I think it goes hand in hand with what I've been learning here about IQ and the range of capabilities.  He explains how there isn't any shame in realizing one doesn't have the intelligence to go to college and how there is a huge reward in following abilities and interest because that leads a person to being useful and valuable in society and personally fulfilled.  In today's world people really wish for children that will be great fits for higher education because they are comforted by the likelihood of higher pay and stability for them but for those pushed into that and colleges accepting and coddling those who aren't made for it, people end up stuck where they can't compete in addition to being in debt.  It's another sign the systems in place are off.

 

I not only found the books encouraging for me as a parent and would have loved this book as a teenager. Somehow I grew up ashamed that I was "book smart" and "nerdy", so much so that I got into sports in order to tear that image down.  (I was always annoyed by classmates who couldn't understand things and felt guilty and then sorry for them so I tried to join them?) Looking back, I wish I had embraced my inclinations to be the type that could do well in and greatly enjoy higher education.  I didn't even apply to any colleges despite an advanced diploma and my teachers telling me I should.  And now I see how a perverse view of differences in abilities corrupted my thinking (also, I am very empathetic and in the past have found myself vulnerable to popular culture's guilt and shaming of those who can feel for others).  

 

If you have read one of these books I'd like to hear what you thought..

 

By the way, thank you to FDR and all of you who share here for helping to break down learned walls of perversion. 

[ResidingOnEarth]

You said a lot of interesting things, but I just wanted to comment on this one thing as I can strongly relate:

 

(also, I am very empathetic and in the past have found myself vulnerable to popular culture's guilt and shaming of those who can feel for others)

 

I remember a time in my teens and just after when I cared a lot about people and wanted to be nice to others and understanding of them.  I remember receiving constant hints from my environment that this was uncool and will lead to unhappiness and failure.  In the films I watched and among the people that seemed popular and happy; sociopathic behaviour and a general disregard for the welfare of others was quite consistently portrayed as a superior state of being and an admirable quality.

 

It is only recently that I've realised that my strong sense of empathy is something that I should nurture, protect from harm and be proud of.  It's not something I should hide and seek to change.

 

Have you had a similar experience?

[brucethecollie]

You said a lot of interesting things, but I just wanted to comment on this one thing as I can strongly relate:

 

 

I remember a time in my teens and just after when I cared a lot about people and wanted to be nice to others and understanding of them.  I remember receiving constant hints from my environment that this was uncool and will lead to unhappiness and failure.  In the films I watched and among the people that seemed popular and happy; sociopathic behaviour and a general disregard for the welfare of others was quite consistently portrayed as a superior state of being and an admirable quality.

 

It is only recently that I've realised that my strong sense of empathy is something that I should nurture, protect from harm and be proud of.  It's not something I should hide and seek to change.

 

Have you had a similar experience?

Similar, yes.  I remember a phase where I was called a "bitch" because I was trying to not care, to not be seen as weak, and to tease others (boys, to be honest) as a way of getting it in before they possibly teased me first.  I think I eventually felt sick over my behavior, especially since it seemed I couldn't win either way, I figured I'd choose the path of goodness instead of a fruitless search for what the popular kids only appeared to have.  Having empathy really is a gift though, I'm glad we finally see that  The key as you mentioned, is to protect from harm.   I have met a few older and wiser people than myself who don't seem to have a lot of empathy until you get to know them and see how they live.  I wonder if they guard that aspect of themselves?  

 

Was there something that happened...was there a turning point for you when it came to realizing that your empathy was indeed a very positive part of you?