Glossary of Terms

[kathryn]

I complied a little list of FDR terms, mostly for fun, but also for the newbies out there. Please add more!   

 

Aesthetics - A branch of philosophy which examines beauty and good taste. When applying aesthetics to behavior, it is outside the realm of morality. For example, it is aesthetically preferable to be prompt, but it is not immoral to be late. Aesthetics helps evaluate certain behaviors which are better than others, but not necessarily right or wrong. Being late isn’t evil, but it is preferable to be on time.

 

Armadillo Rollover Defense - Play dead! A defense tactic used to avoid criticism and, in more extreme cases, reality itself. It is a form of denial where the party in question plays dumb. Example: "Mom, I feel upset about certain things that happened in my childhood." Mom sticks fingers in her ears and starts singing, "Lalalalala."

 

Asshole Proximity Disorder - A state of dissociation or depression that manifests only when you are around certain people, namely assholes. This negative emotional response is not dysfunctional, it is an appropriate reaction to being around corrupt people.

 

Blarp - To vent or unload a lot of negative emotions on another person, which temporarily transfers the emotional pain to the other person (see Poison Container). The blarp is distinctive for how unproductive it is. There will be relief in the moment, a catharsis of sorts, but none of the underlying problems have been resolved.

 

Blut - A Beauty Slut. Someone who seeks beauty in a romantic relationship in order to increase status. Someone who values beauty over virtues.

 

BNAP - Bullshit Non-Apology. An "apology" that doesn't imply any personal guilt or responsibility. Example: “I’m sorry I yelled, but you upset me.” Translation: “My bad behavior is your fault.” Often there will be a covert insult embedded in the BNAP.

 

Fog - A form of dishonesty that occurs when there is a disconnection with the self. It is a defense mechanism in which your mind has protected itself from painful memories or feelings, so when those things come up your mind goes blank. It is often marked by confusion, evasion, and non-direct answers like “I don’t know.” More info here.

 

Poison Container - Abusive behavior which repeatedly uses someone as a dumping ground for unprocessed psychological pain. Psychological pain is transferrable; it can be lessened, temporarily, by unloading on another person. The most vile form of this is from a parent to a child. A child does not have developed internal boundaries yet, so this kind of violation affects children more than it would adults. Further, a child is trapped, he or she is involuntarily in the situation and cannot get away. It is seriously sick.

 

UPB - Universally Preferable Behavior. To UPB someone is to point out double standard or

hypocrisy that they are employing. As in, "Oh, your mom wants to tell you that you are being inconsiderate by not coming to Sunday dinner? UPB her ass! She is being inconsiderate by not caring about the fact that you don't want to come to Sunday dinner." Read the book!

 

RTR - Real-Time Relationship. A relationship in which there is freedom to be completely honest in the moment about one’s thoughts and feelings. See the brilliant, life changing book here.

 

Virtue - A quality considered morally good or desirable in a person. Examples: honesty, integrity, courage, strength, empathy, etc.

 

Zinger - A remark which is abrasive or stinging, but not intentionally so. While comment wasn’t meant to hurt the person it was directed to, it was still painful and needs to be corrected. This typically occurs because of collateral damage from an unprocessed childhood. Once one has awareness of this though, it is preventable with introspection, processing, and personal responsibility. 

[Kevin Beal]

YAD Principle - Short for "You're A Dick", the YAD principle is a method of cutting through grey areas in ethics. Is it immoral to buy up all the land around a village, build a moat and charge the villagers to cross? (It is his property, after all). We don't need to go into all of the many considerations that could be made because the YAD principle makes short work of this ethical conundrum: the moat guy is a dick.

[MysterionMuffles]

Dicksand/Clitsand: When someone invests a significant amount of their time towards a partner to the point of neglecting other repsonsibilities in life and other relationships. This is different from being dicknapped because the partner's behaviour may or may not be immoral, but the person being consumed by the dick/clitsand is making the personal choice to morph into an extention of their partner.

[shirgall]

Universal: a type of joint or coupling in a rigid rod that allows the rod to bend in any direction but still transmit rotary motion, also a dessert topping, a sealing wax, or a principle that applies to every member of a category.

