Childhood comfort objects

[cmckay]

Hello everybody.

Long time lurker, first time poster.

 

I wanted to bring up the subject of comfort objects that many of us attach to as children (i.e. stuffed animals, blankets, etc.)

In my case, I had a blanket that I would cling to. I wouldn't be able to fall asleep without it until the age of 6 or so. With what I've gathered from reading articles about it, the consensus seems to be that it's a perfectly normal and healthy thing that even helps a child develop.

 

I'm not sure if it's been discussed on the podcast or this forum before, but I find myself questioning the dogma that it's normal and healthy. I can certainly see that if a child isn't having their needs met and they aren't forming a healthy attachment to their parents, they could end up forming an attachment to an object instead.

 

I'm curious to see what thoughts you guys have on this. It's something I started thinking about and I haven't made any conclusions yet. Did you have a comfort object also? Is it normal and healthy?

[dsayers]

The consistency of matter and energy makes life much easier. Imagine trying to sleep in a world where gravity reversed spontaneously. So it makes sense that an infant would find comfort and safety in the consistency of their brand new world. This is entirely of the parents' creation. So while a parent could provide that consistency, they could also provide (or not) an object. Once the child is old enough to be reasoned with, you can talk with them about attachment to objects and then they can decide how "necessary" it is to need a certain object to fall asleep with or find comfort in. Does that make sense?

[Koroviev]

This is a really interesting question because, maybe, it's just considered "normal" and "healthy" in samples of children who aren't necessarily getting their needs met. Is it because mom and dad both work and they aren't getting the parental attention that children crave so they are transferring that to an object to self-soothe?

 

Looking at it another way it could be that they're trying to model their parents' behaviors with the stuffed animal, or maybe the item is simply something that is really important to them for one reason or another. So I guess the question (as usual) is compared to what? 

[Tyne]

I had a favorite stuffed animal (several, as they kept getting lost) that I clung to and slept with for years. Some of my stuffed animals didn't leave my bed until I moved out to college. My mother was somewhat distant growing up. She was a single mom raising me and my half sister. I was sleep trained as a child and put in a room shared by my sister.

 

I'm a mother now, and share my bed with my son. I comfort him with hugs when he's upset and breastfeed him when he's really upset. He's never had a pacifier or bottle. He doesn't sleep with fetishes like blankets or stuffed animals and although he has some favorite toys, he doesn't seem to need or want them for comfort or security; he'd prefer to jump into his daddy's arms or my arms and be picked up and held.

 

I'm totally fine with that and proud of it even. However, what I see all too often on the Facebook mommy groups is mothers complaining that their baby only wants to use them for comfort or nurse to sleep in their arms and how can they get their baby to take a pacifier or toy to sleep instead of them.

 

These women seem fed up and exhausted by their child's needs and want a break from the constant touching. To me, this seems like rejection, but then my perspective is deeply shaped by my childhood insecurities.

[brucethecollie]

I have a son that is 6 and really insists on sleeping with certain teddy bears and other stuffed animals (5 to be exact).  He has personified them for pretend play and never sleeps without each one around him somewhere.  I made sure a while back that he wasn't mixing "stuffed animal land" as he calls it, with reality, since that is probably one facet (the other is do they lack connection to parents and no, I don't think so, I homeschool them and am with them all day (and happy to be) and when dad gets home he spends time with them and then we both spend time with them until they go to sleep).  We went on vacation recently and and I realized he expected not to be allowed to take them for the trip and hotel stays.  He seemed fine with that but he did want to take them and I let him. Recently, while playing pretend with stuffed animals and lego people and such, I must have been playing the game too well and he leaned in and whispered, "You know we are just pretending and all these characters are just plain things, right?"  So I kind of laughed thinking, well that's a good sign.  Some children like routines more than others.  They all need to feel safe and secure and all their necessities need to be routine but, some like specific routines more than others and I think we easily see this preference in adults.  I notice that my son likes to eat the same breakfast everyone morning while my daughter loves to change it up.  I've asked him if he wants or needs to sleep with those stuffed animals and he says "what do you mean, need?  I just really want them and I know one day I won't."  If a child has different sentiments I might ask myself if my character isn't steady...like, am I getting upset suddenly during the day and making the child feel a little insecure based on my reactions?  Stuff like that.  So I suppose it depends.  Just the same, I'm always in the state of trying to be aware that I'm not somehow doing something to make my son feel the need to be comforted by these toys.

[Ajl2016]

I have a nearly 3 month old and his "comfort toy" are my breasts. I've heard many people tell me "you don't want to get in that habit, they'll rely on you for comfort" ect. Before we evn conceived we made the decision that our baby would be our everything and actually mean it. People have a strange reaction to babies needing comfort. I think they forget they are just babies they aren't capable of feeding or cleaning the bottom so why do we expect them to comfort themselves. I have a nephew with abusive parents and he has a blanket he takes with him nearly every where. in that case I would say it's not "healthy" because he's using this blanket to keep him safe rather than comfort him. I have no problem with comforters, as long as that is what they are, not some cover for some deep down issue. If that make any sence.

[MysterionMuffles]

For some reason all I keep thinking about is Inception and how each person had a totem, an object that was intimate to them, that they would test the weight and properties of in order to see if they were in reality or the dream world...

 

I hope to contribute more to this thread but that's all that's running through my head for now.

[Koroviev]

I wonder if there are any correlations between breastfeeding and comfort objects

somewhat related article from New Beginnings magazine:

http://www.llli.org/nb/nbjanfeb03p8.html

[neeeel]

this subject brings to mind the experiment with monkeys, where they separated young or baby monkeys from their parents, with some they put a bare wire frame in the cage. On others they put a wire frame covered with fur into the cage. The monkeys with the fur covered frame spent much more time cuddling or in contact with the fur. the ones with just the wire frame ( which was in the shape of a monkey I think) spent no time cuddling or in contact with the bare wire frame

 

I wonder if the comfort object is a similar thing, since comfort objects are usually warm and furry. I wonder if, if the children got to co-sleep with their parents, and had as much physical contact as they wanted, they would attach to the objects in the same way

[AccuTron]

this subject brings to mind the experiment with monkeys, where they separated young or baby monkeys from their parents, with some they put a bare wire frame in the cage. On others they put a wire frame covered with fur into the cage. The monkeys with the fur covered frame spent much more time cuddling or in contact with the fur. the ones with just the wire frame ( which was in the shape of a monkey I think) spent no time cuddling or in contact with the bare wire frame

 

I wonder if the comfort object is a similar thing, since comfort objects are usually warm and furry. I wonder if, if the children got to co-sleep with their parents, and had as much physical contact as they wanted, they would attach to the objects in the same way

If it's what I read, they also put a milk dispenser with the bare wire cage; to see if milk or cuddle meant more.  Cuddle won.  (Ah, I just noticed the Wiki link confirming so.)

[LovePrevails]

this has very thoroughly been discussed in the psychotherapeutic field actually: Especially by D. Winnicott - it came up in my counselling course

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comfort_object