"I love my dog more than I'll ever love you."

[shnugwa]

So, in my online dating hunt I see something that disturbs me over and over..

 

It's worded differently every time, but the sentiment is the same..

 

I love animals more than people.

 

Why do so many young women feel this way? It doesn't make sense to me.

 

There is simply no way that one can connect with an animal with the full range of emotional intimacy, honesty, curiosity, empathy, and authenticity as you can with another person.

And yet, there seems to be a large number of young women who really feel as though they love their precious pets with all of their heart, and that this love can't be rivaled in a relationship with another man. This is deeply troubling if that is even remotely true. To me, that signifies a damaged emotional apparatus and an inability to genuinely connect with people.

 

And don't get me wrong - relationships with pets can be deeply rewarding, affectionate, and enjoyable.

 

Nonetheless, I find it disturbing when I read a Tinder or OKCupid profile which has this red flag waving on it.

 

What are the causes of this strange phenomenon? Why does it seem to happen primarily to women? It's quite possible that it happens with similar frequency to men, but men remain less vocal about their preference. I'm almost positive that this is not healthy, but am open to correction if I'm missing something.

What are your thoughts?

[shirgall]

An inability to find virtue in anything other than "cuteness" in themselves doesn't exactly yield a fertile ability to find virtue in anything other than "cuteness" in anything else. Devotion, eagerly reciprocated attention, and simple needs are icing on the cake.

[dsayers]

Simply put, it is easier to love an animal than it is a human. It is easier to earn the affections of an animal than it is a human. Some people love animals as a way of avoiding processing their interactions with humans.

[Natalia]

This phenomenon has been startling me for a long time too. My Facebook girl friends are constantly sharing posts about how animals are better than people (especially kids, it seems). I had a talk with one of them and a couple of other friends about that a few months ago. As I and my ex-boyfriend had noted, the main reason for people’s affection towards cats and dogs must be their physical and even behavioral resemblance with human children, their pedomorphosis, which had been selected for in their domestication process and incites emotions of love and care. The other people, however, couldn’t seem to accept that fact, and denied that human babies inspired those same emotions that their pets do, what is similar to what I have heard from many, many other friends before — and that is evolutionarily wrong and worrying, I would say.

 

Perhaps cats and dogs act as a supernormal stimulus for neotenic traits? That’s an hypothesis that crossed my mind, and albeit I am not overly confident about it, it would partially explain the preference some young women — especially feminists — express for having pets over having children.

 

The other reasons for this preference must be, as the other posters said, that pets, unlike people, can’t hurt your feelings, can’t reject you, and don’t demand anything apart from food and love. They don’t require the long-term investment and process of self-discovery and improvement that human interaction does. They are an easier way to get the impression of attention and affection.

 

Interestingly enough, as I noticed, this situation is nothing new — although I would argue that it got worse with time as the West was released from the moral fetters of Christianity and people started not to feel the need to have children or even a spouse. As I read The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, a book from Anne Brontë published in 1847, I stumbled upon this quote:

 

“Mary, dear, that won’t excuse you in Mr. Markham’s eyes,’ said Eliza; ‘he hates cats, I daresay, as cordially as he does old maids—like all other gentlemen. Don’t you, Mr. Markham?’

‘I believe it is natural for our unamiable sex to dislike the creatures,’ replied I; ‘for you ladies lavish so many caresses upon them.’

‘Bless them—little darlings!’ cried she, in a sudden burst of enthusiasm, turning round and overwhelming her sister’s pet with a shower of kisses.”

[A4E]

How many 10s of thousands of years has dogs and cats lived alongside humans? I would be surprised if there had not been plenty of people swearing to their unrivaled companionship. Humans were highly involved in designing and evolving them throughout the ages.

 

I can bet you those people came from a similar background as me, having an animal as a best friend when many people around are a combination of a wide range of unpleasant traits. When you live in unpleasant surroundings, of course designer bred animals are going to give you a lot of comfort. Its not because they have weighed all information up against each other and come to an informed opinion. Its just biased opinion of their immediate environment. And I am very sure that I had the same thoughts.

 

Dogs and cats living with us today are there because other humans valued their company in the past, and most likely plenty valued them more than humans then as well.

 

In addition I believe that these human to animal relationships help the same humans with their relationship to other humans. I would rather evaluate a human having a good relationship with an animal, or many animals, as someone I can trust having empathy. I would not worry about the statements they make from their experiences of life, because when they do find a person who perhaps have as much empathy as themselves, they will find it hard to hold on to or defend such an opinion, and likely just forget they ever wrote it.

 

I would not be hasty with the red flag. But I see how it could, and most likely is a symptom of something else yes.

[brucethecollie]

I see/hear this a lot, too-from men and women, I think it's a popular phrase.  It's a way of expressing some kind of frustration with fellow humans about fellow humans.  Now what kind of frustration?  That takes the necessary digging.

[Guest Gee]

If you assume that they learned to first connect with other people from their parents then they are telling you they had a poor parental bond.

[Spenc]

Well, first you have to remember you are dealing with a self-reporting issue.  You are saying it's more prevalent in women, which I find to be a little unlikely, based on the fact that women on dating sites are more open to self-report their affections for animals.

 

But you're not looking at a critical review, you're reading an advertisement.  The young ladies are advertising themselves to their consumer base:  MEN!

 

Just last night two of my buddies were discussing Tinder and one was giving the other tips on which photos play best, and he was talking about taking photos out at a club or on the golf course or wherever, with his friends.  It's important that a man has other people in his photos because women are looking for men with social status. 

