Superiority From Self Knowledge

[Nick900]

I have been thinking about the whole anarchist/self knowledge/philosophy thing and about why I'm doing it, I want to make sure I'm actually pursuing it for the right reasons.

 

I do however enjoy the feeling of the uphill struggle that comes from trying to convince people that self knowledge, philosophy and anarchy is the way forward. This got me thinking ... if one day, all of what is said on FDR was achieved, how would that make me feel? And I can't help but feeling that if the struggle was gone, I would be really bored. I'm sure that I would find other things to learn, this is the aspect I enjoy the most, but it got me thinking, am I just doing this to get the feeling of being superior? - I think that this is what others think I'm doing. 

 

Has anyone else experienced this? 

 

Edit: Found a Stef vid which cleared this up: 

[dsayers]

am I just doing this to get the feeling of being superior? - I think that this is what others think I'm doing. 

What difference does it make what others think? Should the guy who is ahead in a race be worried about what others will think? Also, why did you use the word "just"? To me, the implication is that improvement isn't a sufficient goal. Which I disagree with.

 

From the moment you were born, your every action and decision has been how to get yourself to the next day. There are many people on the planet today who won't be here tomorrow. Does that make you superior to them? Would that be a reason to stop trying to survive?

 

While you're still alive, only you will live your life. Why wouldn't you want it to be the best it could be? If you had to unscrew a screw, would you reach for a flimsy piece of metal that doesn't really fit and takes a long time of fumbling to achieve that goal? Or do you reach for a precision machined screwdriver that fits perfectly and is strong enough to handle the torque with ease? YOU are the tool which you are applying to everything in your life. I can't imagine not wanting it to be as good as it can be. If your tool is better than your neighbors'... so what?

[Kevin Beal]

Primary Motivation is Mastery

 

Are you genuinely excited about growing? Does having self knowledge look to you in your head like you are having deeper, more meaningful relationships with yourself and other good people? If so, I'm inclined to think that your primary motivation is not actually to perceive yourself as superior.

 

People who want to feel superior are motivated, in the moment, by an urge to relieve themselves of their self loathing by trying to inspire admiration in their audience. It's not a long term goal, and it usually fails.

 

There's nothing wrong with wanting to achieve more than other people and live a happier, more fulfilled life. You should want that. The problem is artificial superiority. Somebody who actually is happier, more fulfilled, etc. is not going to shove it in people's faces, and it's something that people enjoy seeing, for the most part.

 

Is the Vanity Yours or Theirs?

 

Feeling superior could be a secondary goal of yours in the moment, if you listen to other people talk about about things they are excited about and then one-up them with things that you hope someday will be true about your life, or with exaggerations about things you've done. If you reflect back on these moments and check to see if you felt any shame or anxiety, then that's a good indication that you are being vain, grandiose, have an inflated self worth.

 

It could also be that feeling superiority is not a motivation at all, and you have internalized the malicious projections of other people – people who, themselves, are vain douches and douchettes.

 

You share your enthusiasm about the life you are living or want to work on living, and they feel ashamed about all the pretentious non-living they are doing. They are vain because they reject a part of themselves which they perceive as unworthy or respect. When that repression fails, they must rely on projection, and so in order to spare themselves the realization that they are living a pretense at a good life, they put that sin on you and cast you out into the desert like a bronze age goat. They signal in whatever subtle way, with rolled eyes, scoffs, immature slights at your expense, that your idea of a good life is pretentious, false, not going to offer you real happiness, etc.

 

You can know if they are projecting when they do exactly what they suggest about your character in the moment they suggest it. So, if they were to roll their eyes and make you out to be falsely superior, then they are being falsely superior, are hypocrites, are engaged in a very primitive distortion of reality to spare themselves more of their own shame.

 

Low Self Esteem Families

 

I grew up in a low rent family full of low self esteem people. All my friends' families were on welfare. When someone talked about getting a job and off of welfare, they'd talk contemptuously about them when they weren't around. They'd talk about them like they were a sell out, a fool.

