Stan Hunter Posted February 22, 2016 Posted February 22, 2016 Fellow peaceful parents, I have double trouble. My wife gave birth to twins last summer. I am very tired, stressed, and I have gotten extremely anxious on a few occasions. I do not want this to affect my children in a negative way. Problem: My son wakes up every 3 hours... on a good night. My daughter wakes up once, feeds, and goes back to bed. We've been lucky on that front I suppose. But by 2am my nerves are shot. I've had to wake up Mom on several occasions so I can step away for a little while. Description: On a bad night, like last night, he wakes up 5-6 times, wakes up his sister at least once, and wants to be held while he sleeps. If we put him down, he wakes up and cries. If you make the wrong move (offer him a bottle when he doesn't want it, check his diaper, etc.) he cries. He also often simply refuses to go back to sleep, for hours at a time. I have some sympathy for him, because he has pretty bad acid reflux, and subsequently is a prolific spitter upper. Often when he wakes up I can hear him juggling fluid in his esophagus. That's usually when he refuses to go back to sleep. Being horizontal seems to aggravate the reflux problem. So that's understandable, if not exhausting. But at other times he does not suffer from reflux, and simply wants to be held. I don't know how he functions with so little sleep. Granted, his dad can go 4 - 5 days straight on only 4-5 hours a night, but after months of this and the crying and trial and error (mostly error) my nerves are suffering. I'm a zombie at work. Mom and I are strong advocates for attachment parenting. But most babies are singles. That is to say, they aren't competing for attention. The challenge we face is forming strong attachments for both of them. Possible Solutions: There are a few schools of thought on how to handle this problem. Give the baby what they want, regardless of your own needs (this is starting to wear me down) Soothe the baby but don't pick them up, try that twice, and if it doesn't work, see step 3; "Let them cry it out" Since some of you will probably ask: Doctor doesn't have anything to offer except a ranitidine prescription. It lessens the problem but is in no way a cure. I'm not a fan of this medication buy we if we don't use it, it's a guarantee that we will not be sleeping He was breastfed almost exclusively, but mostly drinks formula now (Mom doesn't produce enough for two, and he refuses to breastfeed unless from a bottle at this point) The acid reflux was a problem while breast feeding, so that is not a factor per se He eats "solid" food (rice cereal, fruit, veggies) He shares a giant crib with his sister, who usually tries to sleep through these frequent episodes he (insists) sleeps on his stomach He does not have any other problems we know of, very healthy baby, developmentally on schedule and in some ways ahead Mom is home all day, every day, we both have strong bonds with the babies They were cesarian delivery (long story) And for some reason we get asked this often: They are not twins because of in vitro fertilization.
neeeel Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 But at other times he does not suffer from reflux, and simply wants to be held Disclaimer - I am not a parent, and know little or nothing about babies. Have you tried co-sleeping? If he wants to be held, and is with his parents, perhaps he will sleep more naturally. I realise that its inconvenient , that perhaps you want a baby that sleeps easily and naturally, like your daughter, but it seems like that is what you havent got. Does he still cry when being held? Perhaps this is an assumption on my part, but the impression I get is that you think he shouldnt be crying, and/or shouldnt want to be held? Co-sleeping, or holding him when he wants is not "giving in" or "spoiling your child" or even "Giving the baby what they want, regardless of your own needs". please, whatever you do, do not consider "Let them cry it out" ( i am assuming you mean, leave them alone in their crib until they stop crying). I cannot imagine that that is good for anyone, and there are many different options that you havent explored yet. You have my sympathy, I can imagine how difficult it is, and how it is made much more difficult by having 2 babies, and lack of sleep. I am sure you can find a way to resolve this.