 

So consider that maybe the women have pretty sophisticated marketing skills, and men like pets as much or more than the women do.

[ThomasTheIdealist]

There is some sort of deranged sentiment that is prevalent; that non-human animals are somehow innocent and virtuous while humans are a disease to the world. This is a placing of high value on impotence, extolling the virtue of being primitive and simple, condemning power and influence and change. People have similar sentiment in regards to human children.

[AccuTron]

A4E--" I would rather evaluate a human having a good relationship with an animal, or many animals, as someone I can trust having empathy."

 

​Sigh.  Something troubling in my life right now is as follows.  A single parent woman I've known for very many years has cats, and they are a very nicely bonded group.  That info alone would seem good.  

 

Yet, when her daughter was quite young, I distinctly noted how she was ignored when I visited, like the daughter was a lamp; I always made a note to acknowledge her but I don't know who else really did.  

 

In recent months, this woman revealed herself as the full blown...and this is with a medical career...standard ditz.  Obama can support giant AGW fraud because she has a crush on him and refuses to look or listen to truth, but will still vote.  

 

Re that football player sometime back who lost his career because a drunk violent jerk had a pussy, she thinks that a man can't defend himself if attacked by a woman, and if we're together and a bullet starts flying, she'll instinctively jump behind me, I'm supposed to die for her because she has a pussy.  The usual crap.

 

​I've mentioned this problem of discovery elsewhere in forum about a different highly intelligent medical career female; you have to ask the right questions, or it's still facade.  Like searching for rotting or termite infested wood in a structure, you have to keep looking into all the corners, not just take a sample and call it done.  

[Troubador]

I dunno I think animal ownership is of little use either way. I and I suspect many people here will have known people who have animals, where the animal is well cared for, trained and a really positive reflection of the qualities of the owner. Yet I'm sure we've all known people whose pets show them up as not particularly virtuous or nice people at all.

 

I'm actually quite an animal lover, my grandparents had a farm and I have fond memories of holidays spent amongst the cattle, chickens, cats and dogs etc, and I've taken in a few wounded wild animals and seen them right. However as with anything context is everything. I'm likely to warm to a female veterinarian or someone whose passion for the natural world goes beyond just a superficial aesthetic admiration. Note I am guilty of this in that there are some species of animal I have this preference for myself, but it usually leads to a greater curiosity about them as a whole.

 

Having an animal requires commitment and responsibility.

[regevdl]

Oh wow.  that is distrubing.  If I can give a personal/female viewpoint:

 

In my childhood I bonded with animals very deeply.  My father was an emotional ghost and my mother was am absolute dictator and physically and verbally disciplined me.  In the height of her abuse I started to hit animals and them try to comfort them. Looking back I understand that I was reinacting my experience with my parents.  

 

 It was a scary time and confusing as I remember being only 8 years old or younger and catching myself and stopping myself sort of intuitively.  So after I stopped myself from hurting animals more, I continued the 'abusive reinacting' with my dolls which was sort of an outlet.  Rest assured from that brief moment I have never hurt animals and now have pets for me/kids to enjoy and teach them to bond and take care of them and we enjoy the experience.

 

Anyway, animals are' there' for us and respond to affection...of course it's not love but when you give they sort of 'give back'.  I know now, of course that their giving back is simply being near you for selfish reasons....to get more attention and food etc.  lol  But as a child, before that reality sets in, it's sort of fullfilling. 

 

Now, I cannot imagine still having that mindset as an adult and as an adult in the dating world.  Yikes.  My oldest sister was divorced after 16 years of a childless marriage.  And throughout they had like 5 large dogs who she called her 'kids'.  After I started having kids it became increasingly offensive to hear her talk about her dogs as 'children' and then have her complain about my human children.  This sister is the oldest of the siblings and lives her life in a way that is pleasing to the parents.  She is the 'golden child' in their eyes.  My parents couldn't be bothered by us kids... I mean the kids they chose to have and so she basically self-erased and continues.  (I'm providing this as possible character traits that might be common with these types of people).  she is very self-indulgent an any spare time she has she takes a lot of moral self congratulation by volunteering to help....dogs.  So it's one of those things you can't even discuss with her to sort of question or be skeptical about without her using verbal abuse as me coming off as an animal hater.  But she would prefer to volunteer at the humane society for 8  hours straight than babysit my son for 1 hour so I could take a break...  She is a very selfish person and uses her 'animal volunteer work' as a guise that she is some virtuous, empathetic, caring person...which she is....to animals....but not to humans who have to experience her in an emotional, intellectual way.  That's the part these people don't get about themselves.  They complain people are too difficult to handle and I agree but their behavior is also very offensive.  They never have to experience THEMSELVES on what it's like to experience someone who basically hates humans except themselves.  

 

So with that context, I can make some assumptions that these women exhibit a past that had outright abuse or were neglected, especially by the male figures.  from the neglect they were not taught by example how to interact with people or people of the opposite sex.  It's possible (as was in my childhood) barely seeing the parents interact with each other.  A lot of 'silent dinners' and cold moments where the family sits together to watch TV but no one interacts, speaks to one another.  It's the lonly feeling in a room full of people. 

 

I think for sure it's a red flag as you already suspected and what I think the red flag is specifically is they are advertising their lonliness and lack of experience in interacting with humans.  Oddly the dating sites seem like a helpful place for them to overcome this but they first need to be able to interact with humans both male and female on a platonic level before jumping into  romantic arenas.