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Marrying someone who had a dark history.


Black Anarchist

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Do you think its problem if a partner had a history of dating men who are polar opposites? Its something that has bothered me with a suitor, plus the fact that  she is the opposite side of the spectrum herself.

  

She is 41, works in a children’s crèche in a gym, and lives in posh part of London, Themes Ditton ( has little crime and a peaceful area) .  From what she says, she is from a good middle class family and had a good childhood minus a few problems she had at school regarding her weight and a few minor health problems. Her social skills are very good and very pleasant by most parts, and very honest. Political views are, socialist to disinterest.

 

I am 42,  a mild mannered black man with aspergers.  I am an Anarchist and a logical thinker. I work as a low paid admin assistant and sole trader( online retailer),  source from car boot sale and thrift store. I go to most car boot sales with my mum. Kind of ambitious, there are plenty of opportunities online. I hate Commies, pettiness, aggression and BMW drivers( promise to cuss off a BMW driver if he opens his mouth).  Dating has always been an uphill struggle had a few short relationships. Loneliness became chronic depression.  Fortunately, I  now  don’t feel that lonely these days  . Dating feels almost a touch easier, but unfortunately I am more choosier. 

 

The major problem is that she has a dark history.  He had a lot of sexual partners, around 25+. She has a thing for black guys, so I assume she has not dated many eggheads or geeks. This compounds the problem she generally dated men that are polar opposite to myself. One of he ex boyfriends violently punched then kicked her on the ground.  

 

Three years broke up but continued to see each other as friends. She since then met a guy from Nigeria. They said they would get married and have children. They did have a child but things didn’t start out will as he did not join her in hospital when she was giving birth. After that they planned a wedding which I was invited. But unfortunately the wedding was gate crashed by police because he was an illegal immigrant.  Now currently they are separated, and she is now a single parent. She sees the guy but I see him less often.  

I took her to one of my work place party with the kid. My workmates seem to like her and they said I get on with her and the kid well.  Her history isn’t doesn’t seem to bother them  at all.  It was very difficult to reveal this private information about her but I need/ed some advice. 

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What about her attracts you to her? What is it about you that attracts her to you? From what you are mentioning you two are on the opposite end on some of the ways of your thinking, In what ways are you  similar and how do you connect?

 

Its good that you know about her "Dark History" but how is she now? After the incident with the illegal Nigerian guy or the 25+ sex partners or the guy that assaulted her, has she shown that she has learned from those things and is contiously getting better.

 

What about you, does she bring out the better in you?


 I hate Commies, pettiness, aggression and BMW drivers( promise to cuss off a BMW driver if he opens his mouth). 

 

 She has a thing for black guys, so I assume she has not dated many eggheads or geeks.

 

And what the hell is up with these two comments. Are you just being tongue and cheek because by the tone of the topic, I'm not sure if I'm suppose to take it so.

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Not a good idea.

 

She is 41, has a kid and will not have any kids with you. She is way too old. She will use your money to raise her kid. You will stay lonely and broke.

 

At 42, if you have a stable income, you can get a much younger girl and have your own family. You will have to compromise, it will be a black girl from another culture, it will be a poor girl, it will be a bumpy ride. You might have to get her in africa.

 

I did this after my divorce. Get a young girl and compromise. We have 4 kids and are still together after 20 years. Much better than loneliness. Kids was the best thing i ever did.

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As a dude in his 20s, I don't see how you could feel happy in a relationship raising the child of another guy who is rather irresponsible, to put it mildly. 

 

You're in your 40 so I realize your relationship opportunities are kind of reduced, but you can do better than this, even if you don't end up having children.

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So how bad is your life right now that you want to trade it for living with someone that will cheat on you, become violent with you, argue with you constantly, that will take most of your resources for her and some kid that will grow up to dislike you?

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So how bad is your life right now that you want to trade it for living with someone that will cheat on you, become violent with you, argue with you constantly, that will take most of your resources for her and some kid that will grow up to dislike you?

Out of those who I have dated, she seems to be the most level headed, honest and agreeable person, and her friends are the same way also.  I guess she was the first ­­proper girlfriend I had.  It seemed healthy at the time.  I guess I like someone who likes me.  Probably that is why my workmates like her. One of say that she doesn’t know why she puts up with me, car boot sales every weekend and to much interest in politics.

 

The boy is also very agreeable too, he must bee picking up some positive vibes from the other children in the area. She lives in a nice part of town.

 

And what the hell is up with these two comments. Are you just being tongue and cheek because by the tone of the topic, I'm not sure if I'm suppose to take it so.

The top comment to get a better understanding about me, and the bottom one was about her.

Probably could have put the words better together. I was trying to point out that I am usually mild mannered except for some types of driver. and I hate socialists. Believe it or not even marxist try their luck in this country.

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You say you hate socialist. And in your first post you describe her as a socialist. You also say that she is agreeable.

 

That doesn't seem right to me.

 

Why would she be so agreeable if she's a socialist and you're an anarchist?

 

Why is it that even though you claim to hate socialist, her socialism is acceptable enough to you.... so much so that you will marry her.

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"Probably not a socialist as such"...What does that even mean? You said in your original post that her political views were that she's a socialist. See. You're changing things around now. I don't know what to believe from you. If you're the logical thinker you say you are, you know the dysfunction you're getting into by marrying this woman. You have to be honest to yourself, your wants, desires and intentions... your life going forward. That's all I can say about this.

 

 

Peace out

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You say you hate socialist. And in your first post you describe her as a socialist. You also say that she is agreeable.

 

That doesn't seem right to me.

 

Why would she be so agreeable if she's a socialist and you're an anarchist?

 

Why is it that even though you claim to hate socialist, her socialism is acceptable enough to you.... so much so that you will marry her.

It would have been better to ask what I mean by socialism. Its hard to know when socialism ends and conservatism start.

Her views when she does show interest in politics is socialist and left leaning in nature, not untypical of your average Brit. 

To question dating her on her political view is to question whether I am willing to date a typical Brit. Her views are not shocking

or extremist in any nature. Saying that she would go for Barney Sanders if she knew who he is. 

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At 42, if you have a stable income, you can get a much younger girl and have your own family. You will have to compromise, it will be a black girl from another culture, it will be a poor girl, it will be a bumpy ride. You might have to get her in africa.

 

 

I showed this comment to one of my work mates. She wants to know why you made those comments. I got a good idea, because the problem I have is compounded by being black, older and having aspergers and dating British black or white at my age. I can choose UK white women and most likely end up in a similar situation as I am in now or I date black British and face choices from a smaller pool of women with who are polar opposite to aspergers with a higher percentage of single parents to boot. I can go to Church but I am a an atheists. saying that my views on Christianity is more or less the same as Stephan.

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