Are you a cared about man?

[utopian]

Something happened to me today, and I started getting all into it, but decided not to post it because I did not want the topic getting off track.

 

What I wanted to get to, is the fact that I am not a cared about man. I tend to stay alone. I work, play video games, and pick up the occasional chick at a downtown club. 

 

And yet, people seem to treat me as if I am not a person, or have rights. They talk trash, and whine when they get it back. They treat me poorly, and whine when I treat them poorly. Some even go as far as putting their hands on me, and then want to cry when they realize their stupidity can't compare to an ex cage fighter's skills. 

 

I live as a man who is not cared about. I have to document events. I have to constantly stay on the proper legal path to ensure that, when one of these events happens, none of the lies that the other parties or their friends will say will have merit. I am constantly planning, preparing, and pre-empting responses for when others conduct themselves improperly. 

 

 

The thing is, I don't know how to not live this way. I just go around expecting poor quality behavior from people, because, ya know what, most of the time that's exactly what happens! Even before I open my mouth to say something a lot of the times. I can't believe that I just walk around minding my own business and people I have never met find the need to say something rude to me. 

 

 

 

I find myself wondering what it's like to go through life living as a man who is cared about. By anyone. All through my life, people have always been the source of my problems, and by avoiding them, I have been much happier. I don't know what it's like to live as a cared about man. I want to know if you, the reader, are a man that is cared about, and what that's like for you.

[Frosty]

Nope. Mostly through choice though, generally as a MGTOW I don't trust others or the system we find ourselves in, and the qualities a rational person would look for in an honest and reliable partner exist in fairly low quantities which makes that particular rat race simply not worth it.

[AccuTron]

What stands out to me, is wondering what you project.  (While recognizing that this is a valid and complex topic overall.)  An ex-cage fighter, I will guess what that means, and I wonder if you have a resulting persona that is something like a lion in the room.  Makes people nervous.  Is that happening?  Also, where are you hanging out, what kind of people are there to begin with?

[utopian]

... and the qualities a rational person would look for in an honest and reliable partner exist in fairly low quantities which makes that particular rat race simply not worth it.

This is what I find as well. People wont LET me care about them. When I am true, honest and philosophical, people flee. When I am superficial, it's a party. 

 

 

I don't want to answer anything else. That's not the topic I am looking for. I want to know if any of you men are cared about, and what that's like for you. It's looking like nobody is.

[rosencrantz]

It feels great.

[csekavec]

It's an fantastic feeling. It affirms the work I did to get where I am, and spurs me on to continue in the future. It is a quiet and constant unspoken reciprocity.  

 

Those who don't meet your standard of values shouldn't be major of your life. If how you are living your life isn't producing people who care about you then it is only yourself that should make the change. 

[Guest Gee]

I'm cared for, it's great. But I'm cared for because of the value and care I provide for my partner, there is a reciprocal trade.

 

Looking through the responses it looks like the majority who are cared for are donators, those not cared for are not.

 

So most those cared for recognise the value received from FDR and recripricate with donations, reciprocal value trade, most of those who are not cared for consume FDR thus receiving value but do not donate, no recriprication.

 

Something to think about eh?

[utopian]

There seem to be a lot of people on both sides of the fence on this topic. I know one side, to be sure. I am thinking maybe I did not elaborate properly. For those of you that feel you are indeed cared about, I am wondering, what is it in your interactions that makes you feel cared about? Is it really care, or is it perhaps a delusion? A woman, for example, might flirt with a man to make him think she cares about him, only to get a free drink. What makes you think the people you think care, actually care?

 

As far as reciprocal value, I have my own reciprocal value I can provide to FDR that does not require a donation, but people do not always recognize it. For example, in real life, I try to interest people in philosophy and FDR. This provides value to Stephan as far as gathering listeners and thinkers. People, unfortunately, do not always recognize the value of philosophy, and do not want to talk about it. That's their choice. In the same way, I have value to provide, and people choose not to recognize or interest themselves. 

 

I do think about donating. Philosophy seems to create just as many problems as it does answers, unfortunately. While it makes sense ideally, it does not seem to fit practically. 

 

But besides all that, there is nothing stopping anyone from volunteering an answer to my question, and staying on topic.

[David Ottinger]

The original is great, but I also love this cover.  Pretty much sums up this topic for me. 

 

[Guest Gee]

There seem to be a lot of people on both sides of the fence on this topic. I know one side, to be sure. I am thinking maybe I did not elaborate properly. For those of you that feel you are indeed cared about, I am wondering, what is it in your interactions that makes you feel cared about? Is it really care, or is it perhaps a delusion? A woman, for example, might flirt with a man to make him think she cares about him, only to get a free drink. What makes you think the people you think care, actually care?

 

As far as reciprocal value, I have my own reciprocal value I can provide to FDR that does not require a donation, but people do not always recognize it. For example, in real life, I try to interest people in philosophy and FDR. This provides value to Stephan as far as gathering listeners and thinkers. People, unfortunately, do not always recognize the value of philosophy, and do not want to talk about it. That's their choice. In the same way, I have value to provide, and people choose not to recognize or interest themselves. 

 

I do think about donating. Philosophy seems to create just as many problems as it does answers, unfortunately. While it makes sense ideally, it does not seem to fit practically. 

 

But besides all that, there is nothing stopping anyone from volunteering an answer to my question, and staying on topic.

 

That is great about the work your doing, thank you.

 

I don't think anyone you meet at a bar cares about you, after all, how can they know you and if they don't know you how can they care about you? Care is the wrong word here, interested would I think convey a more accurate meaning, probably hot for you if your talking about flirting with girls in bars.

 

I know people actually care because independent of their care they are honest and virtuous and so their care is honest.

If it makes sense, you can take people at face value once you know their face (by face I mean of course their self).

[chromanin]

Dear Utopian, 

 

You self-describe as a loner/non-conformist. Me too. I would suggest dropping the 'loner' part of that equation, and seeking other high-IQ/non-conformist types to pal around with. That might be easier said than done these days, which is a big part of the difficulty. Perhaps there are some philosophical groups that have regular social gatherings? Maybe find some tabletop gaming groups instead of just video games? I'm thinking about these possibilities for myself as well. I'm being pushed by worsening social realities and my own growth to find an in-group which recognizes my value, and which I can feel pride and satisfaction in contributing to. 

 

That said, you must realize that as a non-conformist and principled guy, you are going to grow ever more difficult for the average person to relate to unless you censor yourself. Even then, growing consciousness of yourself and the world around you is going to modulate your preferences and you'll still find yourself at odds. I would suggest accepting this to some degree, and realize that the consciousness of most people is like closed petals compared to your blooming flower. It is hard to blame the average person when they are so heavily propagandized & infantilized.

 

Ok I'll actually answer your question now... It feels great to be cared about: it satisfies hard-wired biological realities, strokes the ego, and grounds you into something tangible and greater than yourself. Even hardcore Buddhists aren't alone all the time, they're usually part of an in-group which reflects their values & understanding. The in-group is important, because if people can't relate to you, they won't share your values -- and that is where real love comes from. There is always a trade-off in being true to your principles vs. conforming socially so that people can relate to you... If you can find a good in-group, this calculation will shift very favourably. 

 

Good luck buddy.