Can you be friend with a stripper ?

[Lost Lenore]

Not dating, but friendship. Not the nightmarish / infantile "friend zone", but real friendship (that imply objectivity, sincerity, self-knowledge, etc). 

 

I'm interested by hearing you "in general" before giving personal details (about my specific situation). Speculation can be an interesting as an introduction, since it could "open the doors of perception" about a particular topic. I'm asking for your free thoughts / two-cents. 

 

Help me envision the whole thing through extensionalization and multiple point of views.  

 

Except for one thing: I'm aware of the "seduction community" take about it (use the girl as a pawn, pre-selection, jealousy plotting, etc), and please — spare me this BULLSHIT.

 

Also feel free to ask me specific questions at the end of your post. 

 

Thx everyone !

[Jot]

If what you are looking for in a friend is "objectivity, sincerity, self-knowledge, etc", and the stripper meets these values...why couldn't you?

 

My problem, however, is that I have a hard time believing that any stripper possess these values...

 

If she were physically unattractive would you still be interested in being friends with her?

Do you plan on having sex with her?

[algernon]

You can be friends with whoever you want.

 

You want advice if you can have a "real" friendship with someone we know nothing about and the entire basis of the advice coming from her being a stripper?

 

If you have been around here a few minutes, and listened to more than a couple shows you are going to know what the advice is.

 

Have you found a mentally healthy, well adjusted individual that is not dealing with some sort of childhood trauma that is a stripper?

 

Are you by chance dickknapped and unaware?

[Wuzzums]

Being in a friendship relationship with an attractive woman that you're not trying to bed at some subconscious level can be quite liberating. Speaking from experience, even if the relationship goes sour you still have nothing but to gain from the whole matter. If you're able to look at that stripper like she's Rob Schneider in very convincing drag then go for it.

 

However, do you think she's up to it too?

[algernon]

Being in a friendship relationship with an attractive woman ..

 

Why are you assuming she's attractive? Strip clubs are very dark for a reason. Stripper != Attractive.

 

Do you find it liberating because it's like the fat kid standing at the desert station in a delicious buffet, and they have the willpower to not try and eat anything?

 

The question specifically stated stripper, because someone being attractive or not does not say a whole lot (I know sometimes it can) about their character, them being a stripper does.

 

Of course we were given no information on her character, just that she's a stripper. Using the stripper bit of information you can only assume she is the norm, and not the exception - she likely has some serious issues.

 

I worked with a guy that regularly hung out, and dated strippers, a majority of them were prostitutes as well. I'm not sure how many virtuous prostitutes are out there, but maybe they exist.

[Wuzzums]

Why are you assuming she's attractive? Strip clubs are very dark for a reason. Stripper != Attractive.

 

Do you find it liberating because it's like the fat kid standing at the desert station in a delicious buffet, and they have the willpower to not try and eat anything?

 

The question specifically stated stripper, because someone being attractive or not does not say a whole lot (I know sometimes it can) about their character, them being a stripper does.

 

Of course we were given no information on her character, just that she's a stripper. Using the stripper bit of information you can only assume she is the norm, and not the exception - she likely has some serious issues.

 

I worked with a guy that regularly hung out, and dated strippers, a majority of them were prostitutes as well. I'm not sure how many virtuous prostitutes are out there, but maybe they exist.

 

C'mon, man, you can't call me out on me assuming she's attractive while you're assuming she's unvirtuous. She's of course not an immoral person because taking your clothes off for money is not the initiation of force.

 

I repeat myself, there's nothing to lose in being friends with such a person, there's only gain. I mean friendship is the chance of knowing someone for who they really are with no strings attached, why wouldn't you take the time to do that instead of dismissing them right off the bad as having "some serious issues".

[Jot]

C'mon, man, you can't call me out on me assuming she's attractive while you're assuming she's unvirtuous. She's of course not an immoral person because taking your clothes off for money is not the initiation of force.

