growing up with grandparents

[Shaeroden]

what could be some of the effects of being raised by your grandparents?  costs? benefits? 

is there data to show any significant differences at all?

[dsayers]

It is my understanding that data pertaining to children who are adopted aren't significantly different than those raised by their biological parents. This might help.

 

But data aside, think about it. Why would this child not be able to be raised by their parents in the first place? Short of a tragic car accident or something along that vein, it would certainly be a failing of the grandparents to raise the parents properly. So I would assume it would be less than optimal to say the least.

[Shaeroden]

well, i'll give you the background on why i'm asking this question.

you know how you're not supposed to take puppies away from their mothers until they're at least several months old, otherwise they develop extreme personality, behavior, and attachment disorders?  well, i had seven hours with mine.  she was not allowed by the state of Virginia to keep me, or even visit me.  so my grandparents stepped up to adopt me, and then moved clear across the country to Idaho three weeks later.

the reason my mother couldn't keep me was because my brother and sister were confiscated by the state of Alaska.  my father was physically abusive, (so was his father) and my mother sexually molested my sister.  so i came along after the state took them away, and my mother did the legal research and drove all the way from Alaska to virgina to legally hand me off to my grandparents.

history of my mother: when she was 12, my grandparents (maternal) lived in Thailand.  my grandpa was a public affairs diplomat.  they had a gardener, about 16 years old, who would forcibly kiss her,  shove his tongue in her mouth, and eventually escalated to rape.  one of her sisters found out and told my grandmother first, who told my mother to "speak to the bishop" (Mormon) because she "didn't know what else to do" 

my grandpa, when he found out, actually did something.  he cornered the guy and basically told him that he would make every attempt at getting him in prison.  from what i heard, he was unsuccessful at landing him in prison, but he told the officials at the american embassy about this guy and they made sure no one working with the embassy hired him.

so meanwhile in the future, since my brother and sister were taken away and put in to foster care, both my parents went to extensive counseling and worked out most of their major issues.  they eventually reached a point where my brother and sister were allowed to contact them, and when my brother turned 18, he moved in with them and finished high school.  from what i hear of my brother's and sister's foster family experience, in my opinion it was worse than being with my parents.  his foster father would smack him daily.  my brother wouldn't be allowed to even talk to my sister.  they were like harry potters.  anyways, that's getting off topic...

so i grew up with the helpless grandmother who "couldn't do anything" when her daughter was being molested,  really concerned with the frowns of strangers, and a grandpa who involved himself in very high status positions in the mormon church.  he pretty much had a job with the church, even though he was retired and never got paid.  for those of you who know about mormon church hierarchy, he was a stake president for 9 years.  and he did not do anything to stop my grandmother from hitting me and holding me up by my hair and screaming and yelling at me.

so, these are the differences i've noticed between me and kids who grow up with parents their own age that i attribute to growing up with my grandparents

> i get along really easily with most adults.  but have a hard time getting along with people my own age.

> i didn't get many of the unifying experiences my peers got such as movies and summer camps, (maybe due to mormonism, but i'm constantly running in to "what do you mean you have never seen x movie?  how have you even lived?  how can we be friends now?")

> i have a larger vocabulary, than most of my peers and have an easier time learning and spelling new words than my peers

> i worry about the future more

> i have a hard time getting along with active and determined people.  i have an easier time getting along with stoners because i believe retired people are less active than working parents, and stoners are generally less ambitiously and physically active than not-stoners

> i'm more conservative than my peers, which i can attribute to my grandparents being born before the baby boom.

i'm not entirely sure these can all be attributed to simply being raised by my grandparents, and i'd love to hear any reasons on how these speculations might be incorrect.  because i sometimes wonder if the kids i grew up around were simply weird.