[kathryn]

Dunning-Kruger Effect - Cognitive bias where individuals with very low knowledge of a subject will overestimate their understanding of said subject, creating a false sense of superiority. 

 

Simon the Boxer - The tendency to re-create trauma and abuse. This is a maladaptive coping strategy. The concept is explored in RTR [page 80] through the story of a boy named Simon who is the victim of physical abuse as a child only to become a boxer in adulthood. 

 

Virtue Signaling - Promoting an idea that is valued within a certain social group in order to gain status. These are empty expressions of virtue without any actual substance, effort, or problem-solving behind it. Example: Changing your profile picture on Facebook to "support" refugees, but neglecting to give any money or offering any productive solutions. 

[Tyler H]

BCF - "Big Chatty Forehead"

[cherapple]

Emotional virus - When someone avoids his feelings, so those around him feel them instead. 

Empathy - The ability to understand, witness, and feel the full range of emotional experiences in oneself and others (not necessarily accompanied by sympathy).

Manipulation - Using dishonesty, vagueness, guilt, and inconsistency to control the feelings, choices, and behaviors of another.

Non-Aggression Principle - The assertion that all forms of aggression or initiations of force are immoral, with the exception of self-defense. 

Projection - A form of hypocrisy in which a person remains unaware of his outward actions and their internal motivations, and protects himself from the pain of self-awareness by accusing others of the very behavior he is acting out.

Putting the child first - A principle of self-knowledge that looks back to the beginning. It acknowledges the effects of our experiences as vulnerable children in forming who we become as adults. It asserts what should happen -- that the most vulnerable (children) should be "put first" and protected by those who are stronger (adults) -- providing children with examples of strength and freeing them to grow into their most capable adult selves.

Sympathy - Empathizing with and acknowledging painful and difficult life experiences and the harmful effects they can have.

 

[barn]

° The A.B.C. of childhood. - n. Accidental Biological Cage (Family of origin circumstances, outside of the influence of the child. Though it has a negative connotation it doesn't necessarily mean so)

° (not final) MEco system, /miːko sɪstəm/- n. Refers to different aspects / characters / representatives of oneself, easily observable in inner chatter or when topics regarding self-esteem are at the center of the mind's attention.

Similar systems: Freudian id-ego-superego, Knights of the Round Table

° F.O.O. - n. Family of Origin

° deFOO - v. Disassociation from FOO

° dicknap - v. (from: dick + kidnap) When a man's intellect is overwritten by an attractive women's physical appeal.

° RBF - n. ('resting bitch face') A 'mask' to stave off unwanted attention, appear cold and uninteresting.

° bunny boiler - n. (link, dictionary)   clingy, possessive obsessive/crazy person

° The nullzone - n. It's a state of being, a way of living where the person is holding out for something that will never happen. (e.g. waiting for a bus that will never come, an apology that will never be spoken... etc.)

° (A) Challenge, /ˈtʃæl.ɪndʒ/ - n. Referring to a composite faceted situation where the variables are dependent solely on the subject & the (possible) interaction with the available options. It could be easily perceived by those not involved as a- 'conundrum' , 'dilemma' , a really-really difficult circumstance to not try to improve by having previously explored some (possible) dire consequences.

° Me-plus, You-plus, He-plu...etc. - n. Describes the sum of values one represents for someone, where the individual AND something ADDITIONAL is seen as the individual. Without that addition the individual isn't 'enough', the individual isn't appreciated for their existence. (i.e. - Bob AND his network of contacts, Doug AND his jokes, Sally AND her agreeableness, Mary AND her family fortune... etc.)

° 'Turtles all the way down...' - idiom

Refers to an infinite regress of causation (don't look - . )

° 'To segway/segway into/segwaying...' /'sɛɡweɪ/ - v., i., expr. - Can refer to introducing, leading into/onto (another) topic with various levels of relevance or just speaking about a subject with the appearance but no direct connection to the one at the center of attention. (i.e. - 'That's a nice segway but it doesn't answer... / With that I'm going to segway into my next point...' etc.)

(What's a 'segway', (object) anyway?)

 

° 'up-fumbling' - /ŭp-ˈfʌmblɪŋ/ - v. n.

As opposed to be raised.