 

I repeat myself, there's nothing to lose in being friends with such a person, there's only gain. I mean friendship is the chance of knowing someone for who they really are with no strings attached, why wouldn't you take the time to do that instead of dismissing them right off the bad as having "some serious issues".

I personally would definitely give this a shot if I were him...especially in the case there are no obvious red flags from the very beginning...

 

However, I don't understand why would it be hard for you to imagine what would be the downside of such a relationship...every second spent with a person is a second not spent with the billions of others, so you invest time...now if you claim to be in the search for a person with the values OP has listed then statistically a stripper is quite low on that list so if my purpose was solely to be friends with such a person I would need to be aware that statistically she is much more unlikely to provide me the values I wanted from a friend than a person whom I tried to befriend on this forum for example.

[algernon]

C'mon, man, you can't call me out on me assuming she's attractive while you're assuming she's unvirtuous. She's of course not an immoral person because taking your clothes off for money is not the initiation of force.

 

I repeat myself, there's nothing to lose in being friends with such a person, there's only gain. I mean friendship is the chance of knowing someone for who they really are with no strings attached, why wouldn't you take the time to do that instead of dismissing them right off the bad as having "some serious issues".

 

 

We were given no information on the type of club she works at, statistically there are more low end, trashy strip clubs than high quality ones. My point is just because she's a stripper does not automatically mean she is pretty. Most strip club patrons don't even care as long as they get to see tits.

 

I never said she was immoral, I said she was likely to have some serious issues. Apparently her being a stripper is important to the conversation, as this was the only information we were given of her. Based on the only information we can assume she is the average, and not the outlier. If he wanted advice on being friends with a female he could have appraised us of the situation and friendship and asked for advice, completely ignoring her being a stripper.

 

Let's try this - "Can you friends with a female banker?". "Can you be friends with a teacher?"

 

If these are misconceptions or generalizations that are incorrect, the OP can give us more information.

[Wuzzums]

I never said she was immoral, I said she was likely to have some serious issues. Apparently her being a stripper is important to the conversation, as this was the only information we were given of her. Based on the only information we can assume she is the average, and not the outlier. If he wanted advice on being friends with a female he could have appraised us of the situation and friendship and asked for advice, completely ignoring her being a stripper.

 

Ok, glad you agree with me she is likely to be very pretty, the average stripper being very pretty and all.

 

However, I don't understand why would it be hard for you to imagine what would be the downside of such a relationship...every second spent with a person is a second not spent with the billions of others, so you invest time...now if you claim to be in the search for a person with the values OP has listed then statistically a stripper is quite low on that list so if my purpose was solely to be friends with such a person I would need to be aware that statistically she is much more unlikely to provide me the values I wanted from a friend than a person whom I tried to befriend on this forum for example.

 

Personally I never met a stripper, but please tell me about your experience with them. You seem to know so many that you are able to put their characters on some sort virtuosity spectrum, of which none of them are up par with your values.

 

Yes, I am being facetious. You're discouraging some guy's friendship based on the logic that "on average, strippers are..." when truth be told neither of you have ever talked to one. Am I wrong in making this assumption?

 

But let's assume the average stripper is indeed a waste of time and energy because statistically they have "serious issues" thus it would be pointless to try to befriend any of them. Statistically most people on the planet have "serious issues" so why should anyone bother to get friends altogether? This is the point you're making. You cannot extrapolate population statistics to a single individual.

 

Furthermore, let's assume this one particular stripper has indeed serious issues and is not worthy of being friends with. How is getting to know such a person a bad thing? You learn a very valuable life lesson, how can that be considered a waste of time?