 

I used to pretend to be less happy than I actually was when I was around any family members who were having a rough time (as a result of their own bad decisions). I knew that if I said, "yea, I'm doing really well, actually. I just got a raise at work and I met this really cool woman," etc., then they'd pretend to be happy for me, but secretly be bitter about it. It would come out in some way later, like "Kevin is doing so amazingly, why don't we have him buy everyone's dinner tonight!?" They'd refer to me as "lucky" rather than hard working.

 

I wasn't allowed to be genuinely better than other people, except in trivial things like geography trivia. If I was superior in terms of accomplishment and virtue and it wasn't just luck, but my actual hard work, then I was supposed to feel guilty. I was trained to do that and it would come out in all kinds of subtle ways, like not even allowing myself to share my genuine enthusiasm, self congratulating or offering advice about how to live a better life.

 

 

If you are concerned with this question of acting superior in the first place, I'm inclined to think it's not your problem, personally.

[Nick900]

Thanks for your reply, some things have definitely hit home:

 

 If you reflect back on these moments and check to see if you felt any shame or anxiety, then that's a good indication that you are being vain, grandiose, have an inflated self worth.

 

I tend not to share the philosophy/self knowledge stuff with people precisely to avoid that feeling, with the few people in my family I have brought it up with, it felt a bit like that afterwards though. 

 

You share your enthusiasm about the life you are living or want to work on living, and they feel ashamed about all the pretentious non-living they are doing.  ... they put that sin on you and cast you out into the desert like a bronze age goat. ... if they were to roll their eyes and make you out to be falsely superior, then they are being falsely superior, are hypocrites, are engaged in a very primitive distortion of reality to spare themselves more of their own shame.

 

This is the thing that drives me nuts, I really want people get "get it" because it's brought me so much happiness. I can't go back to the constant nonsense of TV and spewing unjustified political opinions at each other. At the moment if I bright anything up connected to politics/philosophy/knowledge it feels like I'm just being tolerated, I often won't even get a response, if I do it's usually just something to end the conversation - never a question.

 

I wasn't allowed to be genuinely better than other people, except in trivial things like geography trivia.

 

This annoys me greatly! I'm a PhD student in Computer Science, and when I've brought philosophy/self knowledge up I've had people say "computers is your thing" with the implication that I shouldn't open my mouth on the other topics and that I "seem to want to talk about everything recently".

[Kevin Beal]

I tend not to share the philosophy/self knowledge stuff with people precisely to avoid that feeling, with the few people in my family I have brought it up with, it felt a bit like that afterwards though. 

I mean specifically if you have shame and anxiety around not being a person who is genuinely worthy of being taken seriously. And if you direct the conversation in the direction of making yourself appear better than you actually perceive that you are as a way to manage that shame and anxiety. If you feel anxiety about what other people might say or do in response to what you're saying, then that's not really the same thing.

 

 

This annoys me greatly! I'm a PhD student in Computer Science, and when I've brought philosophy/self knowledge up I've had people say "computers is your thing" with the implication that I shouldn't open my mouth on the other topics and that I "seem to want to talk about everything recently".

This sounds like projection to me, on their part. You are the sacrificial lamb they put their sins into. Their own insecurity is triggered and they manage that by projecting onto you, since they wrongly perceive you as the cause of their discomfort. You must be punished for being "foolish" or "superior", because they are too immature to consider that they might be foolish and vain.

 

At least, that's what it sounds like, based on the limited information here.

[Drew.]

In regards to the original post,

 

If part of your motivation is to be better than others--for the intent of achieving status and esteem--that is something that you can explore. I know that I experienced something similar. I believed that because I knew so much about myself, that I was better than other people, and I received a sort of satisfaction in knowing that I was better than them. But that wasn't my only motivation for pursuing self-knowledge. I really, truly doubt that it is the only reason why you are doing it--there are easier ways to achieve status and superiority over people--but it is a factor that you could explore. My perspective has shifted, I am more of myself than they are of themselves.