Stan Hunter Posted February 23, 2016 Author Posted February 23, 2016 Hi Stan, I'm sorry for the exhaustion and difficulties. I can imagine it is really wearing on your whole family. (Background: I'm a natural-minded mom of 2 and have counseled many new parents on similar issues.) I'll bullet-point this just to keep it organized: How old are the babies exactly? It seems like you're indicating you are the primary parent on night-duty. Why is this? Can the two of you alternate? Can anyone help your wife during the day occasionally, so that she can do night duty and take a nap when needed? I don't quite understand why you would be the go-to at night, when she is home all day (I assume you work full time). My main guidance would be to resolve your son's reflux. This is not coming out of nowhere, and is the root of the issue. I know you say there are times you think he "simply wants to be held." This does not make his need any less urgent, in my mind. And I'm not convinced this is still not connected to his reflux. You just cannot know what's going on his little body 100%, and babies do not have any understanding of "needs vs. wants." They are all needs at this point. I'm sorry to hear of the end of breastfeeding for him. Sure he may have had reflux even while breastfeeding, but that doesn't change the advantages of breastmilk over formula. And in fact, those differences in nutrition are so much more critical for a baby with health problems. Who advised the addition of rice cereal? That is an outdated cultural practice based on marketing more than anything. Many sources are coming out against it. In particular when there is a cesarean birth, the babies' gut flora balance is especially delicate. Early introduction of solids, and especially refined grains, are going to exacerbate existing imbalances. (I'm sorry I don't have time to look up sources, but some googling should give you a starting point. Looking for new studies on gut flora, in conjunction with "cesarean," "reflux," "rice cereal," "breastfeeding," etc. will likely yield multiple results.) That's all I've got for now. I'll check back and add if anything else comes to mind. Thanks for doing such a great job with the babes! It sounds like they are very lucky to have you as parents. Just about 6 months I work full-time. Mom is "on-duty" from about 2am to 8am, takes a nap from 8ish-11 while her father babysits. Then she's on-duty again until about 10pm. So I'm the go-to from 10-2 so she can get a little rest. Any suggestions on the reflux are welcome. I'm literally open to anything, even if it's shamanism. I'm serious. If it works, I'll do it. We've got nothing from traditional western medicine to solve this problem. "It's common and normal. Here's a drug." The milk is just not producing. I'll look into it more, but they get maybe 4 oz. each per day. It has always been a struggle to produce enough for two (yes I know, two breasts, two babies, seems like human women are built for it) The pediatrician and all the books recommend starting solids at 5 months, we have not encountered any recommendations or data on holding off on solids. We aren't fans of the "Let them cry it out" approach, and have yet to try this approach, but I want it to be clear that most of the people we discuss these issues are of the opinion that we over-think this issue, and worry too much. Yes, I worry. Probably because I'm a sleep-deprived adult. Go figure. We co-slept in a spontaneous fashion early on, it is wonderful. Occasionally, we still co-sleep when they refuse to be left to sleep on their own. This approach is heavily downplayed, avoided, and discouraged in conventional literature. Our only concern is that it could become an habit the babies will expect in addition to the 3h (maximum) sleep increments that my son exhibits. It seems like a recipe for insanity.
Jaeger Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 Hi, Stan Sorry too hear about the lack of sleep. Here is a study on formula/ C-section can disrupt gut bacteria. Obviously not much help if your wife can not breast feed right now. http://www.webmd.com/baby/news/20130211/c-section-formula-may-disrupt-good-gut-bacteria-in-babies I'm not real familiar with formulas but have you tried switching brands or finding one that isn't so hard on the stomach? I did find a couple of sites that gives you options of home made holistic formula maybe that might be easier to digest than store brands. http://holisticsquid.com/the-best-formula-for-your-baby/ http://wellnessmama.com/53999/organic-baby-formula-options/
neeeel Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 . We co-slept in a spontaneous fashion early on, it is wonderful. Occasionally, we still co-sleep when they refuse to be left to sleep on their own. This approach is heavily downplayed, avoided, and discouraged in conventional literature. Our only concern is that it could become an habit the babies will expect in addition to the 3h (maximum) sleep increments that my son exhibits. It seems like a recipe for insanity. why is this a concern? Whats wrong if the babies expect it? I dont understand, Do they sleep when you do co-sleep with them? If so, it seem like an ideal solution for everyone.
Susana Posted February 25, 2016 Posted February 25, 2016 As a parent I will say that the most effective way to get your child to sleep through the night is to co-sleep and breastfeed while co-sleeping if he wakes up during the night. Also have you looked into wraps such as the moby or ergo (not sure how old your son and daughter are now) Finally as a c-section baby he probably does not have enough gut probiotics as mentioned above.
Stan Hunter Posted March 17, 2016 Author Posted March 17, 2016 Thanks for the input everyone. why is this a concern? Whats wrong if the babies expect it? I dont understand, Do they sleep when you do co-sleep with them? If so, it seem like an ideal solution for everyone. With my son there's a couple issues. 1) He moves constantly in his sleep, and we don't have a setup that protects against him falling off the bed 2) he still wakes up frequently, but more so when co-sleeping It's been a month. We're down to 3 wake-ups per evening. The reflux is less common now. We've eliminated rice cereal and the medication*. We give them both probiotics. *There have been exceptions, 2 nights ago his acid reflux was the most severe I've ever seen it. He was literally choking on stomach acid and gasping for air. We gave him the medication that time and it helped. Afterwards, he wasn't interested in sleeping again for 2 hours.
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