[Lost Lenore]

Perhaps my first issue is located within the evolutionary psychology spectrum: how would that be possible, as a young fertile male, to be in a platonic relationships (obviously you CAN'T be in a virtuous, loving, monogamous relationships with a stripper) — with a girl whose job is too make hundred of strangers jerk off on her naked pussy everyday ? Emotionnaly speaking, we aren't hard-wired that way: our brain's circuitry is evolutionary conditioned to look either for a stable, homeostatic relationships — or for a one night encounter (mostly). The latter isn't our subject here, so I will not deepen it any further. Why are we looking for stability ? The literature tells us that it is probably linked with our instinctive preference to make sure that we aren't wasting resources in the offspring of another male. Then, if the girl is single, not a sex worker and not looking for any serious "love affair" — there can be some homeostasis in the relationships. It's also possible to reproduce a similar pattern of stability if the girl is already engaged in a serious relationships, and/or married: in that case you're not wasting resources and energy for something you didn't choose, since it's pretty safe to say that you personally know her lover, respect him, and voluntarily / happily choose to contribute to their well-being.

 

Things become a bit more complicated when we are dealing with fake sex and remunerated promiscuity on one side, and platonic / virtuous intentions on the other. Fact is: I'm not biologically, psycho-sexually hard-wired to be full-blown in that specific kind of situation. How can you build sensible integrity when your female friend is acting in a way that you aren't engineered to support nor tolerate ?

 

So I think it's why, Algernon — the information "stripper" is here absolutely mandatory, even if if wouldn't have been the case for the female banker / teacher — since there are no (apriori) anthropological / evolutionary conflict (at a sexual level) befriending those women. Like other posters said, you would have then to know her really better, to ask specific questions about her sexual life, in order to establish it. Then making the process of friendship necessary in other to know if you can be friend with that person. 

 

Also, en vrac — consider these other peripheral problems:  

  A) How that friendship will be judged by other people, your family, and especially by other guys (who only want to fuck the stripper) ?

  B) How do you deal with the constant throwbacks of stalkers, weak beta males offers, professional stress, dangers, etc. ?

  C) Also what happens if, as it occurs so often — you develop romantic feelings for the girl (consider that your friendship is based of her virtues) ?

[...]

[Jot]

Yes, I am being facetious. You're discouraging some guy's friendship based on the logic that "on average, strippers are..." when truth be told neither of you have ever talked to one. Am I wrong in making this assumption?

 

This is how I began my post to which you replied to.

 

I personally would definitely give this a shot if I were him...especially in the case there are no obvious red flags from the very beginning...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Personally I never met a stripper, but please tell me about your experience with them. You seem to know so many that you are able to put their characters on some sort virtuosity spectrum, of which none of them are up par with your values.

1. Where do I "seem" to put their characters on some sort virtuosity spectrum?

2. When did my personal values even came into this discussion? (When I used "I' in my second post I was impersonating the OP.

 

Why do you use the word seem? It is philosophically meaningless, the moment you start a phrase with "You seem..." you are already not making an argument, you are just telling me about your projections.

 

 

 

Yes, I am being facetious. You're discouraging some guy's friendship based on the logic that "on average, strippers are..." when truth be told neither of you have ever talked to one. Am I wrong in making this assumption?

"Discouraging" is another projection of yours, I put forward an argument which can only be valid or invalid.

 

 

 

But let's assume the average stripper is indeed a waste of time and energy because statistically they have "serious issues" thus it would be pointless to try to befriend any of them.

Straw-man.

 

Quote me where I made that argument.

 

 

 

Statistically most people on the planet have "serious issues" so why should anyone bother to get friends altogether? This is the point you're making.

Where do I make this point.

 

 

 

You cannot extrapolate population statistics to a single individual.

Where did I do that?

 

 

 

Furthermore, let's assume this one particular stripper has indeed serious issues and is not worthy of being friends with. How is getting to know such a person a bad thing? You learn a very valuable life lesson, how can that be considered a waste of time?

Again, give me the quotes where I say any of these things.

[Max Hartford]

If I were a hot girl, I would seriously consider being a stripper. I already like dancing and money!

[FreedomPhilosophy]

My ex was a stripper for years and also one of my close friends as well. There are some really nice women who strip the better ones are great with their body, it's very sensual and feminine. Your mileage may vary!